Non-Labor Day

Well, I wish I had news to share.

But as of this moment, Little One continues to hang out. Early this morning I awoke to a dull low backache that lasted for a few moments, but otherwise all is quiet.

Believe me, when the action starts in earnest, I’ll definitely post the news. 🙂

Deep Inside

I have been richly nurtured. Nathania gave me a two hour massage in the cool quiet of her home. It was a time of peace and soothing. It was intimate and comforting. We bonded in a new way, like sisters, and I’m glad for this because it reinforces the foundation of affection and trust that will be so vital for us when she assists my delivery. And I was reintroduced to my body and touch after months of estrangement. (Husband is affectionate and expressive, yet the touch of massage opens one to a deeper connection with receiving.) Yes, pregnancy is a very physical process that makes a woman aware of her body. But all these months I have not been assertive about caring for my body in this way. The massage resulted in a connection with Now that I’ve not experienced since… well, since my last massage.

We spent a fair amount of time on my belly. She oiled it and gently pressed and slid her hands down to help the baby get a sense of the position she needs to be in. Little One was very responsive to Nathania’s touch. We talked to her, told her how much we want to meet her. In the soft light of the room, I sat semi-reclined gazing down at my full moon breasts and globe belly glowing with citrus oil. And you know what? I found it beautiful. I might have the “courage” to post a photo of myself in a bathing suit, but I’ve remained detached from my image and my body often in past months. During that massage I experienced my beauty.

We think she might make her debut this weekend (just as Liora commented). Then again, that might be wishful thinking. Regardless, I feel present to the moment, and I feel content — despite the fact that our roof, for whatever reason, remains unshingled and far from finished.

Any Day Now…

I started the day with more vigor than I have in the past five, though I’m fading now and am fighting the desire to sleep.

Day three of the roofing. Yesterday I felt too unwell to go anywhere. I stayed home and bathed in my own sweat while the mercury rose to 93F and the closed windows made the the house feel like a sarcophagus. The roofers did not leave until 7:00 p.m. To cope, I took a couple of cold showers, though the relief was temporary.

Last night Husband and I made a foray to Whole Foods (a rare visit) to purchase eucalyptus oil to dab on my temples and neck for congestion relief. We also bought red raspberry leaf tea, which is reputed to help “tone the uterus” — it doesn’t start labor, but supposedly it makes the Braxton Hicks contractions more efficient. According to what I’ve read, it can act as an abortifacent if taken too much and too early in pregnancy, but after 37 weeks it’s considered helpful. Will it work? Who knows? But it’s not a teratogen, and so there’s no harm in it.

I did manage to get five hours of straight sleep last night by propping myself on pillows in bed. It’s the only comfortable position for my belly anymore, and it allows me to breathe.

When the roofers came today, I felt well enough to push myself out the door. I filled the gas tank and got the car washed. I made a deposit and withdrawal at the bank. I bought stamps at the post office. Each of these places had air conditioning, and I blasted it in my car. I went to Unamas! for lunch (guess what? they have air conditioning!); I have to remind myself to eat since I can smell and taste nothing. I only know I’m hungry when I get lightheaded and my stomach growls vigorously. The symptoms do seem to be lessening, finally.

I stopped by Purlescence to visit Sandi and Nathania. Nathania, who will assist my labor, invited me to her home (air conditioned living room!) for a massage this afternoon. So right now I’m ensconced in the library pushing myself to stay alert so I can meet her at 5:00. I can’t go home; the heat is at its peak, and the roofers certainly aren’t done. (They only started putting on shingles today.) I don’t expect them to completely finish until next Tuesday; meanwhile we have three lovely days of quiet and open windows ahead.

Nathania mentioned that Lowe’s has a sale on air conditioning units. Typically, September is one of the hottest months here, and it can even be warm into mid-October. So finally, finally, I am giving in and asking Husband to see if we can get one. He’s been suggesting it for months. Friends, family, and readers have been suggesting this. I’ve resisted because of the expense, and because we rent, and because our windows don’t open vertically (which would hold a normal window unit). I’ve resisted because pregnancy is temporary, and the hot season isn’t long; only a handful of days are near intolerable, and open windows do help. But now I say “Uncle!” and hope that we can find one. So often we have the “California shopping experience,” which is a fruitless scavenger hunt for an item that whatever stores you visit don’t have in stock.

I keep telling myself, any day now…

Chop Wood, Carry Water: A Mother’s Spiritual Practice

There is no right way. There is always a right now way.

I’m thinking of my mother’s life work (mothering four children) as I watch this and as I imagine what path I will soon travel. Karen’s book, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, is a small treasure — accessible, handy, and valuable. I have wanted to attend one of her talks but my schedule didn’t accommodate that. It’s a pleasure to see and hear her. You can read her too, at Cheerio Road.

The video is also at this link.

A Nifty Tool

Ever since Husband and I decided to curtail spending, especially book purchases, I’ve been using WorldCat. WorldCat is the world’s largest network of library contents and services. Look at the treasures available:

You can search for popular books, music CDs and videos — all of the physical items you’re used to getting from libraries. You can also discover many new kinds of digital content, such as downloadable audiobooks. You may also find article citations with links to their full text; authoritative research materials, such as documents and photos of local or historic significance; and digital versions of rare items that aren’t available to the public. Because WorldCat libraries serve diverse communities in dozens of countries, resources are available in many languages.

I use this site to look up a book title I’m interested in and to see what libraries around my zip code have them. This spares me the effort of having to go to each library’s website and look the book up on their catalog (and it saves me time and gas by not having to go to the libraries directly). When I find the item I want on the list, I can find out if it’s sitting on the shelf or circulating.

I like WorldCat so much that I’m going to install a search box in my sidebar under the list of books I’m currently reading, so that if you learn of a title I mention here, you can easily look it up to see if you can get it from your local library. If your local library doesn’t have it, you can often get the book via Interlibrary Loan. (When I mention books here, I usually link to Amazon since it provides an attractive user interface.)


Search for an item in libraries near you:
WorldCat.org >>

Being Friendly Doesn’t Hurt

Another one for the library and Amazon wishlist: I Sold My Soul on eBay, by Hemant Mehta.

When Hemant Mehta was a teenager he stopped believing in God, but he never lost his interest in religion. Mehta is “the eBay atheist,” the nonbeliever who auctioned off the opportunity for the winning bidder to send him to church. The auction winner was Jim Henderson, a former pastor and author of Evangelism Without Additives. Since then, Mehta has visited a variety of church services — posting his insightful critiques on the Internet and spawning a positive, ongoing dialogue between atheists and believers.

I Sold My Soul on eBay tells how and why Mehta became an atheist and features his latest church critiques, including descriptions of his visits to some of the best-known churches in the country. His observations will surprise and challenge you, revealing how the church comes across to those outside the faith. Who better than a nonbeliever to offer an eye-opening assessment of how the gospel is being presented — and the elements that enhance or detract from the presentation.

Mehta announced prior to his churchgoing odyssey that he would watch for any signs of God’s existence. After spending Sunday mornings in some of the nation’s leading churches, what happened to the man who sold his soul on eBay? Did attending church change his lack of belief? The answers can be found inside.

–Amazon.com Book Description

I was led to this book from a contemplative post at Dale McGowan’s Meming of Life blog. Dale basically takes the adage “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar” and considers how atheists and agnostics might apply that wisdom to their interactions with people who are religious. The post also contains an interview with Mehta, an atheist who also holds to the above adage. I plan to check out Mehta’s blog too, called The Friendly Atheist.

The End of the Day

At nearly 9:00 p.m. it’s still 81F. I spent the afternoon at my friends’ home just sitting. I couldn’t sleep for the heat, but at least the windows were open and it was quiet.

So, the doctor visit… I am one centimeter dilated but not effaced at all, and baby still sits high. My induction was scheduled.

Next Wednesday, September 5, I will go to the hospital at 6:00 p.m. to have prostaglandin inserted. This will begin to ripen the cervix (cause it to soften and start effacing). Just after midnight on September 6, we’ll return to the hospital to begin an IV delivery of Pitocin to start my labor. Let’s hope it works. The doctor said there’s a good chance and it’s worth trying. I’m trying to get square with the idea that I may end up having a C-section if the labor doesn’t progress.

Maybe Little One will come on her own before then.

I’m headed for a cool shower and if I’m lucky, some sleep.

Thems The Breaks

Forecast for today: Sunny, high at 93F.

Last night at 10 p.m. we had a false alarm. I thought my water broke. Turns out it did not, but this required an exam at the hospital to be sure. (Something leaked, and I know for sure it was not urine, dammit.) The staff were lovely to us; I’m sure they get lots of first-timers with false alarms.

We got home around midnight and I went to bed exhausted. But I couldn’t sleep, so I read until 4:30 a.m. I dozed off lightly but woke at 5:30, 6:00, and 7:00 a.m. Then I slept until 8:30, when the roofers came. It sounded like the aliens on the roof from the movie Signs.

I’ve developed a hearty cough that emanates from my chest and leaves a metallic taste in my mouth. My head is full of cotton. I’ve sneezed through a box of Kleenex.

We have an OB appointment at 11:50; I don’t feel alert enough to drive. Husband stayed home from work to drive us there.

As I type, the roofers are ripping off our shingles. Husband will drop me off at a friend’s home after the appointment, where I will dally the afternoon away eating bonbons and reading sleeping (I hope). He’ll retrieve me this evening sometime around 7:00 and we’ll go home, open the windows, and turn on all the fans. Then we’ll finish watching Flushed Away, and maybe get a good night’s sleep.

Trapped

It is 88F outside and the windows are closed.

Today the roofers began tearing off the roof of the building next door, and they have not only blocked me in my garage, they have made it impossible to walk out my front door because the ladders and supplies are on the porch we share with the neighbor. By this evening it will be all cleared out, but for now this is the way it is. They are also very loud with the banging and clanking and air compressor for the nail gun.

Tomorrow they will begin the demolition of our building roof. We’ll leave for a doctor appointment in the morning, and I’ll try to spend the day out of the house.

Not that I feel much like going anywhere. I feel worse every day with this head thing — I think I’ve caught a cold. I can’t hear well, taste much, or breathe easily. My head aches. I developed a cough. I sneeze. I have zero energy. I hope it is a cold because that means it will go away, whereas if it truly is an allergy to what’s in bloom right now, it will hang on until whenever the pollen abates, and that could be weeks.

I slept until 1 p.m., and I want to sleep some more.

I live in a haze of waiting right now. I’m lethargic. I force myself to eat and to move. My upper right back muscles have hurt for several weeks; coughing, sneezing, or certain movements send a shooting pain that grips the area. Wonder what that will feel like when contractions start? My left knee also complains; I’ve just stopped mentioning that or caring much.

It’s odd how difficult and bleak life can seem when one’s health isn’t perfect. I know life is good, but I don’t feel that way. I feel flat, gray, and inert. I am distracted from the curiosity of when labor might start and actually feel disinterested. Baby is in there. We coexist. She’ll come when she comes. Until then she’s part of my life like my lungs, heart, bladder. She is not a separate entity but instead is something that drains my body of energy and requires whatever resources I have that aren’t directed to fighting off the allergy/cold.

Tonight’s prescription will be to watch Flushed Away and stay horizontal. Tomorrow will be another day; maybe I’ll feel better and write a cheerier post.

Happy Due Date To Me

Well, this is the due date for Little One. The majority of babies do not debut on their due date, but I thought it worth noting here.

I have allergies to something in bloom — chenopods, I believe — so my ears are clogged, my nose stuffy and runny, my throat is sore, and I sneeze. It’s gotten worse since last week. I occasionally pop a Benadryl (which actually does make the sore throat better); since I don’t really have much to do, spending my days feeling drowsy doesn’t much matter. But these symptoms on top of the final whale stage of pregnancy reinforce my desire to stay home.

Yesterday I felt enervated, occasionally queasy, slight cramps, and the usual “practice” contractions. I lost my mucous plug, too. (That’s probably more than you wanted to know.) This event sometimes precedes labor by a few days, but it’s also possible to lose the plug and go for a couple more weeks before starting labor. Husband and I lay about on the sofa and then took a very long nap in the afternoon.

Today’s to do list:
Laundry (small load)
Nap
Read
Pet the cat
Run dishwasher
Watch a stupid movie (Snakes On a Plane)
Rest
Rest
Rest

What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.

–Joseph Addison

A Daunting Problem

No wonder we’re importing dangerous and potentially lethal products from China. Consider how Chinese citizens live.

Environmental woes that might be considered catastrophic in some countries can seem commonplace in China: industrial cities where people rarely see the sun; children killed or sickened by lead poisoning or other types of local pollution; a coastline so swamped by algal red tides that large sections of the ocean no longer sustain marine life.

–Joseph Kahn and Jim Yardley, New York Times

The article mentions that the leading cause of death in China is cancer from pollution, and that almost half a billion people have no safe drinking water. Only 1 percent of the 560 million city dwellers breathe air considered safe.

The article explores the juggernaut of China’s economic progress and the massive use of polluting natural resources (such as coal) that drives it, and how the Communist government is vulnerable to social backlash because people are suffering horribly. The article provides some interesting if grim statistics about the impact of environmental degradation on human life and on the stability of China’s government and economy. In a country so populous, it seems that all forms of life are considered expendable.

Here’s the entire article: As China Roars, Pollution Reaches Deadly Extremes, by Joseph Kahn and Jim Yardley

We are all inextricably linked to this and directly contribute to the problem, because we purchase items produced in China. Yet it seems impossible to avoid Chinese-made goods. I look on packaging to see where an item is made and usually only see that it’s “distributed by” an American company. What can we do to protect ourselves? What will we do? And can that have any impact whatsoever on the quality of life in China?

Time For Fun

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass on a summer day listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is hardly a waste of time.

–John Lubbock

So while my daughter rests suspended in her dark, cozy, warm room listening to the rhythm of my heart and being nourished through her belly, I too will be sure to rest. I came home from my doctor appointment and slept for several hours.

In the past week I’ve softened a little bit but not dilated, and my babe still hangs high. We’ve scheduled an induction for September 6 (I’ll be 41 and 1/2 weeks). I was assured that if by next week I’m no riper and she’s not lower, we can change that to a planned C-section. By waiting until the 6th we give her more opportunity to initiate labor on her own.

So I have two more weeks to be with her in this way — and two more weeks to take the advice of the wife of Husband’s coworker to have some fun (some of these made me laugh out loud):

  • Go to Safeway and buy a pregnancy test. If anyone asks, tell them you have some suspicions.
  • Go out to lunch all by yourself — someplace with cloth napkins and no crayons/coloring page placemats. Eat whatever you want. Linger over dessert.
  • Watch a whole movie from start to finish in one sitting without interruption.
  • Change your answering machine message to: “Yes, we had the baby and we didn’t tell you. Don’t you feel foolish for not calling to find out more often?”
  • If people ask when you are due — tell them November, triplets.
  • If you find yourself in a long line, crumple forward and moan — presto! New line opens just for you.
  • Pedicure, pedicure, pedicure — this is the time that you can get the extra leg massage for free.
  • The notion that sex induces labor is lie perpetrated by husbands.

It’s On Flickr, But Do I Dare Put This On the Blog?

I took my last pregnancy photo last night (actually Husband snapped it). I am in my full glory, having donned a bathing suit to take a cooling dip in the pool. I feel a bit shy, because I am a big, big girl. I wasn’t always, but I started the pregnancy big, and this is what I am now — the Venus of Willendorf, almost. Mika wrote his song Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) for women like me. Click below to see the photo.
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Stasis

It has been warm here, and humid. Today the temperature hit 88F. I’ve noticed that Little One, when it is hot out, tends to move less. That’s interesting, because even though I feel hot, I’m sure my body temperature is stable. Sleep (if it can be called that) is unpredictable. I’m up every single hour to pee and, since the past nights have not cooled quickly, the quality of my unconsciousness is poor. I walk with puffy feet and type with sausage fingers. It’s a time of waiting and being quiet.

My brother has been visiting since last Friday, and we’ve enjoyed each other. He’s attending a conference at Stanford, so most days he’s been gone, but we have evenings.

My OB appointment was moved from Thursday to Friday. We’ll see whether she has dropped (it doesn’t feel as though she has) and what we might decide to do.

Kit Knit

My stiff, swollen fingers and tingly hands completed a very basic project: a blankie for Stella. My true intention is to protect furniture from her hairball eruptions and general shedding. But oh, how she loves this! I put it on the chair last night and she kneaded it for half an hour. I’m content to have made it, and she’s content to have it. Stella is the perfection of contentment. Now I need to figure out what to do with myself until the baby comes. Don’t want to overdo the wrist stress.

stella and her new blankie
3 skeins of Lion Brand Thick n Quick, color Spice, on size 11 needles.