How realistic is the expectation that an almost-2 child should self-amuse often and long? I know some mothers whose children of the same age will play for 30-60 minutes by themselves. I sometimes worry that I “play too much” with Claire. I do try to take little breaks to do chores, read, or blog, but often after 10-20 minutes she runs up saying, “Mommy come, Mommy come.” And she is in a repetitive stage, so she will utter that phrase until I relent; unfortunately this teaches and reinforces the behavior, and she learns that it takes “X repetitions” to get Mommy. Usually I try to stretch her a bit if I’m busy: “I’m cooking sweetie, I’ll be with you in a few minutes.” Sometimes I set a timer and tell her when it dings I’ll come play with her. When I do play, we’ll do it about 10-20 minutes at a time. Then I try to get up and do some more stuff. But here’s the point: I’m a stay-at-home mom for a reason, and that reason is to care for Claire. Part of caring is setting up different activities and participating in some of them. One of her biggest pleasures is reading books; lately it’s all the Richard Scarry books. Sometimes I feel like “disappearing” a few of them for a few days, because I am bored witless with them and almost at the end of my patience.
Another thing that I wonder about is her tantrums. Often when she is mad about not getting her way, she cries “I need a hug!” Or when she wants to be sure to get my attention she begs for a hug and cries. Or she announces, “I’m crying,” or “I’m sad (or mad),” or “I’m so sorry, Mommy!” The questions are: should I withhold a hug until she is calm and done having the tantrum? Or should I hold her if that helps to calm her down? Should I give her a hug when she is using it as a means to get my attention and pull me away from my own task?
Well, I’ve had my ten minutes, and now I’m being tugged and whined at for another thing. For now I’ll comfort myself with this excerpt from a blog and favorite book:
Lila has been driving me to the brink lately with the Being Two: the whining, the screaming, the abandoning of the diapers in random sodden heaps around the house, the eating nothing-but-blueberries-and-mini-marsmallows, the “Meeee dooooo!” the “No Mama sing!”
But last night I read this, on page 83 of Karen Maezen Miller’s excellent book, Momma Zen:
“Yes, it’s said that “two” is terrible, but can you consider the course load for a minute? Self-feeding and table skills, language, emotional management, toilet training, and social etiquitte for starters.
And all occuring amid the frightening undertow towards separation and independence. Throw in weaning, the big bed, and assorted other traumatic transitions such as a new sibling, babysitter or preschool, whenever they enter the picture. These kids are working in a coal mine!
Consider all of this as a way to conjure up more empathy on an ordinary day.”
Ahhh. Suddenly I feel better. Thanks Karen.
This book is an old Moms Are Talking About favorite, categorized under the intriguing label Parenting/Buddhism.
If you ask me, that’s a literary subgenre that really ought to have its own bookstore. Or planet. With free green tea and massages.
