Category Archives: Technology

New Year, New Hopes

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I feel jazzed at the moment. Out of the blue, yesterday I received a lovely, gracious email from a blog reader — someone who has lurked around here for three years — and it made my day. I haven’t been feeling inspired much to write lately. Hearing from someone that she has appreciated this little world I’ve created nudges me to make an effort. So here is a post.

I recently cleared out the office, which has been the art room and the overflow room. It was cluttered and hardly usable. I’ve now reorganized all the art and craft supplies and labeled the drawers. I know where stuff is and can get to it. The vacuum cleaner fits in the closet. Now it’s ready for me to mess it up again!!

For Christmas I was given a gift card to a sewing store to sign up for lessons. I was given a sewing machine last June for my birthday, but it hasn’t been used yet! Now that the desk is clear, there is room to set it up and try a project. Soon.

We were recently referred to a new realtor by a friend. If you’ve read this blog awhile, you know we’ve been searching for a decent, affordable house to buy in the Bay Area since last January. Husband has been researching online for much longer. We were using a do-it-yourself discount realtor company, and we saw dozens and dozens of houses. We nearly made offers on three. But they didn’t work out, and I was discouraged. I’d lost hope and interest by mid-year.

So we met with this new realtor, and we like her. She has knowledge and expertise and connections with other realtors. Once she is certain about what we’re looking for, she’ll preview properties for us. She’s sending us listings we would not have considered before, because her sense of how soft prices might be means we might be able to buy a house that’s priced higher and negotiate down to our comfort level. She has even made a video of one house she viewed as a way of trying new technology this year. I’m enthused again.

Last year was a year of learning about friendship — how fluid they are. One close friendship from 2008, with a mom I saw almost daily and spoke with on the phone at least as often, ended. There was a misunderstanding, then repair, then a transition on her part to another friend. I felt abandoned and replaced, and it hurt me deeply. It left me reeling, actually, for several months. I realized during this process that I had concentrated my well-being in one relationship to the exclusion of other mother friendships. Since then, I’ve made more effort and thus more friends for me and Bean. I feel connected to a wider community. When I see this person at play group events and parties, we always chat and I enjoy it; but the part of me that broke and let go has changed. Paths diverge. It’s all right.

In November, I had hoped a long-time friend from Austin would arrange to visit with me so I could introduce her to Bean during our visit. (We’d met in 1999.) I’d been close to her when her son was born; I was designated an “auntie.” After I moved, we drifted some and had less contact. She got more passionately involved in other pursuits in 2007 and stopped following through on the small gestures and actions that nurture a friendship. I was a little hurt by this, especially because there was no response to my baby shower or Bean’s birth — and months after her birth, the friend sent a small package of hand-me-down stuff.

Well, the visit didn’t work out, and she was very blasé about it, and I wrote her about how I felt. She conceded she’d dropped the ball and mentioned wanting to connect again, and she pointed out that I had seemed distant as well. I was encouraged and looked forward to responding and trying to reconcile. However, I didn’t reply to her email quickly enough. It gave her time to reassess that she really didn’t feel it was worth it. She decided to “un-friend” me officially from her life: off of Facebook and Flickr, off my blog, everything. She removed my blog link from her blog. I imagine she has purged my contact information. I hate to think what she might have done to the artwork I’ve made and given to her in the past. It was thorough and unilateral, and it first it stunned me. But then, I decided to let it go. If that’s what she needed to do, it’s her loss. Considering the way things were, it isn’t much of one.

Lastly, someone who found my blog a couple years ago became a reader and felt inspired to start his own blog. He is a wonderful photographer and has interesting insights on the politics of our day. As my offline life got busier, I have stopped commenting on most blogs that I read. For some reason, this person felt it important to send me an email with a subject line of “Farewell” and to inform me that he was removing me from his list of blogs on his blog, because I don’t comment enough for it to feel like an exchange. He wasn’t going to read my blog anymore. He assured me that he knows I’m busy with a wonderful child, and this wasn’t meant as a slap to me. Yet somehow, it did feel like a slap. I didn’t dwell on it long, but I was reminded how tenuous our online connections can be.

So my hope for this year is that I manage to nurture the community I have offline, maintain connections with far-flung friends, and revive my online presence a bit. Somewhere in there I want to read books, make art, knit, learn to sew, buy a house, and do fun things with my family. Well, sleep is overrated, anyway.

Happy new year everyone!

The Joy of Discovery

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Today we took Bean to the Children’s Discovery Museum, and she had a grand time. She played with water, climbed ramps, painted, crawled, turned things over, looked in mirrors, climbed inside boxes, danced, painted her face, and generally filled her brain through all her senses. We bought a family membership, and we’ll be going frequently from now on, especially with rainy season coming.

Bean likes to play the beep-beep nose game (sometimes Mommy just needs to have her nose beeped). She’s getting more vocal about things she doesn’t want; “Mommy won’t make that noise!” She named her stuffed doggie animals (previously known as black doggy and brown doggy) “Pepper” and “Puff” respectively. Everything is mommy, daddy, and baby: buses, pieces of food, stuffed animal toys, cutlery. She needs everything to be in threes like that. She sings many songs, some of which she hasn’t heard in months (the persistence of memory!) and often is nearly on-key.

Bean is two weeks away from turning two, and it’s been an amazing journey so far. I’ll be posting more in the future about the fun projects we do and the resources and ideas I discover on the way.

at 23 months (in 4 days)

Do The Right Thing

It’s Earth Day. One of our kitchen fluorescent tube lights burned out and we have to dispose of it. After some Googling, I found this information for California:

A fluorescent light tube in your dumpster is a violation of the hazardous waste laws. Violation of these laws can result in large fines and criminal prosecution.

Fluorescent tubes contain mercury and become hazardous wastes when they no longer work. Mercury poses especially serious hazards to pregnant women and small children. Non-working tubes must be recycled by an authorized recycling firm and cannot be discarded in the trash.

Fluorescent tubes and bulbs may be managed as universal wastes under Title 22, Chapter 23 of the California Code of Regulations. This allows those who wish to discard their fluorescent tubes and lamps to do so more easily than if they were managed as hazardous wastes.

Although spent fluorescent lights can not go into the trash, there are several options for getting them to an environmentally safe and responsible recycler.

For residential disposal, you can do the following:

Find a partner in the Take-It-Back Program and drop it off (such as Orchard Supply Hardware).

Find the local Household Hazardous Waste Facility to take fluorescent tubes
and bulbs along with other universal wastes — search Earth911 or the Department of Toxic Substances Control.

This and more information for California is in this PDF.

Finally

Husband and I are about to watch the very last episode of Battlestar Galactica. I saw a headline that said it was immersion therapy for the post 9/11 world. It’s a dark series, but it has richly developed characters and is intensely interesting. I’m eager to know how they resolve all this. I’ve never been much of a sci-fi fan, but this series encompasses so much more than what people might think when they consider the genre.

Aftermath

The surgery was fine. I had no issue with anesthesia. Yay me!

Turned out that I had two tears in my medial meniscus. One of them had actually bent in on itself, so the cartilage was folded under. The surgeon also smoothed a little of the cartilage under my kneecap, though since it doesn’t grow back he didn’t want to do too much. Removal of cartilage such as the meniscus sets the stage for arthritis. Oh, I also have some arthritis in the area already from walking on this untreated for nearly two years. Ah well. On the upside, having the removal done instead of a repair means I’m off crutches within two weeks instead of on them for four.

Bean is fine. The babysitter arrived while she ate an early lunch, so she knew Mommy and Daddy were leaving. I managed to put her down for a nap at 11:30 a.m.; then we left. She slept two hours! When I got home she wasn’t clingy or upset. She’d had a grand time with A and enjoyed the new toys I’d left for her. She was curious about my crutches — indeed, she wants to walk off with them. She also wanted to crawl on top of me as I laid on the couch, but we told her I have a big ouchie boo-boo. She seems to understand this a bit.

Husband took good care of all of us. Two friends brought over a little care package of yummy bath goodies, a knitting magazine, and magazine cookbood for slow cookers and casseroles. The pictures are fun to look at. I can’t quite focus my eyes. The surgeon called to see how I’m doing, so my work here is done! I’ve been dozing on the couch in a haze of hydrocodone. I’m too tired to resist its serenade, so I’ll sign off here.

Oh, and happy anniversary, Husband. We’ve been married four years!

Fearless

Bean has a cold, but she’s not so sick that she isn’t restless. Today was better, so in the afternoon we went to a park to romp in the sunshine. She’s getting more coordinated each day, and climbs like a little monkey on all the play structures — even the ones designed for 7-12 year olds. It was around rush hour when Caltrain runs a lot of trains; we were near the station, and she was transfixed by the horn every time she heard it.

So we went to the station, where we saw four trains go by. One was a Union Pacific double-engine chugging slowly up and down the track for no apparent reason. One was a local train that stopped in Santa Clara; the other two were express trains that barreled through at 70 miles an hour. It is a sight and sound to behold! Tons and tons of steel roar past, creating a wind suction that would knock a child over. Bean was in her stroller and I put my arm around her; I was concerned this experience would frighten her.

Her response: “Big train! Big train! Toot!” This was followed by her usual monologue spoken in Beanish with an occasional word I recognize. She was intensely interested. I, on the other hand, find these roaring trains exciting and terrifying, in part because I am capable of imagining dreadful things (which I try to avoid).

I have my own train to face in a few days. I do not like undergoing general anesthesia. I have an irrational fear that I might not wake up. Again, I do my best not to feed it, but the anxiety hums underneath. I’m also not looking forward to being immobilized, to losing control of the way my house runs, to my daughter crying because I can’t get up to play with her, and to pain.

On the other hand, this is the first time in 18 months that I will have the opportunity to sleep as much as I want and rest. That is a comforting thought. Another comfort is that my playgroup has a program to help moms in need, and people volunteered to bring food during my confinement. We’ll get eight meals from generous mothers.

This And That

My surgery is set for Friday, March 13. No, I’m not superstitious. That is also my wedding anniversary! My SIL is coming the next day, so she will help and Husband will also be home. My MIL is on stand-by, so to speak. We won’t know until after the surgery if it will be a removal or a repair. If it’s a repair, I will be on crutches four weeks, and we will need my MIL. A removal of the cartilage is more common and much easier to heal from.

Bean is not going to like this. First off, her babysitter will be with her all day on March 13 and will put her down for a nap. The only people whom Bean falls asleep for is me and Husband, so it remains to be seen if she’ll nap. She also won’t understand why I am not moving, and if I don’t rise to her imperious commands (Get up! Get up!) and play, we’ll see a lot of tantrums. It’s going to be interesting.

What else is new? Let’s see… I’m feeling some dislocation and sadness because I managed to alienate a close friend and while we are still friends, it is clear that a level of intimacy is gone. This friend has instead moved closer to another mutual friend. I am trying to let things be, and to remain open, and to remember love. There are consequences to my actions. I brought this on myself, so to speak.

Given that my free time is limited, I’ve been giving thought to paring down some of my online activities that suck time out from under me. I’m unsubscribing from certain newsletters, and I’ve deleted my account from Facebook. There are too few moments in each day, and I have the email addresses and phone numbers of people I want to keep in touch with. Simplicity is key.

I finally finished a scarf for my sister Ellen. It’s pretty, and I’ll post a photo of it later. Now I need to think of something else to knit.

The Plan

I am so so tired, so this will be a brief post.

I saw the surgeon today. All my questions were answered adequately. I can schedule the surgery any time, but the longer I wait (or the more it hurts) to greater the damage, and if my knee suddenly locks I’ll need immediate surgery.

It’s a three-hour procedure under general anesthesia. I’ll be on crutches for anywhere from 4-14 days, and will need to be careful with bending and stress up to six weeks after surgery. He said that it will take six months after the surgery for full recovery. I’ll need to have physical therapy once or twice a week for about six weeks.

So, we now need to figure out when to schedule this. I obviously will need help, as I can’t get up and down stairs on crutches while holding Bean, and I can’t really shepherd her well while using them either. My sister-in-law is coming soon, Husband’s mother is willing to come help, and Husband can take time off. So we’ll figure out a plan.

Why Did I Wait?

When I was pregnant in 2007, I remember a day when I came back from a walk (or maybe a trip to the grocery store) when my left knee ached. (There were several trips to Safeway when my foot stepped in something on the floor and I slipped. The management has improved maintenance since then.) I chalked up the pain to pregnancy hormones and hoped it would go away.

It didn’t. Then I assumed it was just my “advanced” age — you know, the fact that a mid-40s body has aches and pains that a mid-20s body doesn’t. I also figured that a visit to the doctor would result in my concern being dismissed with a recommendation to just put some ice on it.

When my sister E visited in December, she urged me to look into it. I did, and I had an MRI this morning. The result: I have a complex tear of the medial meniscus. I was referred to a surgeon and have an appointment for February 23 in the afternoon to review the problem and the options.

So, it is validating to know that my pain is real. I feel chagrined that I didn’t pursue this sooner. I could have been pain free at least a year ago! I also feel a little daunted at the thought of being laid up with a toddler and having to navigate our 27 steps in the townhome. Maybe the surgery will be less invasive and intense than my imagination manufactures.

Hobbled

So I went to see an orthopedist and got some information on what’s going on with my leg. First of all, I have patellofemoral syndrome (also known as chondromalacia patella), and I was told to stop wearing a knee brace and given an exercise to strengthen the quadricep muscles. Apparently the cartilage under the knee cap is very thin, and the kneecap is grinding a bit. A stronger quad muscle will help it maneuver better, and a brace actually weakens that muscle and makes it all worse.

Secondly, the doctor is ordering an MRI to check for a medial meniscus tear. I am hoping my HMO will approve the test (otherwise it’s $2,000). Once the test is done, the doctor will review the results with me. If there is a tear, I’ll need surgery. If there isn’t a tear, then I guess we’ll discuss what else might be going on.

The irony of this is that yesterday was the first day my leg hurt hardly at all! The more exercise I do, the more it hurts, and I’ve stopped doing much in the past week. But it pains me today, so I’m glad I got going on finding treatment for it. The doctor recommended I do biking and swimming, and so I’m going to follow that route.

All Through The House

After reading three different versions of The Night Before Christmas about 20 times each today (which I did willingly and happily), sweet Bean is now asleep. She is too young to understand who Santa is or what Christmas is really about, but our little parrot spent the day repeating Santa and (with prompting) Merry Christmas. It comes out sounding more like Mewy Cwithmah. Quite charming!

She sampled two spoons of my clam chowder. A simple supper of French bread and clam chowder on Christmas Eve is a family tradition from my childhood which Husband has enjoyed adopting. As I write this, I’m listening to the radio, a classical music station with symphonic Christmas music. A small glass of eggnog is at my side. Husband is upstairs wrapping the rest of his presents to me. All of the others are wrapped.

I’ve also explored Norad Tracks Santa. It’s a lot of fun even for adults. Click on the small presents and a little box with a photo of the location pops up. There are places — little atolls and countries — that I never knew existed. There’s also video footage of Santa traveling and a narrative about what he’s doing. Oh! I must remember to leave out cookies and a glass of milk for Santa too.

Sweet dreams of sugar plums, everyone!

Why Not?

Creativity is at the core of my life. At least, this is how I’ve felt for several years. So I’m diving in and will participate in Leah’s 2009 challenge, Creative Every Day 2009.

Creative Every Day 2009

I’m not sure exactly what will come of it, but the goal is to gently inspire my creativity and to see it in my life in places I would not ordinarily consider. How about you?

Ten Things Tuesday

I’ve never participated in this meme before, but Gerry does so I thought I’d do a quick brain dump. Reader beware: the quality of what comes next might be less than intelligent. I should also mention that the meme focuses on 10 things one is thankful for; I wrote it more generally, though it could be said that everything on this list is something for which I’m grateful.

  1. Gas Prices: they are lower here. The cheapest I’ve seen is $4.11 per gallon. I was certain they’d keep climbing, so it’s a relief to see them drop a bit.
  2. Nature: I was out this evening searching fruitlessly for something and ended up at Target. When I emerged from my car I happened to look up and saw an enormous double rainbow! It was a complete arc; one of them was vivid and bright, and the other was muted and soft. I leaned against my car and stared for several minutes. I didn’t find what I wanted to buy but got something better for free!
  3. Oreos: I don’t often do it, but I bought a package of double-stuff Oreos tonight. As I drove home I passed a drugstore and the thought occurred to me: They sell Oreos too, and they are the exact same quality as what I bought elsewhere. Just think about this. You can find the same comforting, fattening, sugar-laden cookie at any retail outlet that sells food, and you can be sure it will be the same all over the U.S. Perhaps individuality is sacrificed, but there is something to be said for consistency. Am I weird, or what?
  4. Music: on this gorgeous 70-degree day I drove home from Bean’s music class and hit the classic rock station. I happened to tune in just as Peter Frampton’s classic “Do You Feel Like We Do?” was on. OMG, I was transported back into the 1970s to when I was about 13. I had a huge crush on Frampton. That song was seven minutes long, and I was in a reverie. I didn’t know until I searched on Google, but that song was recorded live at SUNY Plattsburgh in 1975. (This is relevant to me because I attended a SUNY college, grew up in New York State, and my father is from Plattsburgh.)
  5. More Music: Bean’s got rhythm! At class she loves to stand and rock back and forth to the music. She does this holding on to my hands, and we dance together.
  6. Reading: I’m currently reading a novel that barely holds my attention. It’s supposedly set in the 1780s, but I’m finding the style affected and over-wrought, and I’m skimming much of the book now. Why don’t I quit? Because I want to find out what happens to the heroine, though all along I’ve been able to predict this. Please recommend some good novels to me.
  7. Reading Again: (Is this cheating, using the same topic over?) Bean and I finished the summer reading program at our local library. Bean’s book reward was How Do Dinosaurs Learn Their Colors?, and the family-oriented book I chose was I Love Dirt!: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature. It seems like a good companion to the book Last Child In the Woods, which I started a few months ago. The activity book is slim and the ideas are simple and obvious, but it was free and is bound to provide a jumping off point for exploration in the future.
  8. Intuition: late this afternoon, Bean sneezed frequently. By the end of the day, she was more tired than usual and clingy and verged on cranky, despite the fact she got the usual solid sleep she gets. Perhaps a cold is coming? I feel it might be. We’ll see if my mother’s intuition is correctly tuned.
  9. Social Networks: I recently joined Facebook because a friend is on it, and that’s where she puts up photos of her child. I’m not sure that being on yet another network is of much, if any, use. But I’m there, and if you’re a member too, find me and be my friend.
  10. Sleep: the magic number of hours for me to feel actually rested and vital is… eleven. Yes, 11 hours of sleep daily seems to be what I need. It isn’t what I always get, in part because I spend about 12 hours a day mothering Bean and would be totally depressed if all I ever did outside of that is sleep. However, speaking of sleep, I should go get some.

Going Nowhere

broken lift spring

Yesterday, the garage spring broke, leaving us stuck in our home because we couldn’t get it open. The property manager couldn’t get a repairman out until (we hope) this morning. We didn’t even have access to the stroller, which is in back of the CRV. No clearance to get to it.

With a busy girl who wants to do lots of things, I felt a little bit of cabin fever yesterday! Husband was also working from home all day, and a friend came over with her daughter for awhile.

Update 10:45 a.m.: Fixed!

The Throne

The next step up from “the bucket” we had her in. This is another sign of change, of Bean growing up.

new throne

We call it a throne because she sits so high up, so now she can see the world roll by, and because it cost a pretty penny (although we think she’ll be able to use this until age five or six or 65 lbs.)

Two Things That Bring Me Joy

After a couple of months doing the “all done” sign with Bean, she recently started making the sign when I initiated — for example, after a meal, when I’d ask “All done?” and make the sign, she’d confirm it. But yesterday, she initiated the sign! When she was full, she raised her small hands and made the sign her way, smiling at me. She also made the sign when she was in the exer-saucer and wanted to get out. Wow. I can see her brain growing.

The other thing that brings me joy is the fact that it is possible to travel 3,000 miles across country within half a day. Think of this astonishing fact. It’s almost like time travel. My sister arrives in about 2.5 hours; her journey started in central New York this morning. We’re so excited about her visit!