Category Archives: Community

Something About the Wind

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Something about the wind makes me feel alive…the seagulls and the sky…whether its sunny and bright or cloudy and grey or nighttime and I’m surrounded by vast darkness…I just feel…FULL. Full of love and energy….almost as though I’m porous and the wind soars through tiny holes in my body and I’m part of it all…the earth and the people and the relation of everything with everything…as though I don’t matter…but its not scary…its wonderful….i feel so free.
It’s the only time I’m not afraid to die. Cuz I can feel the wind and I know that I’ll always be a part of life…and the love and energy that are contained in my skin will be let loose into the wind and the world will just know how much I care and love and I will live forever.

–Eva Dien Brine Markvoort, 2006-2010

Eva was a lovely woman, full of spirit and beauty and fire, who battled Cystic Fibrosis and MRSA. She underwent a double lung transplant in 2007, but eventually her body rejected it. She went on the waiting list for another transplant. She fought to stay with this world until she could not. In February, she recorded this loving message to the world. She lived another six weeks, and died at age 25 on March 27, 2010. I’ve spent this morning reading the archives of her blog, looking at her photos, and marveling at how much life and love this young woman packed into her stay on earth. I wish I could have met her. I hope I can heed her words.

Click this link to see the movie, or watch it below. It might make you cry, but it’s important to listen. (And turn up the volume; her condition made her speak softly and slowly.)

Women Hold Up Half the Sky

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Last night I saw a movie based on a book called Half the Sky, written by Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Their work through this book and Nicholas’s New York Times column is an effort to galvanize the world to pay attention to women’s rights all over the world. I could get on my soapbox and provide statistics about poverty, sexual abuse, maternal death, but I think sharing my reflections about one story might be more compelling. Before I do, though, I will share one statistic with you: globally, at least one in three women are beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. Since I myself am among the group of “one in three” (although I don’t discuss it often here), I want to focus on how one woman has catalyzed major change in her culture.

I want to talk about Woineshet, a young woman who was featured in short film directed by Marisa Tomei. She transformed her experience of being brutally raped into a forum for changing her culture for the betterment of women and therefore, also of men. In Ethiopian villages a common practice — which has been upheld by the law — is that of men raping women and girls, who are then usually forced into marriage with their attackers. As a result of making the offer of marriage later, men cannot be prosecuted for their attacks. In one village, about 70 percent of the marriages found their genesis in this practice.

Woineshet was 13 when she was raped. She journeyed two days for a physical exam in order to provide proof for authorities, only to be told that her virginity was in doubt because the wound looked old. Her attacker was arrested and released on bail; then he abducted Woineshet again and held her for a month, forcing her to sign a marriage certificate before she escaped. Before a judge — who suggested that she was fortunate that her attacker wanted to marry her even though she was no longer a “fresh virgin” — she replied to the question of whether she would marry her rapist with the simple answer: “I refuse.”

She has since, with the steadfast help of her father, gone on to complete her basic education and is pursuing a law degree. She has pursued her case through the legal system in order to win the right for women to prosecute their attackers. What is more heartening, however, is her work to educate people to effect change in the culture which supports this practice.

There is a scene in the film where Woineshet has visited a village, and the men and women gathered to hear her story. A young woman who was forced into marriage after her rape spoke about how she felt. She was unhappy; she wanted to have an education; she wanted to be someone; she was angry. Then the man who attacked her — her husband — spoke from his perspective, of how his actions made him feel like a successful man. It is tempting to feel outrage toward him, but instead I felt something else: hope. I listened to this man talk about how he felt at the time, and how he has come to understand how devastating his actions have been. And he offered to apologize to the woman he’d hurt, and kissed her feet. I realize those actions don’t “make it all better,” but that’s not the point. This enlightenment must occur for change and healing to occur. He cannot undo his actions, but he can atone. Person by person, culture changes. Woineshet is an example of resilience and perseverance at the young age of 21; imagine how she might improve the world throughout her lifetime.

Join the movement: Half the Sky. Women aren’t the problem; they’re the solution, along with men.

A Future We Can Change

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Life is competitive around here. It is everywhere, but I feel it especially here — in the play group, among other parents in general, especially when the topic of education comes up. Last year, four Gunn High School students in Palo Alto committed suicide by stepping in front of trains; already one child committed suicide the same way this year. Granted, Palo Alto manifests “the best of the best” — affluent, highly educated, highly successful Silicon Valley players who want their children to succeed and exceed the norm. Not all school districts are as packed with scrambling over-achievers.

We want a good school for Claire, but more than that, we want a good learning experience for her, and a good life. I want to see this movie when it comes out. And I want to be part of the solution.

If you can’t see the movie trailer, click this link.

Technology Ain’t All That

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Since Facebook has decided yet again to reorganize its home page, I find myself disenchanted with it. This latest incarnation provides inconsistent updates and leaves me feeling disconnected from all the folks I call friends. I’ve come to realize that I rely too much on that social network for my feeling of connection with friends.

Facebook, when it works, does allow me to see snippets of friends’ days, and to see the articles and other links they share that are interesting. (I’m on Twitter too, but I dislike the format and hardly use it except to gather or share information. Facebook’s ability to comment on an individual post makes it more relevant.)

However, now that I feel I’m missing updates, and I know others are not seeing mine consistently, I’m left with two questions:

How much to do I really need to be on the Internet, anyway?

Whatever happened to blogging as a means of connection?

Facebook is centralized; whereas I’m not going to be able to get my friends to come read my blog, I can let them see updates at FB.

But I could also email friends directly, blog, call. When they aren’t working correctly, I realize how much of a time suck all these networks are.

Last Day To Bid

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Today is the last day for the To Haiti With Love auction. While I’m pleased that my items have had some bids, I’d like to point out some other products for auction in case hand-knits aren’t your wish.

There is a wide array of books — inspirational books, children’s books, poetry — offered.

Are you looking for a grown-up indulgence, such as a ski weekend in Telluride, handcrafted soaps, a creativity coaching session? Look here.

How about some artwork to hang on the wall in a beloved toddler or baby’s room, or a handmade wood toy, or lovingly crafted clothing? You can find some here.

There is a wide selection of gorgeous fine art photography to bid on.

Perhaps you’re looking for a new journal to write in.

These are just a few items available. Check out the site! All proceeds go to assist St. Joseph’s Family of Homes.

Bidding is easy! Just leave a bid in the comment section for the item you want. More details are here.

Toe-Tapping Music

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On this rainy Saturday, with a feverish, coughing child, I stumbled across this peppy little video. For more of Kristin Andreassen’s music, lookie here! I learned about Kristen from a blog that’s new to me — One Person. Everyday — which, of course, I found via Patti Digh, of the blog called 37 Days.

If the embedded video doesn’t work, click here to see it.

To Haiti With Love

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To Haiti with Love is an online auction of art, photography, papercrafts, clothing, and creative goods. All proceeds will go direct to the St. Joseph’s Family of homes for children in Haiti. There are some gorgeous works and delectable items offered.

The auction opens at 8 AM EST on Monday, February 1, 2010.

The auction closes at midnight EST on Monday, February 8, 2010. There is still time!

Instructions on how to bid are here.

I’ve offered three items for bidding — a felted bowl with chocolates, a cashmere/wool scarflet called a Fidget, and fingerless gloves made of wool and silk.

Make a bid, change lives!

(And I’d love to see someone enjoy my creations!)

New Year, New Hopes

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I feel jazzed at the moment. Out of the blue, yesterday I received a lovely, gracious email from a blog reader — someone who has lurked around here for three years — and it made my day. I haven’t been feeling inspired much to write lately. Hearing from someone that she has appreciated this little world I’ve created nudges me to make an effort. So here is a post.

I recently cleared out the office, which has been the art room and the overflow room. It was cluttered and hardly usable. I’ve now reorganized all the art and craft supplies and labeled the drawers. I know where stuff is and can get to it. The vacuum cleaner fits in the closet. Now it’s ready for me to mess it up again!!

For Christmas I was given a gift card to a sewing store to sign up for lessons. I was given a sewing machine last June for my birthday, but it hasn’t been used yet! Now that the desk is clear, there is room to set it up and try a project. Soon.

We were recently referred to a new realtor by a friend. If you’ve read this blog awhile, you know we’ve been searching for a decent, affordable house to buy in the Bay Area since last January. Husband has been researching online for much longer. We were using a do-it-yourself discount realtor company, and we saw dozens and dozens of houses. We nearly made offers on three. But they didn’t work out, and I was discouraged. I’d lost hope and interest by mid-year.

So we met with this new realtor, and we like her. She has knowledge and expertise and connections with other realtors. Once she is certain about what we’re looking for, she’ll preview properties for us. She’s sending us listings we would not have considered before, because her sense of how soft prices might be means we might be able to buy a house that’s priced higher and negotiate down to our comfort level. She has even made a video of one house she viewed as a way of trying new technology this year. I’m enthused again.

Last year was a year of learning about friendship — how fluid they are. One close friendship from 2008, with a mom I saw almost daily and spoke with on the phone at least as often, ended. There was a misunderstanding, then repair, then a transition on her part to another friend. I felt abandoned and replaced, and it hurt me deeply. It left me reeling, actually, for several months. I realized during this process that I had concentrated my well-being in one relationship to the exclusion of other mother friendships. Since then, I’ve made more effort and thus more friends for me and Claire. I feel connected to a wider community. When I see this person at play group events and parties, we always chat and I enjoy it; but the part of me that broke and let go has changed. Paths diverge. It’s all right.

In November, I had hoped a long-time friend from Austin would arrange to visit with me so I could introduce her to Claire during our visit. (We’d met in 1999.) I’d been close to her when her son was born; I was designated an “auntie.” After I moved, we drifted some and had less contact. She got more passionately involved in other pursuits in 2007 and stopped following through on the small gestures and actions that nurture a friendship. I was a little hurt by this, especially because there was no response to my baby shower or Claire’s birth — and months after her birth, the friend sent a small package of hand-me-down stuff.

Well, the visit didn’t work out, and she was very blasé about it, and I wrote her about how I felt. She conceded she’d dropped the ball and mentioned wanting to connect again, and she pointed out that I had seemed distant as well. I was encouraged and looked forward to responding and trying to reconcile. However, I didn’t reply to her email quickly enough. It gave her time to reassess that she really didn’t feel it was worth it. She decided to “un-friend” me officially from her life: off of Facebook and Flickr, off my blog, everything. She removed my blog link from her blog. I imagine she has purged my contact information. I hate to think what she might have done to the artwork I’ve made and given to her in the past. It was thorough and unilateral, and it first it stunned me. But then, I decided to let it go. If that’s what she needed to do, it’s her loss. Considering the way things were, it isn’t much of one.

Lastly, someone who found my blog a couple years ago became a reader and felt inspired to start his own blog. He is a wonderful photographer and has interesting insights on the politics of our day. As my offline life got busier, I have stopped commenting on most blogs that I read. For some reason, this person felt it important to send me an email with a subject line of “Farewell” and to inform me that he was removing me from his list of blogs on his blog, because I don’t comment enough for it to feel like an exchange. He wasn’t going to read my blog anymore. He assured me that he knows I’m busy with a wonderful child, and this wasn’t meant as a slap to me. Yet somehow, it did feel like a slap. I didn’t dwell on it long, but I was reminded how tenuous our online connections can be.

So my hope for this year is that I manage to nurture the community I have offline, maintain connections with far-flung friends, and revive my online presence a bit. Somewhere in there I want to read books, make art, knit, learn to sew, buy a house, and do fun things with my family. Well, sleep is overrated, anyway.

Happy new year everyone!

Doing Good

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Claire has a little bank — a squirrel — that we put coins into. Any time we find a coin on the sidewalk, or whenever a relative sends a dollar bill in a card, the money goes into the bank. The other day, I told her there are people who don’t have any food to eat, and asked her if she would like to help them. She said yes. I told her to choose a number between 1 and 5, and she chose 4. So we took $4 in quarters out of the bank.

Then at the grocery store, I took her to the aisle that had beans and rice. She chose two cans of beans and one bag of rice. We paid for it at the register. It came to $3.99, and she handed the quarters to the cashier. Then she carried the bag (actually, dragged it across the floor) to the food collection barrel installed by Second Harvest Food Bank. Claire shops often with me and understands you have to give money to take the food or other items home. I’m not sure she entirely understood why we left food in a barrel, because the concept of helping out faceless people is really abstract. But it’s the action that matters. It is the practice of acting with compassion that will, over many repetitions, become part of her world view.

Last night I volunteered wrapping presents at The Family Giving Tree, an organization that undertakes a massive annual effort to collect toys and clothing for people in need. When I saw the items, I just about cried. They are wonderful and brand new. Each child listed a first and second gift wish, and some of these were so small: a bottle of perfume, some colored pencils, a basketball. Others of them were a bit more elaborate: a boombox, MP3 player, or Fisher Price Little People toy. But each child was getting one gift, a toothbrush, and if the toy required it, batteries. I almost cried because my daughter, the only child, only grandchild, only niece in both sides of the family, is going to receive so much for the holiday. We are very fortunate.

I did go to their site later and sponsored two children. I think next year I will get more involved in The Family Giving Tree project somehow. I’m glad that many children will get a gift this holiday; what pains me is that the circumstances of their lives are likely difficult. It’s not just a holiday gift they need. They also need food, shelter, safety, stability, security, clothing, and learning opportunities.