Category Archives: Regional

45

I have 45 minutes to write this, so we’ll see what pours out.

Today
I have a beautiful nine-month-old daughter who is pulling up and longs to stand by herself. She is starting to cruise. She’s becoming more aware and more of a little individual daily. Today I am physically and mentally healthy. Today I am in a secure, strong, happy marriage. Today I am able to stay home to raise my daughter, while Husband works at a good company at a job he enjoys. Today dinner will be a hefty ribeye steak with corn on the cob and a nice Syrah, followed by Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream for dessert. I am loved and enjoy a beautiful life. I feel I have found my life’s calling in motherhood. I didn’t realize this was the case, that this is what my heart longed for all along, until Claire arrived.

2003 – 5 Years Ago
On this day, I was in Syracuse visiting my parents and one of my sisters celebrating my 40th birthday. It was a lovely visit, and I felt much joy at turning 40. I resided in Austin, living with but not yet married to Husband. I had earned my certification as a Licensed Professional Counselor and, having “paid my dues” working in community mental health, I had a growing private practice. I had been blogging for one year, and in 2003 I learned a very painful lesson about what was appropriate for blogging. The lesson cost me three friendships and some deep family heartache. On the other hand, I was blessed by many friends via the Internet because of this new type of social expression and connection.

1998 – 10 Years Ago
I was attending graduate school full-time and working full-time at UT Austin. On this day that year I was arranging to get my navel pierced and deciding what my first tattoo would be. I was battling a serious bout of major depression triggered by a number of factors (working through the aftermath of a sexual assault that happened in 1994, grief over the untimely death of an animal companion, a romantic relationship gone bad with someone I worked with daily, the loss of community upon leaving a fundamentalist religion, a potentially violent scary neighbor upstairs who kept me up all night) — all of which compounded a physical disposition toward depression. (In other words, it runs in my family genes.) I was riddled with self-doubt and fear; I fought a compulsion to injure myself with sharp objects. I started Vipassana meditation this year, and this helped. Much later in the year I tried anti-depressants for the first time, and they catalyzed a dramatic improvement in my well-being.

1993 – 15 Years Ago
On this day I celebrated with friends. Co-workers bought me roses, cake, and funny balloons. On my 30th birthday I embraced a new decade. My twenties had been difficult, shrouded with depression, financial problems, confusion about my identity, and trouble becoming mentally emancipated from family dynamics. I had finally completed my bachelor’s degree at SUNY Oswego after ten arduous years. I was dreaming about a new life, which I brought about for myself in 1994 by moving to Austin, Texas.

1988 – 20 Years Ago
I had moved home briefly to live with my parents after ending a five-year relationship, because I was deeply in debt. I worked two jobs to get out of debt and save money so I could attend college full-time in 1989. I agonized over my age; every birthday in my twenties was an occasion to lambast myself for not having accomplished anything with my life. I felt time was escaping me and I was afraid.

1983 – 25 Years Ago
I was attending a business institute for secretarial studies (which I hated, but it was an act of desperation so I could become employable and independent). I worked part-time, rented a room from my parents until the end of the year. In December I moved to a room at the Mizpah tower in downtown Syracuse, a low-cost residence for women. It was a heady time, living on my own at last. I declared my sexual orientation as lesbian. I met a woman who became my companion and partner for five years.

1978 – 30 Years Ago
I was a fundamentalist born-again Catholic struggling to feel some self-worth. I was a loner in high school and had one close friend. I had poor self-esteem and felt hopeless most of the time. This was the onset of minor depression. I began writing journals in earnest.

1973 – 35 Years Ago
I was lost in a family storm. I won’t provide details out of respect for the privacy of family members.

1968 – 40 Years Ago
I was a cute little kindergartner who adored my stuffed animals and was terrified of thunderstorms. That was the year of social craziness with RFK and Martin Luther King Jr. being assassinated, plus the Tet offensive in Vietnam. I have an image from television news branded into my memory of an injured soldier with his brains outside his head on the ground. (It haunted me. What the hell were newscasters thinking?)

1963 – 45 Years Ago
I came into this world at 3:47 a.m., which explains why I’ve always been a night owl.

Life for me improved over the years. I’m aging well. 🙂 I’ve received many sweet cards and gifts today. I thought I’d share a chuckle from my brother.

My Brother, He So Funny

my brother, he so funny

Right Now

The temperature is 106.9F. Today I closed all the windows and curtains in the lower house levels, and left the skylight in the loft open with fans blowing upward to push heat out. It’s actually tolerable in here with the lights off.

Also, regular unleaded gas is now $4.79 per gallon.

98.5

That’s the temperature right now and it’s only 2:45. Little Miss is not napping well today. But she’s cheerful for the most part. She has begun pulling up in earnest this week and uses me often as a climbing wall. The other day she pulled up using the ottoman; there’s a blanket with fringe that covers it. She grabbed a piece of fringe and held on, letting go with the other hand, and stood there! She wobbled and wavered, but she was unsupported by me. She looks very, very proud and happy when she pulls up successfully.

I swear, I do stuff around here, but at the day’s end it seems like nothing. Steaming and pureeing five kinds of vegetables and freezing them in ice cube trays doesn’t add up to much. Doing laundry and vacuuming isn’t that visible. Slicing bits of cantaloupe small enough so Claire can eat them without choking takes time but doesn’t have a big impact. Then there’s the 15 diaper changes in a day, plus the four bottle feedings and the three leisurely meals in a high chair. Then I get up and do much of it over the next day. It’s a good thing I don’t have to justify my work in order to keep a paycheck.

Darn, I could use a nap even if my sweet baby doesn’t!

I Don’t Know What To Do With What I Feel

Yesterday, in Stanislaus County, California

TURLOCK — A crazed man parked on a dark country road Saturday night, took a toddler from the car seat in his pickup and beat the boy to death until a Modesto police officer, dropped on the scene by helicopter, shot the man dead, authorities said.

Passers-by calling 911 at 10:13 p.m. described a horrific scene on West Bradbury Road near the intersection of South Blaker Road in rural Stanislaus County, 10 miles west of Turlock. At least one tried to stop the 27-year-old attacker, who swung and slammed the toddler into the asphalt and stomped on him behind his parked four-door Toyota pickup.

“In the shadows and light it looked like he had hit an animal,” said Dan Robinson, the chief of Crows Landing Volunteer Fire Department, who came upon the chaos on his way home from a late dinner in Turlock. “As we backed up again, I could see that he had blood on his arms. I could see that it was a small child.”

—Modesto Bee

The articles I’ve read state that witnesses attempted to stop the man but couldn’t. How can this be? How can adults fail to protect a baby? The man exclaimed the boy had demons in him. How is it that a bunch of adults failed to somehow grab the child away or pile on top of the attacker to subdue him? I know, I wasn’t there, I shouldn’t judge. I’m trying not to judge. I ask the questions out of shock and horror, because this news is difficult to apprehend.

Once police arrived on the scene, the attacker was shot to death. The child is guessed to be 12 to 24 months old, but DNA tests will be needed to identify him, because the boy was beaten beyond recognition.

I want to weep.

New Yarns, New Ideas

Today Claire and I visited a new yarn store, Green Planet Yarn, in Campbell. They feature yarns that are organic, plant-dyed, US grown, fair trade and recycled fibers. I ended up buying one skein of yarn to make a scarf that will teach me a new skill. While there, Claire modeled a baby hat that one employee was designing, and she looked very adorable. Once the hat is done maybe she’ll model it for a photo. She was a hit there and enjoyed every minute.

While there I also picked up a pamphlet describing the Mother Bear Project. The pattern can be purchased for $5, and it’s a great way to use up old scrap yarn. Check out the photo gallery. It’s inspiring!

KIP Day

On June 14 will be the third Worldwide Knit In Public Day. From the website:

Knitting is such a solitary act that it’s easy to knit alone somewhere and sink into your work without thinking about all the other knitters out there. Neighbors could spend all their lives never knowing that the other knits. This a specific day to get out of your house and go to a local event (with your knitting in tow) just for you and people like you. Who knows you might even bump into your neighbor! Consider this a spark, to ignite a fire; getting all of the closeted knitters out into fresh air.

In the past some people have used this event as a means to show the general public that ‘not only grannies knit!’ and while that’s great and all, keep in mind that without those ‘grannies’ we wouldn’t have the wealth of knitting knowledge that we do.

WWKiP Day is really about showing the general public that knitting can be a community activity in a very distinct way. In some places there are many different knitting groups that never interact with each other, on WWKiP Day they come together in one place, making them hard to miss.

When I started knitting it was already so popular that it doesn’t seem like a too-solitary activity to me. I suppose it doesn’t hurt that some of my friends own a yarn store and live and breathe all things knitting-related. Not everyone has that, though, so I can see the point of having the day. To find one near you, check this link.

About Oleander

Someone asked about how poisonous Oleander is. From Wikipedia:

Oleander is one of the most poisonous plants and contains numerous toxic compounds, many of which can be deadly to people, especially young children. The toxicity of Oleander is considered extremely high and it has been reported that in some cases only a small amount had lethal or near lethal effects (Goetz 1998). The most significant of these toxins are oleandrin and neriine, which are cardiac glycosides (Goetz 1998). “Cardiac glycocides are naturally occurring” plant or animal compounds “whose actions include both beneficial and toxic effects on the heart” (Desai 2000). They are present in all parts of the plant, but are most concentrated in the sap, which can block out receptors in the skin causing numbness. It is thought that Oleander may contain many other unknown or un-researched compounds that may have dangerous effects (Inchem 2005). Oleander bark contains rosagenin which is known for its strychnine-like effects. The entire plant including the milky white sap is toxic and any part can cause an adverse reaction. Oleander is also known to hold its toxicity even after drying. It is thought that a handful or 10-20 leaves consumed by an adult can cause an adverse reaction, and a single leaf could be lethal to an infant or child. According to the Toxic Exposure Surveillance System (TESS) in 2002 there were 847 known human poisonings in the United States related to Oleander (Watson 2003). There are innumerable reported suicidal cases of consuming mashed oleander seeds in southern India. In animals, around 0.5 mg per kilogram of body weight is lethal to many animals, and various other doses will affect other animals (Inchem 2005). Most animals can suffer a reaction or death from this plant.

We still have a lot of clean-up to do out back to get rid of dried old leaves, and we’ll still need to be very alert when Claire is out there.

Transition

When we moved into this town home, we didn’t realize how dark it was until after we arrived. There are two citrus trees in back, and there were three huge, overgrown Oleanders. The next door neighbor spoke to us about getting the Oleander trimmed, since they shed constantly and their leaves were hurting her Camellias. We didn’t pursue it since we were renting and had other things to ask the landlords to fix first.

But a month ago we learned that Oleander, while very pretty, is poisonous. Just touching the leaves can be harmful. We want Claire to be safe out back. Since we are renewing the lease, it seemed like a good time to ask they be trimmed. We made the case to the owners, who sent someone to make an estimate. The recommendation was to remove them entirely. This morning that job was done. Now the backyard feels naked. One tree, a privet, was left; it was determined to be stable, provides a little shade, and doesn’t drop leaves. But it’s gangly, since the Oleander choked it so long the trunk is tall and branchless.

I’m always sad to see trees cut down. We’ve also lost some privacy. The foliage really blocked the view of our neighbors on both sides. One neighbor lives about 30 feet behind us (and they engage in loud and ugly arguments, from which the foliage gave at least visual protection). Yet safety is a priority. And now we have much more light coming into the house while still enjoying pockets of shade outside.

Before cutting, side view

before tree cutting

After cutting, side view

after tree cutting

Before cutting, direct back view

before tree cutting 2

After cutting, direct back view

after tree cutting 2

After cutting, direct back view again

after tree cutting 3

Forecast

Update at 6:42 p.m.: It’s 97.4F. I know, it’s not a cyclone or earthquake. Just plain HOT. And only mid-May.

Update at 4:17 p.m.: Am I in Texas again?! It’s 103.8F!

Update at 2:12 p.m.: Temperature is 100.6F. Whew!

Today the high will be near 100. Yesterday it was the mid-90s. Tomorrow is predicted to be near 100. Saturday the highs will be in the 90s.

Gas is also over $4.00 a gallon for regular unleaded now.

Claire seems to have caught another cold. She slept long naps yesterday, and today she is sneezing, congested, has a runny nose, and is taking a really long morning nap (for her). Not even the garbage truck has intruded on her rest.

We’re moving slowly, or not at all, around here.

There Are No Words

There are no words to convey what I feel tonight. We said good-bye to Claire’s great-grandma and grandma. Claire’s great-grandma will be 86 years old this year. She made a long trip from Houston to see her first great-grandchild. They depart early in the morning, and this moment feels bittersweet. It was a wonderful visit. One never knows what the future brings, and if it will bring another opportunity to visit. I am grateful for what life has given us.

hands