“There was so much distance between what I felt and what I was supposed to feel. It made me sad. I was alone. Meaning unshared is barely meaning at all. My reasons for finishing, whatever finishing meant, were defined wholly extrinsically. I had believed in what society told me would happen: that I would push through a challenge and emerge, new and strong, on the other side, where love was. But I was left instead with the deep, profound emptiness that comes with knowing entirely for certain that what you were told by society was wrong.”
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This is a video of a marvelous poem by Marie Howe, illustrated by paper collage artist Elena Skoreyko Wagner and featuring original music by cellist Zoë Keating. As with most things, I found this video because is was shared by a friend on Facebook. And after I watched it, I wasn’t surprised to see that Maria Popova, the writer of BrainPickings, had helped the video come into being. Here is a link to her post about this poem and video.
It Matters
“It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing. What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.”
— Laura McBride, We Are Called to Rise
Measure of Health
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
–Jiddu Krishnamurti
In Relationship With the Truth
“The dharma — understanding, peering into the nature of reality — is not specific to Buddhism. The dharma is truth. And the only choice we really have is whether to try to be in relationship with the truth or to live in ignorance. There are no other choices. You have to actively engage. How did I come to be? How do I think of myself? How did I get what I have? (I don’t mean your degrees.) Where did I come from? What land are we on?If it sounds like a lot of work, it is. All of us, in some way, have profited from our wrong knowing.”
— angel Kyodo williams, Your Liberation is on the Line
The Challenge of the Season
The challenge with this season is that our culture decides to focus on bright and shiny and joy, but reality does not change. There is still suffering. Christmas lights; people are sleeping outdoors in the cold. Baking cookies; 25% of the population in Silicon Valley is food insecure. Christmas carols; there are people sobbing and wailing in grief. Spending and spending on presents; foster kids have nothing. The differences are unsettling. My body is tired. My joints ache. My mind races with to-do lists.
So I do this: I sit in silence. I settle into my breathing and notice each breath. I take off my glasses and gently lay my hands on my face. I rest this way a few moments, feel the warmth and tenderness of my hands, feel my face relax. I move my hands to my head and neck, massaging them. If thoughts come, I decline the invitation to follow them. If I catch myself in a thought, I recognize and let it go. I do this until I feel real again, whole and connected. Then I feel into what comes alive in my core. What can I do in this moment, to help, to love, to heal part of the world? When an idea arises, I follow.
That idea might be to write a note to someone. Or pick up the phone and call. It might be to divert money that would be used for family gifts and spend it on gifts for children in foster care. Or to write a check to Second Harvest Food Bank. It’s as simple as really looking at the person who rings up my purchases and saying hello, how is your day going? And meaning it, receiving the response, making a connection.
Another Biggish Work
This is my second painting done on a larger canvas. A friend of mine bought a townhouse in the area, which is a big achievement out here in the almost-most expensive housing market on earth. I offered a painting as a housewarming gift. Gradually the ideas of a colorful life and the density and intensity of urban living came to life in this work.
Women’s March San Jose
It’s late, and I’m exhausted. I volunteered as a Peace Ambassador at the San Jose march. The march was vibrant with loving and festive energy, creative and clever messages, and a wide diversity of people. About 25,000 activists attended. The Resistance has begun. At the end of the march were speeches, and there were many non-profit booths there. Because after the march comes the nitty gritty work.
If my album doesn’t show above, here’s a link: Women’s March – San Jose
And here is a link to the attending and supporting organizations for the Bay Area marches. Scroll down for San Jose.
Indivisible: Resisting Trump
This is making the rounds.
Indivisible: A Practical Guide for Resisting the Trump Agenda
We wrote this guide because we believe that the coming years will see an unprecedented movement of Americans rising up across the country to protect our values and our neighbors. Our goal is to provide practical understanding of how your MoCs think, and how you can demonstrate to them the depth and power of the opposition to Donald Trump and Republican congressional overreach. This is not a panacea, nor is it intended to stand alone. We strongly urge you to marry the strategy in this guide with a broader commitment to creating a more just society, building local power, and addressing systemic injustice and racism.
The Plan Behind the Safety Pin
While the idea of wearing a safety pin as a symbol to the marginalized that one is a safe person, it’s more than a symbol. This article provides excellent guidance about the intention behind it and how to act. Such as:
- Are you willing to help all marginalized groups? You don’t get to pick and choose.
- Do you have a plan? Who will engage with people, and who will film what’s happening?
- Do you know how to de-escalate situations?
- Are you willing to be beaten defending another person?
- If you have children with you, are you willing to risk their safety?
The author says, “…the safety pin is a good idea but if you are going to wear it, you need to know that it is more than an idea. It is a visible, tangible announcement of your commitment to defend the rights and dignity of your fellow human. If you are not willing to follow that announcement up with action, rethink making the announcement.”
I Cannot Believe
This is not the United States I thought I lived in. I am ASHAMED of this country.
What I learned on #ElectionNight: Being a racist, bigoted, prejudiced, lying sexual predator is still more acceptable than being a woman.
-Allen Clifton
What’s even more demoralizing is knowing how hard Hillary’s worked and how qualified she is, and yet… And every woman knows this feeling.
-Anne T. Donahue
A perfect ending to the tale that asks how averse is America to being led by a woman who they don’t want to fuck.
-Paula Pell
I Am a Nasty Woman
Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton “such a nasty woman” in the last debate, and with that, women rose up to embrace what he meant as an insult. In fact, calling her a “nasty woman” is just a shade cleaner and more acceptable than saying what he probably thought: cunt. When men feel viscerally threatened and rendered powerless by a woman they often resort to dismissing her by reducing her to that one body part.
If having agency over her life, speaking up, insisting on the right to take up space and be heard, asserting her rights as an equal, deciding that only she can make decisions about her health and body, and refusing to be defined by men’s expectations makes a woman nasty, then count me in. I am a nasty woman too.
I finished this painting just before the last debate. I called it The Alchemy of Feminine Wisdom. It is available for purchase. Just inquire.
I’m With Her
I don’t post about politics. But this election is critical.
Here is a list: Hillary Clinton’s Record of Accomplishments.
Another record of Hillary Clinton’s accomplishments.
Trump is: a narcissist, pathological liar, sexual predator, sexist, and a sociopath.
Characteristics of a sociopath:
- Glibness and superficial charm
- Shallow emotions
- Grandiose sense of self
- Pathological lying
- Manipulative and conning
- Lack of empathy/callousness
- Impulsive nature
- Promiscuous sexuality
- Contemptuous of others
- Authoritarian
- Has an emotional need to justify their bad actions
- Unable to feel remorse or guilt
- Desire for despotic control
Hillary Clinton should be our next president.
Old Wounds and Misandry
On a deep fundamental level, I don’t like men. Part of me regards them as Other. Threatening. Inherently dangerous. Suspect. There are sound reasons why I feel this way. I don’t judge this part of myself, and I haven’t succeeded in healing it yet. I acknowledge and allow it to be.
As I watched the men reading aloud vile statements to these women (see link), I saw them struggle. I saw them blanche and look uncomfortable. I saw that they felt pain. And for a brief flash, I felt tender toward men. I felt a tiny bit safer that there are good men in the world. I felt an ache for how culture beats empathy and anything feminine out of boys as they grow up.
If you want to comment, please use love as your guide. I am not looking for a debate about gender politics. What these women experience in their jobs is real. What I’ve experienced is real. I am married to a good, loving, empathetic man. It took me a long time to be ready to meet him.
I have a younger brother. I was eight when he was born. I loved him so intensely I would have died for him. When I am feeling a wave of misandry, I try to remember how beautiful we start out as, including males. But it’s difficult. I even feel this tension toward boys, as though they are the enemy-to-be.
Here is the link: ‘I Hope You Get Raped Again’: Women Sportswriters Listen to Men Read Vile Tweets About Them.
Learning to Be an Includer
Experiencing bullying at school is traumatic. When a child comes from a loving, stable family with empathetic parents, it is still hard on a child. When a child comes from a family system that is authoritarian or neglectful, the distress is even worse; often there is bullying ongoing in the home as well, and the people from whom a child would get support don’t provide it.
As a parent, when my child encounters “mean girl” (or “mean kid”) behaviors, I struggle often with my own wounds from childhood. I did not have an empathetic, supportive family, because bullying also occurred within our home. All the parts of myself that I call “young stuff” — that didn’t get needed support — burst to the surface. Sometimes I parent from a state of panic and urgency. I’m working on this.
This article, Raising Girls Who Are Includers Instead of Mean Girls, felt timely and wise. I related to the author’s experiences in childhood and enjoyed reading how those experiences created in her a desire to become an “includer.”
She wrote a list of stories she hopes our daughters will someday say as they reflect on how we supported them during their struggles. I’m sharing here so I can return to it, to read and remind myself of my aspirations.
I hope all our girls will someday share stories like:
~ “My mom would listen to me as she stroked my hair, as she lingered with me and I shared what was happening and how I felt.”
~ “My mom wouldn’t jump in and try to fix it. She wouldn’t freak out and panic out of her own fears and hurts and unconscious stuff she was holding. She would sit with me and ask me for my ideas and what I needed. She would wait and listen – listen to what’s said and unsaid, creating safe space for me to navigate the inner landscape of my own feelings and heart so that the right actions for me to take would arise from within me.”
~ “My parents would advocate for and alongside me in situations that required adult intervention. They wouldn’t act out of fear or anger. They would wait and discern and pray and watch.”
~ “My mom wasn’t about ‘sweeping me up and saving me.’ She was about empowering me. She knew when to step in front of me and be the mama bear, protecting me. And she knew when to sit behind me or alongside me, abiding with me.”
~ “I learned to say, “THAT’S NOT OK!” and “Stop” and “I am walking away now.”
~ “I learned how to see clearly. I learned to not think there was something wrong with ME. I learned to not turn on myself but rather have regard for myself.”
~ “I learned to name with compassion – for myself and others – what is happening. I learned to name it, state it, and own my response.”
~ “I learned ways of working through difficulties with other girls and women in ways that honor and regard each girl and woman’s body, feelings, experiences and needs.”
~ “I learned to find my tribe of women. I learned to ask for help. I learned to be with others who uplift and honor each other.”
~ “I learned to speak up. I learned to speak up for myself and for others in the face of injustice – on the playground, in the hallways between classes in middle school, or in international peace negotiations.”
~ “I learned to be an includer. I learned to mindfully abide with whatever I am experiencing within my own inner landscape. And from such a place of inclusion, I learned to include and walk beside others.”
-Lisa McCrohan
The Incident on the Bus
I am not a fan of public transportation. In most places I have lived, it is an inefficient means of getting around. For instance, if I had to commute from my home to Mountain View (25 miles away), a one-way trip would take two and a half hours via light rail and bus. Public transportation also poses other challenges. One memory came up today.
One winter evening when I was 21 and my brother was 13, I took him to a play at a local theater. I lived downtown without a car. I probably cooked him dinner beforehand. After 5 p.m., the buses ran only once every hour; they lined up along a major intersection downtown. We boarded our bus and moved toward a seat in the back. I selected a seat that faced toward the front of the bus and sat by the window; my brother was next to me.
Behind me, perpendicular to my seat, sat a bunch of young men. Directly behind me, a man sat with his elbow jutting over the edge of my seat, preventing me from sitting back. I tried a nonverbal approach at first by simply pushing myself back, hoping he would get the hint and move his arm. He resisted; his arm didn’t budge. I pushed slightly again, and the elbow shoved back. The guys were talking among themselves. I turned around and politely said, “Would you move your arm, please, so I can sit?”
He replied, “NO. And if you ask me again, bitch, I’ll hit you.” I turned around, fuming. I could have decided to move us to a different seat. I decided instead to assert myself. What followed occurred so quickly.
I pushed back, and he didn’t move. I turned back and said, “Really, please –” BAM! He backhanded me in the face and my glasses flew off. I gasped and grabbed my glasses from my lap. I was stunned, and reality felt like slow-motion. I told my brother to get up and move. The other men taunted him, asking if he was going to protect his girlfriend. The buses were about to depart.
My heart pounded, my arms and legs shook. I strode to the front of the bus and told the driver what happened. Behind me, I heard murmurs of discontent and complaint. I was holding up the bus. The driver said, “I can’t do anything about that.” He called the dispatcher, who arrived a moment later and said, “I can call the police if you want. Nothing else to do.” I could feel the annoyance from other passengers on the bus. I declined to pursue that option.
T and I sat right behind the driver, perpendicular to him. I was very scared, shocked, and outraged. I felt helpless and alone. I fought tears, not wanting to weep in public. I was flooded with shame. I stared at nothing, shaking, my mind reeling. A couple blocks onward I glanced toward the back of the bus. The man who’d hit me saw, rose, and walked to the front. He stood in front of me and said, “You want to start something, bitch? Huh?” At this point I was frozen in terror. I stared straight ahead and didn’t respond. He turned around and went back to his seat. We got off at the next stop, several stops early, and trudged the rest of the way through snow and slush to the theater.
All this time, my brother hadn’t spoken. Neither had I. We arrived at the theater, I put on the happy big sister persona (or tried to) and said, “Let’s forget that and enjoy the play.” I spent the rest of the evening feeling removed from the experience. I have no memory of the play, or of how we got home.
Do demographics matter? It was 1984. I was an angry 20-something white woman who identified as lesbian. My attacker was an angry late teen/early 20s black man probably part of a gang. Of course he hit and threatened me. I was only a woman, an uppity white woman. I wasn’t even a woman; I was a bitch. I felt completely unsupported in the situation. Lonely. I had asserted myself, was attacked for it, and NOBODY helped me. I appealed to authority; they didn’t care. Not only did no one help, people complained about being delayed. I was responsible for my brother’s safety. I felt utterly powerless. I felt waves of shame, fear, anger, and sorrow.
For years after that, I never sat further back than the middle of the bus. I avoided eye contact with black men. And to this day, my brother and I have never discussed it.
The Risk of Assumption
Last year in first grade, Bean adored her teacher. Her teacher was wonderful, warm, funny, and had high expectations. She loves kids.
At the end of the year, though, Bean began saying that her teacher hated her. This total 180 in her perception startled me. She also said she didn’t love her teacher anymore. Bean even told strangers — while being sworn in as a Junior Ranger, for example, when the ranger asked her if she liked school — “Yeah, but my teacher hated me.”
I met with her former teacher today for coffee, because we also became friends over the past year. This teacher was assigned to teach second grade next year, so there was a possibility that Bean would have her again. I told Mrs. G about Bean’s story, and she was surprised, puzzled, and concerned. Now, my girl can hold a super glue grip on a grudge, and I was puzzled too but had made a shoulder-shrug peace with it.
This afternoon I told Bean, “Hey, I saw Mrs. G today for coffee!”
Bean: “Why?”
Me: “Because we’re friends. I mentioned to her that you think she hates you. She was sad about that, and surprised. She said, ‘I love Bean!’ What could have I done?'”
Bean: “Well… I’ll tell you what happened. [pause] I told Mrs. G, ‘Next year I really hope I get a different teacher.’ And she said in a stern voice — but maybe it was just her accent — ‘Well, then I’ll make sure you’re not in my class next year.’ And so I thought she hated me.”
Ohhhhhhh! Wow! So I had the opportunity to clarify, and say that Mrs. G was actually giving Bean what she wanted. Bean said yes, she understood, but it was the stern voice. And I pointed out that sometimes people have a serious tone of voice but that it doesn’t mean they are mad. Bean is very sensitive to sternness — it makes her anxious and then she becomes defensive, or even goes on the offense, to protect her feelings. (Her assumption is similar to the phenomenon of bitchy resting face. Sometimes women are assumed to be angry, unfriendly, or bitchy because they aren’t smiling and sparkling. Here is something women with BRF would like you to know.)
After this, Bean said, “Tell Mrs. G I must have misunderstood. And that I think she understands that sometimes you have to move on.” I asked if she thought Mrs. G still hates her. “No,” she replied, “I think she feels loving to me. When can we have a play date with her daughter?”
Enlightenment Through a Cat
God has come into my life. Now, don’t click away. Don’t let that word shut you down. I might not mean what you think I mean. It’s not a word I’ve used in my life for years. Stay with me while I meander through my story.
This is Smokey. He’s been around a long time. He was in the neighborhood when we moved into the house five years ago. He belongs to no one and everyone. For years, I would scratch behind his ears and say hello, and then I’d go on with my life. Someone fed him. Someone gave him shelter in bad weather. But he was just around, and I did not seek him, nor did he seek me. (Of course, my Stella cat was still with us until January 2014.)
In January, Smokey began hanging out in our back yard. He would sleep in our garden. He liked to pop bubbles with Bean. He starting sitting on my lap. He allows me to trim his nails. Even though we didn’t feed him, he stuck around. Last month, I began feeding him. I did this after he brought me a live bird he’d caught and delivered to my feet. So now he gets two meals a day.
I made him a little shelter when rainstorms came. But mostly, he likes to sleep on me or the mulch.
He was injured in early April, so I took him to a vet. He didn’t want to go, but once there he chilled in the exam room waiting for the doctor. I’ve never seen a cat so mellow at a vet’s office.
My husband is not open to having another pet, so for now, Smokey is not permitted in the house. He strides right in the front door some mornings, though, clearly telling us he wants to be ours. I usher him out.
The other day as I sat on my patio with Smokey on my lap, this thought arose: “Every afternoon, God takes a nap on my lap.”
Where did that come from? I don’t know, but it felt true and real. Last Saturday morning after I fed him, I reflected on the morning. And one sentence that came was, “I fed God breakfast, and now he has gone to stroll the neighborhood, looking after all the world.”
Oh my goodness. Yes. God sought me out. God has chosen me. God loves me, and I love God. This word — God — is loaded with so much history for me. It evokes vastly different meanings for people, and so I avoid using it. But this is what IS in my life. This cat. His arrival, his presence, is a call to sit and be quiet. An invitation to intimacy. I recognize God in my life. THIS is what it means to have a relationship with God!
Extending that metaphor, I experience God everywhere. In every person, animal, plant, and rock. God is everything and everywhere. God is found in acts of care, and God is found in simple being. My goodness! Now I get what namaste means! Yeah, yeah, I’d always known what it meant, but now I experience it in my being.
I have used many words to suggest what is divine in my life: Presence, the Mystery, Buddhamind, Spirit, Being, Ground of Being, Life, Chi, Love. They allude to what I mean; they can only suggest. Just as the a photo of the moon is not the moon, a word is not the thing it references. Something as multi-faceted as the Universe can be explored through science, math, literature, and art, but it cannot be totally integrated by the human mind. So we need shorthand, a word or a number, like X, to represent the holy mystery of All That Exists and our relationship with it. Lately, that “something” is the word God. So, God it is.
Easter
This captures the essence of spiritual life for me.
Advent Ideas Focused on Kindness
“There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”
–Edith Wharton
Advent is approaching! (Yes, I know I’m thinking way ahead.) Every year I put special activities (written on slips of paper) in our calendar pockets for us to do each day. This year, we’re going to do something new: random acts of kindness. Below is a list I found online (although I can’t remember where). We’ll pick 24 of these for Advent. And maybe we’ll keep doing it after!
- Leave a bouquet at the hospital; the nurses will know who needs it the most.
- Make a struggling family’s summer by buying them a season pass to the municipal pool.
- Help a friend see today in a wondrous new light: Hand him or her a kaleidoscope.
- If you are in a long line, invite the person behind you to go first.
- Shower the pediatric wing of a hospital with $1 coloring books and $2 boxes of new crayons.
- Hang a sign on a bulletin board that says “Take What You Need” — with tear-off tabs at the bottom for Love, Hope, Faith, and Courage.
- Bring courtesy back in an instant: Hold the door open with a flourish.
- Drop off combs, toothbrushes, and toothpaste at a shelter or a soup kitchen.
- Curb road rage: Let other cars merge onto the highway.
- Leave your neighbors a note that tells them how much joy you find in admiring their garden.
- Put sticky notes with positive messages (e.g., “You look gorgeous!”) on a restroom mirror.
- In low-income families, a baby can spend a day or longer in the same diaper, and laundromats often don’t allow cloth diapers to be washed in machines. Help out a mom and a baby by donating diapers (find a directory of diaper banks at diaperbanknetwork.org).
- Send a thank-you note to the brave officers at your local police station. (Given how we carry on about parking tickets, it’s important to acknowledge the daily risks taken by the men and women on the force.)
- Share the wealth: Ask the grocery clerk to apply your unused coupons to another customer’s items.
- Arrange to pay anonymously for a soldier’s breakfast when you see him or her dining alone.
- Slip a $20 gas card or public-transportation pass into someone’s shopping bag.
- Rekindle your Girl Scout spirit: Pick up trash at a park or a playground.
- Donate your old professional clothes to an organization, like Dress for Success (dressforsuccess.org), that helps women jump-start their careers — and up their confidence.
- Carry someone’s groceries.
- It’s hot out! Offer your mail carrier a glass of iced tea or a $5 Starbucks gift card.
- Bake bread or cookies and deliver the food to a nearby fire station or group home.
- Be the bigger person: Cede the parking space.
- Check “yes” when asked if you wish to become an organ donor — and tell your family.
- Lay your neighbors’ newspaper at their front door along with a plate of blueberry muffins.
- Donate old cell phones to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (ncadv.org), which will use the proceeds for programs that protect families from abuse.
- Sing an employee’s praises to a manager or on a comment card — a little recognition goes a long way.
- Share happy memories. Stick an old photo in the mail to a friend and write a note about the day it was taken on the back.
- Send an ooey-gooey dessert over to another table at a restaurant.
- Leave a copy of a book you love, with a note for the next reader, on the train or the bus.
- Send valentines in August.
- Load extra change into the vending machine to buy the next person a Coke.
- Send somebody an e-card, just because. The funnier, the better.
- Name a star after someone (starregistry.com).
- Forgive someone. Repeat as necessary.
- Resolve to refrain from negative self-talk (you deserve your kindness, too!).
- On trash day, wheel your neighbor’s can out to the curb.
- Relay an overheard compliment.
- You don’t have to send every disadvantaged child to college, but you can buy one of them a life-changing book: Try booksforkids.org.
- To melt away her blues, send a friend a funny video from YouTube.
- Volunteer to read to kids at an after-school program.
- Give your mom a shout-out on your birthday — after all, she deserves some credit for your life.
- Pause and give people the benefit of the doubt. E-mail, especially, can cause unintentional feather-ruffling.
- Bring your spouse coffee in bed.
- Treat an elderly neighbor, with a gift certificate, to a $30 pedicure. Bonus points if you can do so anonymously.
- Dedicate a song on the radio to someone you know is listening during his or her long commute.
- Take kindness on the road: Pay the toll for the car behind you.
- Slow way down when you drive past a pedestrian — 35 mph can seem like the Indy 500 to a woman walking her dog.
- Rescue a wallflower! Strike up a conversation with someone who’s standing alone at a party.
- Leave extra umbrellas in vestibules with notes that say “Use this to stay dry!”
- Deliver fresh-baked cookies to city workers.
- Bring flowers to work and share them with coworkers.
- Simply listen to someone in need.
- Donate a percentage of receipts for the week to a special cause.
- Bring coworkers a special treat.
- Sing at a nursing home.
- Offer a couple of hours of baby-sitting to parents.
- Serve refreshments to customers.
- Treat someone to fresh fruit.
- Pay a compliment at least once a day.
- Hand out balloons to passersby.
- Give free sodas to motorists.
- Transport someone who can’t drive.
- Mow a neighbor’s grass.
- Say something nice to everyone you meet today.
- Send a treat to a school or day-care center.
- Volunteer at an agency that needs help.
- Give the gift of your smile.
- Organize a scouts or service clubs to help people with packages at grocery store.
- Offer to answer the phone for the school secretary for ten minutes.
- Volunteer to read to students in the classroom.
- Give a hug to a friend.
- Tell your children why you love them.
- Write a note to your mother/father and tell them why they are special.
- Pat someone on the back.
- Give coffee to people on their way to work in the morning.
- Give blood.
- Plant flowers in your neighbor’s flower box.
- Give another driver your parking spot.
- Leave a treat or handmade note of thanks for a delivery person or mail carrier.
- Tell your boss that you think he/she does a good job.
- Tell your employees how much you appreciate their work.
- Let your staff leave work an hour early.
- Tell a bus or taxi driver how much you appreciate their driving.
- Give a pair of tickets to a baseball game or concert to a stranger.
- Leave an extra big tip for the waitperson.
- Drop off a plant, cookies, or donuts to the police or fire department.
- Open the door for another person.
- Pay for the meal of the person behind you in the drive-through.
- Be a friend to a new student or coworker.
- Offer to return a shopping cart to the store for someone loading a car.
- Buy a roll of colorful stickers and give them to children you meet during the day.
- Write a card of thanks and leave it with your tip.
- Let the person behind you in the grocery store go ahead of you in line.
- When drivers try to merge into your lane, let them in with a wave and a smile.
- Buy cold drinks for the people next to you at a ball game.
- Distribute kindness bookmarks that you have made.
- Plant a tree.
- As you go about your day, pick up trash.
- Laugh out loud often and be generous with your smile.
- Pay for the order of the person behind you in the drive-thru line.
- Rake leaves or shovel snow for a neighbor.
- Send friends and relatives notes or letters of encouragement on the back of your kids’ artwork.
- Leave love notes for your spouse or kids in places like a briefcase or clothing drawer.
- Bring water, coffee, or hot chocolate to outdoor workers (police officers or crossing guards, for example).
- Put your neighbor’s trashcans away for them after pick-up.
- Buy a soda or candy bar for the cashier when you’re checking out.
- Give a restaurant or coffee gift card to someone (bank cashier, postal worker, homeless person, or random stranger).
- Send a silly card to brighten someone’s day.
- Call or email someone you haven’t talked to in awhile, just to ask how they are.
- Send your spouse a text just to tell him something that you appreciate about him.
- Hide a kind note in a library book.
- Leave your trade credit inside a book or video game at the used book store. (This happened to my son last week. It was just enough to get an inexpensive game and it made his day.)
- Bring your spouse his favorite drink while he’s getting ready for work. (This happened to me last week and it made my day…except, I wasn’t getting ready for work.)
- Cut someone’s grass.
- Bake cookies for someone. (Postal carrier, neighbor, elderly friend, Sunday school teacher, etc.).
- Leave coins on a parking meter or the machines at a laundry mat.
- Pay the toll for the car behind you.
- Help someone load their groceries.
- Offer to return someone’s shopping cart to the store.
- Let someone go ahead of you in the checkout line.
- Let someone pull out or turn in front of you in traffic, if it’s safe to do so.
- Keep unopened kids’ meal toys in your purse to give to kids you encounter (with their parent’s permission).
- Pay for someone’s meal at a restaurant.
- Make extra meals to share with a sick or busy neighbor.
- Offer to keep a friend’s kids so she and her husband can have some time alone.
- Take a friend’s child(ren) shopping for an upcoming holiday so they can buy their parents a surpise gift.
- Make hats for kids with cancer.
- Make cards for nursing home residents…and deliver them with your kids.
- Pick up trash at the park.
- Thank a soldier.
- Make care bags for the homeless – toiletry items, bottled water, food store gift cards, non-perishable/ready-to-eat foods.
- Buy car wash coupons and give them away.
- Leave copy of the Sunday newspaper on your neighbor’s doorstep.
- Clean house for a friend or family member while she’s on vacation.
- Leave extra coupons on the store shelf next to the item they’re good for.
- Pack a bag for someone undergoing chemo – include snacks, bottled water, magazines, word-find games, a mechanical pencil, and a good book.
- Tape envelopes with quarters to vending machines.
- Take care packages to patients with new babies at the hospital.
- Take homemade cookies or cupcakes to the police or fire station.
- Invite a homeschool mom friend’s kids over for the day so she can run errands or do lesson plans alone – or just take a nap!
- Save change throughout the year and bless another family with some extra cash during the holidays.
- Pack a date-night box (movie rental card, popcorn, soft drinks, movie candy) and leave it on someone’s doorstep. Ring the bell and run!
- Take lunch to the ICU waiting room.
- Take magazines, word-find games, or Sudoku puzzles and mechanical pencils to a waiting room.
- Take flowers to a nurses’ station – for the nurses.
- Get a group together to make a meal for your local Ronald McDonald House.
- Give your unwanted newspaper coupons to the lady behind you who’s buying three papers. Chances are, she clips coupons.
- Fix a make-ahead breakfast for a working/school-not-at-home family to make their morning a little smoother.
- Purchase a store gift card or a gas card and send it to a friend in need.