Until recently Claire ate her solid food (stage 2) with gusto. Twice in the last three weeks, though, she has refused most solid food (she’ll take a tablespoon or two of cereal and fruit in the a.m.) in favor of milk. Previously she was eating 3 tablespoons of cereal and a 4-ounce jar of fruit for breakfast, then a 4-ounce jar of veggie for lunch and another for dinner; her daily milk intake was 19-21 ounces. The first time it happened for about five days, and she returned to eating solids again for nearly a week. This latest boycott began on Monday. She’s drinking good amounts of milk (actually increased her intake). She’s otherwise happy and healthy. She’s napping a bit more often and longer as well; this morning she took a two-hour nap. Possibly is this a growth spurt? Or maybe she’s getting tired of semi-liquid solid food and it’s time to offer small bits of our regular meals? (Though she has refused bananas when offered, and it’s her very very favorite food.) Maybe babies instinctively know what they need. She is very clear when she’s hungry and doesn’t want the fare I offer. My question is: has anyone else encountered this? If you have, I’d be interested in knowing your experience.
Category Archives: Motherhood
Random Notes
This was a work weekend. Husband did most of the outdoor work, cleaning and raking the back yard, replacing rotted wood posts, and generally making the space habitable for Claire and me to play. I raked and swept, but much of the credit belongs to him.
I noticed today that plain unleaded gas is $4.39 a gallon in my neighborhood. Just four days ago I paid $4.19 — I’m sure it will get much worse.
I unpacked and stored our emergency food supply — enough to last us a month. We purchased 30 packages of Mayday 3600 calorie food bars; these are good for five years (and probably longer). They are stored in our cars in the “go bags” and in the home emergency supply bin. We don’t have enough water for the county’s recommended timeframe of two weeks, but we’ll amend that soon. Some day there will be a disaster here, most likely an earthquake, and we’ll be (I hope) somewhat prepared to deal with primitive conditions. Beyond gathering supplies and creating a plan, there’s nothing one can do. So it’s done (we’ve had the kits for years but the food got stale), and now we can focus on other things.
I also spent the weekend on Ravelry. It is the BEST site ever for knitters and crocheters. I recorded all my knitting and crochet needles, my entire stash of yarn (which is teeny compared to my friends), my knitting books, favorite patterns, my queue of projects I intend to make. This way I will always know how much yarn I have so that when I find a pattern I love, I can figure out which yarn to use. For non-knitters this may be of little interest, but it is THE BOMB for those who do.
Claire had long naps this weekend — one was 2.5 hours! She was sweet and chipper and her usual beautiful self. She cuddles more and more. We giggle and do nose kisses and generally enjoy our existence. We love her so much. 🙂
I need to go pick up the living room (it’s strewn with toys) and knit a little while before bed. Happy new week!
The Hazards of Motherhood
I have found the past few days challenging. Claire, I think, is teething (I know, it’s ongoing). She has a third tooth breaking through on top, and I think a feel a fourth just under the gum. She’s quickly tired and more fussy, and exceptionally clingy with me. Part of the challenge is the emotional drain, especially since her ego and will are strengthening; as I’ve said before, I can see the toddler in her. I can see how the clash of wills will arise. The other part of the challenge is that she’s getting physically bigger, stronger, and heavier. My arms have been getting stronger, but they do feel the strain. So does my back.
Then there’s the other hazard of motherhood: the chink in the armor that exposes the heart. On NPR this morning I heard a snippet from Story Corps. It was a mother recalling the time when her 10-year old son, who went to watch a sunset from a street corner, was killed by a reckless driver. As she described what she did and felt as she became aware that her son was the focus of the accident scene, and as she described how surprised she was that she survived the loss (because she felt the grief so terribly), and as she described the kind of kid he was, my heart broke and tears poured out. I was sitting on the floor with Claire playing and there was no guard, no warning. I scooped her up and hugged her.
Forget the concept of the “chink in the armor”; there is no armor at all. I just manage, most of the time, to ignore this fact by redirecting my thoughts whenever I’m tempted to think about what it would feel like if something bad happened to Claire or if I lost her. Motherhood is a practice of denial — denial of the ego, of the temptation to torture oneself with terrible fantasies. But first you must be in the vulnerable place of exposure. I wasn’t able to conceive this until I arrived at motherhood.
Posted With Karen In Mind
Hey Karen…
Update 4:55 p.m.: I meant to add that the bib says Feed me and no one gets hurt. It’s a jibe at me; I get very very crabby when I’m hungry. 🙂
About Oleander
Someone asked about how poisonous Oleander is. From Wikipedia:
Oleander is one of the most poisonous plants and contains numerous toxic compounds, many of which can be deadly to people, especially young children. The toxicity of Oleander is considered extremely high and it has been reported that in some cases only a small amount had lethal or near lethal effects (Goetz 1998). The most significant of these toxins are oleandrin and neriine, which are cardiac glycosides (Goetz 1998). “Cardiac glycocides are naturally occurring” plant or animal compounds “whose actions include both beneficial and toxic effects on the heart” (Desai 2000). They are present in all parts of the plant, but are most concentrated in the sap, which can block out receptors in the skin causing numbness. It is thought that Oleander may contain many other unknown or un-researched compounds that may have dangerous effects (Inchem 2005). Oleander bark contains rosagenin which is known for its strychnine-like effects. The entire plant including the milky white sap is toxic and any part can cause an adverse reaction. Oleander is also known to hold its toxicity even after drying. It is thought that a handful or 10-20 leaves consumed by an adult can cause an adverse reaction, and a single leaf could be lethal to an infant or child. According to the Toxic Exposure Surveillance System (TESS) in 2002 there were 847 known human poisonings in the United States related to Oleander (Watson 2003). There are innumerable reported suicidal cases of consuming mashed oleander seeds in southern India. In animals, around 0.5 mg per kilogram of body weight is lethal to many animals, and various other doses will affect other animals (Inchem 2005). Most animals can suffer a reaction or death from this plant.
We still have a lot of clean-up to do out back to get rid of dried old leaves, and we’ll still need to be very alert when Claire is out there.
Transition
When we moved into this town home, we didn’t realize how dark it was until after we arrived. There are two citrus trees in back, and there were three huge, overgrown Oleanders. The next door neighbor spoke to us about getting the Oleander trimmed, since they shed constantly and their leaves were hurting her Camellias. We didn’t pursue it since we were renting and had other things to ask the landlords to fix first.
But a month ago we learned that Oleander, while very pretty, is poisonous. Just touching the leaves can be harmful. We want Claire to be safe out back. Since we are renewing the lease, it seemed like a good time to ask they be trimmed. We made the case to the owners, who sent someone to make an estimate. The recommendation was to remove them entirely. This morning that job was done. Now the backyard feels naked. One tree, a privet, was left; it was determined to be stable, provides a little shade, and doesn’t drop leaves. But it’s gangly, since the Oleander choked it so long the trunk is tall and branchless.
I’m always sad to see trees cut down. We’ve also lost some privacy. The foliage really blocked the view of our neighbors on both sides. One neighbor lives about 30 feet behind us (and they engage in loud and ugly arguments, from which the foliage gave at least visual protection). Yet safety is a priority. And now we have much more light coming into the house while still enjoying pockets of shade outside.
Claire’s Latest
Claire has begun to make the kissing/fish mouth. She especially likes when I make a fish face; she laughs.
She crawls all over the room chasing the cat, who is determined to hang out with the rest of us. Stella moves about four feet away, and Claire just turns and heads forth. As soon as she’s close enough, Stella moves again. This doesn’t discourage Claire; she laughs and thinks it’s part of the game.
Claire waves hello to nearly everything (water fountains, decorations on her bedroom walls, mirror images).
Another tooth is coming in on top, but it’s taking its sweet time.
Claire wants more cuddle except at nap time; she wriggles a lot then, and I have to stand up and rock her that way while singing her lullabyes.
Her naps are more regular lately – usually the morning is 45 minutes, the afternoon 90 minutes and 30 minutes (late afternoon if she needs it). She still sleeps from about 8 p.m. until 6:30 a.m.
Claire pulls every book off the bookshelf that she can reach.
She crossed the threshold from the carpet to the parquet floor in the kitchen and entryway. Last weekend I cleaned them very well, and I’m glad I did. A few hours later she decided to lick the floor, and she’s done this several times. (We don’t wear outside shoes in the house.)
Just this morning, she sat up from lying on her tummy. One minute she was on her stomach, and I turned my back. When I turned toward her again, she was sitting up! This has happened several times today. I’m amazed at how much preparation there is and then, *pop* the milestone is reached!
I Should Have Gone To Bed Hours Ago
But I made this instead.
Claire is fascinated by buttons. If she’s crying and you show her buttons, she immediately stops and begins examining them. I have a collection of buttons (some inherited from my Mom), so I sorted through for interesting ones. Then I cadged an old shirt from Husband and constructed a pillow cover out of it, sewed them on, and covered an ugly pillow (purchased on clearance for $1.50 at Linens-n-Things). Voila! A new toy (to be used with supervision) for almost no money. You can see greater detail here.
I Shall Read This One
Forecast
Update at 6:42 p.m.: It’s 97.4F. I know, it’s not a cyclone or earthquake. Just plain HOT. And only mid-May.
Update at 4:17 p.m.: Am I in Texas again?! It’s 103.8F!
Update at 2:12 p.m.: Temperature is 100.6F. Whew!
Today the high will be near 100. Yesterday it was the mid-90s. Tomorrow is predicted to be near 100. Saturday the highs will be in the 90s.
Gas is also over $4.00 a gallon for regular unleaded now.
Claire seems to have caught another cold. She slept long naps yesterday, and today she is sneezing, congested, has a runny nose, and is taking a really long morning nap (for her). Not even the garbage truck has intruded on her rest.
We’re moving slowly, or not at all, around here.
Sleep Training
She commando crawls to the bookshelves and pulls out whatever is in reach. There’s a video on my Flickr site for friends and family to watch if you want.
Yes, we’re terrible parents who applied some of Ferber’s concepts. Actually, the book has great information about the nature of sleep in children and adults. We’ve found that more helpful than the training techniques he suggests.
Relevance
This post has been updated with an extra link.
I’m not writing as much these days. Never in my life have I been so spent by the day’s end. Mothering has brought into focus for me what is real and what matters. It burns off all that is extraneous. Being used so completely simplifies my options. I must choose what matters, what merits my precious little free time and energy.
But it’s not just how I spend my free time. This has affected my thinking as well. Once upon a time I would ponder past experiences and relationships. I felt compelled to think about why certain relationships I’m in have unfolded the way they have. I psychoanalyzed. I looked for meaning. I rehashed the past — the injustices done, the abuse experienced, the chances lost.
One day I was in the shower and I began to think of a family member with whom I’m estranged. As I waded into my thoughts I had a realization: none of this matters now. The circumstances of how it came to be don’t matter to Claire. She is not me. The pain I experienced growing up and in my early adult life will not be her pain. In order to give her a free life, her own life, I must release my past so I don’t confuse her life with mine. It doesn’t matter anymore if so-and-so treated me badly, and it doesn’t matter how his life experiences shaped him so that he treated me thusly. It doesn’t matter if someone else’s relationship affected me immensely growing up. What matters is how Husband and I relate to one another as spouses and parents. What matters is how I respond to the challenges Claire will face, and how I help her to navigate them. What matters is being here now, keeping company with my daughter as she encounters life. This requires letting go of the past, returning constantly to what’s in front of me. With regard to the broken relationship, I can either attempt to reconnect with this person or I can drop it. Life is too precious to waste on ruminating about it.
I used to need to tell my story. And sure, someday maybe I will. But I’ve got something so much more important and fulfilling to attend to: my life, and my daughter.
Basically, Karen wrote about this last week and then again today; she says it so much better than I.
So, you wonder, what do I do with my free time? After chores (laundry, cleaning, prepping Claire’s food, putting away toys, etc.) I’ve been knitting. I read when I can focus mentally. I doodle. I try to make art. I get a good night’s sleep. I’ve been thinking about writing this post for several weeks, and tonight I forced myself to do it. The more aware Claire becomes, the less important blogging and the Internet is to me. I’ll still be around. Just a little more scarce.
—-
My first mother’s day was sweet. I received snail mail cards, e-cards, phone calls, gifts. Husband cooked a steak dinner for me with corn on the cob and macaroni and cheese. Since Claire now naps in her crib, I got a chance to go knit with my friends who own a yarn shop. And then I had a nap!
Zazen
Perhaps I ought to follow her lead.
At Eight Months
Claire can:
- bear weight on her legs and stand while holding on to something and with light support around her middle.
- feed herself Zwieback or cracker.
- look for a dropped object.
- rake objects with her fingers and pick them up in her fist.
- hold a toy in each hand.
- tap two objects together, such as a small ball held in each hand.
- pass an object from one hand to the other.
- work to get a toy out of reach, and now “commando crawls” to get to it.
- understand and enjoy peekaboo but doesn’t yet cover her eyes.
- creep and commando crawl as well as roll and pivot her way across the room; Stella provides great incentive, since she’s a movable toy as far as Claire is concerned.
- say “mama” and “dada” indiscriminately, as well as “baba.”
- wave hello and bye-bye (though not always on command).
- bring her arms together to clap but doesn’t yet open her hands to make the palms meet; the fists meet.
- understand “no” (which is used rarely such as when she tries to roll over on the changing table).
Claire has not met a stranger yet. She genuinely enjoys people and readily smiles at and responds when others say hello and talk to her. She’ll sometimes even have “conversations” with them. However, Claire is definitely beginning to experience separation anxiety. If I begin to walk away from her, she cries. She often prefers me to Husband, especially at the end of the day when she is tired. I think object permanence has been established; it’s clear that she recognizes the sound of my footsteps and will coo, whine, or cry when hearing them depending on her mood.
Claire now naps in her crib. She was taking only 30-minute naps three times a day until recently. Since she’s often still tired after only 30 minutes, I was hoping for improvement there. Monday a mother made a suggestion that seems to have worked the past couple days. After she’s been asleep 10-15 minutes, I place a small, buckwheat-filled sack (the kind you heat in the microwave to use as a heating pad, but I don’t heat it) on her back. (She now rolls onto her tummy to sleep.) Tuesday her first nap was 70 minutes and the second was an hour. Wednesday the morning was 40 minutes and the afternoon was 1 hour and 20 minutes. There is a lot less eye-rubbing, yawning, and whining as a result. And we’ve made progress in that I’m no longer her bed! Before a nap I read her a couple of books, and then we say “goodnight” to Mirror Baby and the Mama Moon drawing. Then I rock her and sing four lullabies — the exact same ones in the exact same order — for five minutes. Then I kiss her, tell her I love her and that we’ll play after her nap. She will fuss, sometimes for up to twenty minutes, but usually she relents and allows sleep to come.
Claire’s been drooling to beat the band and chewing avidly on everything, and when I can glimpse inside her mouth, I think her gums are puffy where her two front teeth will appear. She eats heartily and recently has added squash, spinach, and potatoes to her menu, as well as peaches, apricots, and plums. When she drinks her bottle, Claire likes to play with my hair. After the morning bottle, she’ll nuzzle her head into my neck and cuddle.
We go out at least once every day to interact with people (run errands, play date, music class), and I try to get to the park daily too. Claire enjoys the swing so much and will stay in there up to half an hour if I’m willing to push that long. The play group I’m in has coordinated smaller groups of women called Sit-n-Plays. Up to six women who have discovered an affinity for each other and whose children are close in age meet once a week in each other’s homes to develop closer friendships. Eventually when the kids are old enough, they’ll actually play together. Right now they all sit around playing with toys and babbling and occasionally trying to touch or taste each other.
Life is luscious. Happy 8th month birthday, my love.
Please, Tell Me
To my readers who have baby-proofed their home, and in particular have installed cabinet latches — the type that you press down on as you open the door so it doesn’t catch:
How long until I stop forgetting they’re there and attempting to open the door only to have the latch catch and practically rip my nail off?
I feel rather stupid attempting to open my cabinet doors now.