It is 88F outside and the windows are closed.

Today the roofers began tearing off the roof of the building next door, and they have not only blocked me in my garage, they have made it impossible to walk out my front door because the ladders and supplies are on the porch we share with the neighbor. By this evening it will be all cleared out, but for now this is the way it is. They are also very loud with the banging and clanking and air compressor for the nail gun.

Tomorrow they will begin the demolition of our building roof. We’ll leave for a doctor appointment in the morning, and I’ll try to spend the day out of the house.

Not that I feel much like going anywhere. I feel worse every day with this head thing — I think I’ve caught a cold. I can’t hear well, taste much, or breathe easily. My head aches. I developed a cough. I sneeze. I have zero energy. I hope it is a cold because that means it will go away, whereas if it truly is an allergy to what’s in bloom right now, it will hang on until whenever the pollen abates, and that could be weeks.

I slept until 1 p.m., and I want to sleep some more.

I live in a haze of waiting right now. I’m lethargic. I force myself to eat and to move. My upper right back muscles have hurt for several weeks; coughing, sneezing, or certain movements send a shooting pain that grips the area. Wonder what that will feel like when contractions start? My left knee also complains; I’ve just stopped mentioning that or caring much.

It’s odd how difficult and bleak life can seem when one’s health isn’t perfect. I know life is good, but I don’t feel that way. I feel flat, gray, and inert. I am distracted from the curiosity of when labor might start and actually feel disinterested. Baby is in there. We coexist. She’ll come when she comes. Until then she’s part of my life like my lungs, heart, bladder. She is not a separate entity but instead is something that drains my body of energy and requires whatever resources I have that aren’t directed to fighting off the allergy/cold.

Tonight’s prescription will be to watch Flushed Away and stay horizontal. Tomorrow will be another day; maybe I’ll feel better and write a cheerier post.

5 thoughts on “Trapped

  1. Laurel

    Reading this post of yours reminded me of an article I read today.

    I hope this link works. If not, trot on over to Slate magazine (on msn) and check out the article on Simone Dinnerstein.

    I think you’ll find it of interest.

    I found it fascinating.

    Hang in there, mom.

    You’re almost there.

  2. acm

    yeah, there’s too little awareness in our culture of the fact that morning sickness isn’t the only down aspect of pregnancy, but that the entire thing can be draining and a bit depressing. hang in there — the end is in sight!!

    good luck.

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