Category Archives: Regional

45

I have 45 minutes to write this, so we’ll see what pours out.

Today
I have a beautiful nine-month-old daughter who is pulling up and longs to stand by herself. She is starting to cruise. She’s becoming more aware and more of a little individual daily. Today I am physically and mentally healthy. Today I am in a secure, strong, happy marriage. Today I am able to stay home to raise my daughter, while Husband works at a good company at a job he enjoys. Today dinner will be a hefty ribeye steak with corn on the cob and a nice Syrah, followed by Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream for dessert. I am loved and enjoy a beautiful life. I feel I have found my life’s calling in motherhood. I didn’t realize this was the case, that this is what my heart longed for all along, until Bean arrived.

2003 – 5 Years Ago
On this day, I was in Syracuse visiting my parents and one of my sisters celebrating my 40th birthday. It was a lovely visit, and I felt much joy at turning 40. I resided in Austin, living with but not yet married to Husband. I had earned my certification as a Licensed Professional Counselor and, having “paid my dues” working in community mental health, I had a growing private practice. I had been blogging for one year, and in 2003 I learned a very painful lesson about what was appropriate for blogging. The lesson cost me three friendships and some deep family heartache. On the other hand, I was blessed by many friends via the Internet because of this new type of social expression and connection.

1998 – 10 Years Ago
I was attending graduate school full-time and working full-time at UT Austin. On this day that year I was arranging to get my navel pierced and deciding what my first tattoo would be. I was battling a serious bout of major depression triggered by a number of factors (working through the aftermath of a sexual assault that happened in 1994, grief over the untimely death of an animal companion, a romantic relationship gone bad with someone I worked with daily, the loss of community upon leaving a fundamentalist religion, a potentially violent scary neighbor upstairs who kept me up all night) — all of which compounded a physical disposition toward depression. (In other words, it runs in my family genes.) I was riddled with self-doubt and fear; I fought a compulsion to injure myself with sharp objects. I started Vipassana meditation this year, and this helped. Much later in the year I tried anti-depressants for the first time, and they catalyzed a dramatic improvement in my well-being.

1993 – 15 Years Ago
On this day I celebrated with friends. Co-workers bought me roses, cake, and funny balloons. On my 30th birthday I embraced a new decade. My twenties had been difficult, shrouded with depression, financial problems, confusion about my identity, and trouble becoming mentally emancipated from family dynamics. I had finally completed my bachelor’s degree at SUNY Oswego after ten arduous years. I was dreaming about a new life, which I brought about for myself in 1994 by moving to Austin, Texas.

1988 – 20 Years Ago
I had moved home briefly to live with my parents after ending a five-year relationship, because I was deeply in debt. I worked two jobs to get out of debt and save money so I could attend college full-time in 1989. I agonized over my age; every birthday in my twenties was an occasion to lambast myself for not having accomplished anything with my life. I felt time was escaping me and I was afraid.

1983 – 25 Years Ago
I was attending a business institute for secretarial studies (which I hated, but it was an act of desperation so I could become employable and independent). I worked part-time, rented a room from my parents until the end of the year. In December I moved to a room at the Mizpah tower in downtown Syracuse, a low-cost residence for women. It was a heady time, living on my own at last. I declared my sexual orientation as lesbian. I met a woman who became my companion and partner for five years.

1978 – 30 Years Ago
I was a fundamentalist born-again Catholic struggling to feel some self-worth. I was a loner in high school and had one close friend. I had poor self-esteem and felt hopeless most of the time. This was the onset of minor depression. I began writing journals in earnest.

1973 – 35 Years Ago
I was lost in a family storm. I won’t provide details out of respect for the privacy of family members.

1968 – 40 Years Ago
I was a cute little kindergartner who adored my stuffed animals and was terrified of thunderstorms. That was the year of social craziness with RFK and Martin Luther King Jr. being assassinated, plus the Tet offensive in Vietnam. I have an image from television news branded into my memory of an injured soldier with his brains outside his head on the ground. (It haunted me. What the hell were newscasters thinking?)

1963 – 45 Years Ago
I came into this world at 3:47 a.m., which explains why I’ve always been a night owl.

Life for me improved over the years. I’m aging well. 🙂 I’ve received many sweet cards and gifts today. I thought I’d share a chuckle from my brother.

My Brother, He So Funny

my brother, he so funny

Right Now

The temperature is 106.9F. Today I closed all the windows and curtains in the lower house levels, and left the skylight in the loft open with fans blowing upward to push heat out. It’s actually tolerable in here with the lights off.

Also, regular unleaded gas is now $4.79 per gallon.

98.5

That’s the temperature right now and it’s only 2:45. Little Miss is not napping well today. But she’s cheerful for the most part. She has begun pulling up in earnest this week and uses me often as a climbing wall. The other day she pulled up using the ottoman; there’s a blanket with fringe that covers it. She grabbed a piece of fringe and held on, letting go with the other hand, and stood there! She wobbled and wavered, but she was unsupported by me. She looks very, very proud and happy when she pulls up successfully.

I swear, I do stuff around here, but at the day’s end it seems like nothing. Steaming and pureeing five kinds of vegetables and freezing them in ice cube trays doesn’t add up to much. Doing laundry and vacuuming isn’t that visible. Slicing bits of cantaloupe small enough so Bean can eat them without choking takes time but doesn’t have a big impact. Then there’s the 15 diaper changes in a day, plus the four bottle feedings and the three leisurely meals in a high chair. Then I get up and do much of it over the next day. It’s a good thing I don’t have to justify my work in order to keep a paycheck.

Darn, I could use a nap even if my sweet baby doesn’t!

I Don’t Know What To Do With What I Feel

Yesterday, in Stanislaus County, California

TURLOCK — A crazed man parked on a dark country road Saturday night, took a toddler from the car seat in his pickup and beat the boy to death until a Modesto police officer, dropped on the scene by helicopter, shot the man dead, authorities said.

Passers-by calling 911 at 10:13 p.m. described a horrific scene on West Bradbury Road near the intersection of South Blaker Road in rural Stanislaus County, 10 miles west of Turlock. At least one tried to stop the 27-year-old attacker, who swung and slammed the toddler into the asphalt and stomped on him behind his parked four-door Toyota pickup.

“In the shadows and light it looked like he had hit an animal,” said Dan Robinson, the chief of Crows Landing Volunteer Fire Department, who came upon the chaos on his way home from a late dinner in Turlock. “As we backed up again, I could see that he had blood on his arms. I could see that it was a small child.”

—Modesto Bee

The articles I’ve read state that witnesses attempted to stop the man but couldn’t. How can this be? How can adults fail to protect a baby? The man exclaimed the boy had demons in him. How is it that a bunch of adults failed to somehow grab the child away or pile on top of the attacker to subdue him? I know, I wasn’t there, I shouldn’t judge. I’m trying not to judge. I ask the questions out of shock and horror, because this news is difficult to apprehend.

Once police arrived on the scene, the attacker was shot to death. The child is guessed to be 12 to 24 months old, but DNA tests will be needed to identify him, because the boy was beaten beyond recognition.

I want to weep.

New Yarns, New Ideas

Today Bean and I visited a new yarn store, Green Planet Yarn, in Campbell. They feature yarns that are organic, plant-dyed, US grown, fair trade and recycled fibers. I ended up buying one skein of yarn to make a scarf that will teach me a new skill. While there, Bean modeled a baby hat that one employee was designing, and she looked very adorable. Once the hat is done maybe she’ll model it for a photo. She was a hit there and enjoyed every minute.

While there I also picked up a pamphlet describing the Mother Bear Project. The pattern can be purchased for $5, and it’s a great way to use up old scrap yarn. Check out the photo gallery. It’s inspiring!

KIP Day

On June 14 will be the third Worldwide Knit In Public Day. From the website:

Knitting is such a solitary act that it’s easy to knit alone somewhere and sink into your work without thinking about all the other knitters out there. Neighbors could spend all their lives never knowing that the other knits. This a specific day to get out of your house and go to a local event (with your knitting in tow) just for you and people like you. Who knows you might even bump into your neighbor! Consider this a spark, to ignite a fire; getting all of the closeted knitters out into fresh air.

In the past some people have used this event as a means to show the general public that ‘not only grannies knit!’ and while that’s great and all, keep in mind that without those ‘grannies’ we wouldn’t have the wealth of knitting knowledge that we do.

WWKiP Day is really about showing the general public that knitting can be a community activity in a very distinct way. In some places there are many different knitting groups that never interact with each other, on WWKiP Day they come together in one place, making them hard to miss.

When I started knitting it was already so popular that it doesn’t seem like a too-solitary activity to me. I suppose it doesn’t hurt that some of my friends own a yarn store and live and breathe all things knitting-related. Not everyone has that, though, so I can see the point of having the day. To find one near you, check this link.

About Oleander

Someone asked about how poisonous Oleander is. From Wikipedia:

Oleander is one of the most poisonous plants and contains numerous toxic compounds, many of which can be deadly to people, especially young children. The toxicity of Oleander is considered extremely high and it has been reported that in some cases only a small amount had lethal or near lethal effects (Goetz 1998). The most significant of these toxins are oleandrin and neriine, which are cardiac glycosides (Goetz 1998). “Cardiac glycocides are naturally occurring” plant or animal compounds “whose actions include both beneficial and toxic effects on the heart” (Desai 2000). They are present in all parts of the plant, but are most concentrated in the sap, which can block out receptors in the skin causing numbness. It is thought that Oleander may contain many other unknown or un-researched compounds that may have dangerous effects (Inchem 2005). Oleander bark contains rosagenin which is known for its strychnine-like effects. The entire plant including the milky white sap is toxic and any part can cause an adverse reaction. Oleander is also known to hold its toxicity even after drying. It is thought that a handful or 10-20 leaves consumed by an adult can cause an adverse reaction, and a single leaf could be lethal to an infant or child. According to the Toxic Exposure Surveillance System (TESS) in 2002 there were 847 known human poisonings in the United States related to Oleander (Watson 2003). There are innumerable reported suicidal cases of consuming mashed oleander seeds in southern India. In animals, around 0.5 mg per kilogram of body weight is lethal to many animals, and various other doses will affect other animals (Inchem 2005). Most animals can suffer a reaction or death from this plant.

We still have a lot of clean-up to do out back to get rid of dried old leaves, and we’ll still need to be very alert when Bean is out there.

Transition

When we moved into this town home, we didn’t realize how dark it was until after we arrived. There are two citrus trees in back, and there were three huge, overgrown Oleanders. The next door neighbor spoke to us about getting the Oleander trimmed, since they shed constantly and their leaves were hurting her Camellias. We didn’t pursue it since we were renting and had other things to ask the landlords to fix first.

But a month ago we learned that Oleander, while very pretty, is poisonous. Just touching the leaves can be harmful. We want Bean to be safe out back. Since we are renewing the lease, it seemed like a good time to ask they be trimmed. We made the case to the owners, who sent someone to make an estimate. The recommendation was to remove them entirely. This morning that job was done. Now the backyard feels naked. One tree, a privet, was left; it was determined to be stable, provides a little shade, and doesn’t drop leaves. But it’s gangly, since the Oleander choked it so long the trunk is tall and branchless.

I’m always sad to see trees cut down. We’ve also lost some privacy. The foliage really blocked the view of our neighbors on both sides. One neighbor lives about 30 feet behind us (and they engage in loud and ugly arguments, from which the foliage gave at least visual protection). Yet safety is a priority. And now we have much more light coming into the house while still enjoying pockets of shade outside.

Before cutting, side view

before tree cutting

After cutting, side view

after tree cutting

Before cutting, direct back view

before tree cutting 2

After cutting, direct back view

after tree cutting 2

After cutting, direct back view again

after tree cutting 3

Forecast

Update at 6:42 p.m.: It’s 97.4F. I know, it’s not a cyclone or earthquake. Just plain HOT. And only mid-May.

Update at 4:17 p.m.: Am I in Texas again?! It’s 103.8F!

Update at 2:12 p.m.: Temperature is 100.6F. Whew!

Today the high will be near 100. Yesterday it was the mid-90s. Tomorrow is predicted to be near 100. Saturday the highs will be in the 90s.

Gas is also over $4.00 a gallon for regular unleaded now.

Bean seems to have caught another cold. She slept long naps yesterday, and today she is sneezing, congested, has a runny nose, and is taking a really long morning nap (for her). Not even the garbage truck has intruded on her rest.

We’re moving slowly, or not at all, around here.

There Are No Words

There are no words to convey what I feel tonight. We said good-bye to Bean’s great-grandma and grandma. Bean’s great-grandma will be 86 years old this year. She made a long trip from Houston to see her first great-grandchild. They depart early in the morning, and this moment feels bittersweet. It was a wonderful visit. One never knows what the future brings, and if it will bring another opportunity to visit. I am grateful for what life has given us.

hands

When I Say It’s Right Outside Her Window, I Mean It Literally

garbage truck

This truck, as well as the recycling truck, arrive at variable times every Thursday morning and are usually responsible for ruining Bean’s morning nap. This morning, by some fluke, she got a 90 minute nap in before the first truck arrived. She needs another nap but the other one hasn’t come through yet. It’s also impossible to avoid the smell of diesel exhaust even when her window is closed. Fortunately this only happens for about 10 minutes once a week.

We’ve made it a habit to watch the garbage truck since December, and now the garbage man always looks up and waves at us and smiles. She’s fascinated by it all, though cautious about the big noises. The roar of the motor that lifts the cans is louder, even, than the truck engine.

Bean’s got the sneezies and runny nose again, plus a little cough. And a sore bottom (four poops today and all before 10 a.m.); she cried at her last changing and I used Calmoseptine. And maybe another tooth coming in, because she’s a river of drool and chewing on everything.

First

Bean’s first tooth has completely broken through, though it has a way to go before it’s fully in. It’s fun to watch her tongue twist and run over it. She’s fascinated with this thing in her mouth.

This afternoon, Bean ate her first entire 4-ounce jar of peas & brown rice. I was impressed.

This afternoon she also managed to get her butt in the air (she was on her tummy) and almost get to her hands and knees. The problem is she hasn’t coordinated how to have both her head up and her butt up. Up goes the bottom, and then her forehead lowers to the floor. Bean is getting stronger each day. It’s perceptible, this solidness and agility.

This afternoon we all went out for a walk at Memorial Park in Cupertino. It’s pretty, with a man-made pond that’s well-landscaped and populated by ducks and geese. Then we took a drive through neighborhoods we’d like to someday live (we harbor a dim hope we could afford to buy a home someday). Lastly, we all went to Great Clips so I could get a trim. She was a hit with the hairdressers and customers. Bean is a curious, cheerful, and confident child. Being with her makes me happy.

Babies Everywhere

On February 8th, our friends in upstate New York celebrated the first birthday of their son.

On February 8th, our friends who are Bean’s Emergency Backup Parents (guardians), welcomed their niece into the world (in Florida).

On February 10th, another couple (long-time friends who live locally) welcomed their daughter. We met her tonight. She is lovely, all 6 pounds and 13 ounces of her. It’s hard to believe Bean was that small not very long ago! Bean has a new playmate, though it will be a few months before either can appreciate this.

On the subject of babies, and relating to the previous post about breaking addictions since becoming a parent, I’ve released another attachment: to having bookshelves filled to the brim with books. I have two six-foot bookcases — one in the office and one in the living room. The one in the living room I have culled of all but either books I’ve not yet read (about 2 dozen) or books that are reference or have enough illustration to be interesting to little eyes someday. Onto all the other now-empty shelves will go things like the little boom box we use (on an upper shelf), random stuff like pens and paper, bibs, a page-a-day calendar, etc. that will not be able to sit close to the floor when Bean begins reaching and grabbing. We’ll also store some of her toys and books on the lower shelves. All of the culled books (the notches on my belt, you see, of my conquests) will be boxed and stored. I never re-read books. Too many new ones to read! And you know what? I’ll probably forget what’s in the boxes as soon as they are out of sight. What’s important is that I read them at some point.

Fiscal Physical Fitness

I’m middle-aged. I’m overweight. My muscle tone is weaker than it was a decade or more ago. I have a baby. My left knee still hurts from pregnancy. Hmm. I’ve got a bit of a problem.

In 2006 I joined Fitness 19; paid $200 to join and a $12 monthly fee after that. I used the facility sporadically in 2006, even less in 2007. But the monthly fee was so low, it didn’t feel like a huge waste of money. Previously I’d been a member of Curves, which at $40 a month grew too high a price for the limited access (they close part of the day and early in the evening), the limited kind of workout, and the intrusive, over-friendly staff who insisted on “engaging” women during a workout when they might just want to, you know, work out.

Well, tonight I attempted to go to Fitness 19 to work out for the first time since my late pregnancy. It’s located in a strip mall with a puny parking lot, but usually by 7:00 p.m. the place would clear out. However, tonight there were no spaces. People were illegally parked in fire lanes. And there were new signs in certain spaces that said No Fitness 19 Parking. I groaned with frustration. What the hell to do? I turned around and went home. Ooo, I was grumpy.

I was mad. Mad at the parking lot size. Mad at the stupid parking restrictions. Mad that people hadn’t gone home sooner. Irrational, I know. Mostly I felt mad about the limitations on my time. The only opportunity I have to go out alone is after 7 p.m. weekdays and on weekends. However, to be functional, I usually try to go to sleep at 9:30 p.m. daily. This doesn’t leave much time for eating dinner, cleaning up, working out, showering, socializing, or “me” time.

One of the biggest changes for me in becoming a mother has been accepting the loss of “me” time. Mothering calls for much more of me than I imagined. I don’t begrudge this; it’s simply quite an adjustment.

I’m trying to figure out how to care for my physical well-being. Someone suggested the YMCA. Membership is $100 to join and $52 a month, with reduced fees for classes, and reasonable baby sitting services. But at $52 a month, I’d need to be sure I really went; it’s a lot more money, and we’re carefully managing our expenses. The other option is to go out for walks in the evenings in the neighborhood (knee permitting).

But now, since I’m supposed to be getting sleep, I’ll close here. Maybe I’ll wake up refreshed with a solution.