Category Archives: Community

It Was Fun

Bean’s still a little young to understand Halloween, hence the lack of a fancy costume this year. Among the many animals she likes is the owl, so she was happy to wear this outfit. We went to Westgate Mall where the majority of stores participated in trick-or-treating. The place was hopping! Next year we may go out into the neighborhood, but since it’s raining here today, this seemed like the best plan. She doesn’t have much interest in sweets generally, though we did give her little bits of gummy bear, and she ate them. Her favorite prize was the large brown leaf she found on the floor, which she clutched in her right hand as we made our rounds.

halloween 08

I Have Been Remiss

This has been a busy week, in part because we welcomed a new little person into the world. Our friends, M&K, gave birth to a beautiful daughter on Tuesday, October 28. (M&K are Bean’s godparents/emergency backup parents.) Because I don’t know how public they want this information to be, I withhold particulars at this time. But she is healthy and beautiful, and in about a year she and Bean will be active playmates.

And to all: Happy Halloween!

massive carved pumpkin

Massive pumpkin at Uesugi Farms

Random Stuff

We have not had a working oven since Thursday night. The lock mechanism (operated by computer) got stuck shut. We’ve used the lock since Bean began crawling to keep her from climbing in or pulling the oven down on top of herself. Two people had to come out Friday (the first one wasn’t fluent in English and his manager came out after him to work on it); a part needs to be ordered. We do have a stove that works, however. It’s a new stove, installed March 2007. Bummer. We rent, though, so we won’t pay for the repair.

Bean came down with a little cold on Sunday. Today was the worst of it, I think. Another tooth has also been emerging, so she’s been a wet, snotty, drooly mess, poor kid. We’ve been staying mostly home which gives us cabin fever.

Tomorrow she and I will go get our flu shots. Whee!

My energy has ebbed in accord with hormonal fluctuations. There must be something about the body’s preparation for conception that draws all the energy inward. Once my period starts all the energy comes rushing back. I expect to be perkier by the end of next week (and I dearly hope sooner). The earlier sunsets don’t help with this low energy.

Tomorrow a young woman will come to assist me for a couple hours and get to know Bean and our routine. She will be a regular babysitter, probably every Wednesday for a couple of hours, plus an occasional evening for Husband and me. The fee is extremely reasonable at $10 an hour. It still seems like an extravagance for me, but I remind myself that I rarely indulge in manicures, lattes, clothes, etc. And we pay about the same amount of money every month for cable television which I rarely watch, so I guess $20 a week for sanity is affordable. It’s cheaper than therapy, even if I were to hire her twice a week!

Across Generations

My father is a private man. I am not like him in this regard, but we share the traits of introspection, intensity, and curiosity. He is a man of his generation, which meant our relationship sometimes felt distant to me when I was younger; he was focused on providing for his family’s needs, and expressing tender emotion was not a language he knew well. His love comes out as worry and preparation against difficulty. As I grew up, he was serious and strict, and I was stubbornly resistant in subtle, and later blatant, ways. But a grandfather’s relationship with his grandchild is different by orders of magnitude. I wondered how my father would interact with Bean. What I witnessed was the unfolding of his delight and tenderness, of patience and amusement and amazement. I’m sure I was once the recipient of similar expressions, but I was too little to register them, and so it was a reward for me to observe them together. Bean brought him book after book to read, and she enjoyed playing the What’s In Grandpa’s Shirt Pocket? game. This photo of them is a gem.

grandpa and Bean

I’m One Of The Lucky Ones

three generations 1

Unfortunately the camera didn’t focus properly when Husband took this photo. The composition is perfect, the poses and smiles capture a moment of happy synchronicity. Just pretend the fuzziness is a result of viewing the photo with tear-blurred eyes (tears of joy, of course).

My mother was only 20 years old when her mother died at age 56 of breast cancer. My mother was married and living in Texas (my father was in training in the Army there); she did not get to spend time with her mother in that last year of her life.

Mom went on to have four children with the nearest immediate family living 150 miles away, in an age when using the telephone long distance was expensive. There was no such thing as email. Money was not overly plentiful, so trips to see family were not frequent events. Somehow she had the emotional fortitude to make a life for us: nightly dinners, handmade clothing, decorating for holidays, nursing our illnesses, washing, cleaning, marketing on a budget, introducing us to books and libraries, songs, and so much more. She always imagined she would become a grandmother. After 44 years it happened, and because of some health challenges, it was 45 years before she got to be with her beautiful, lively granddaughter. But at last it happened.

Taking care of a busy little child meant that our conversations were broken and scattered. We did not have any private mother-daughter time. However, the last day of the visit she pulled me against her as we sat on the sofa, and I sank into her gentle body. We all talked as I leaned against her, and she patted my arm as only a mother can. I couldn’t keep the tears back, but I tried to be quiet and discreet as I wiped my eyes.

As I drove to the airport, we held hands. And we hugged and kissed at the terminal.

She has the softest skin, my mother.

The Arrival

The much-anticipated visit is happening! My parents arrived late last night from the east coast to meet Bean. Right now they are still sleeping to recover from a very long trip, but very shortly there will be the first encounter. I plan to take lots of pictures and videos this next week.

Our Weekend

Saturday we went to a friend’s first birthday party. There, Bean discovered that she does like cake and frosting. She just wasn’t interested two weeks ago, on her birthday.

frosting face

And today we went to the Oakland Zoo. She was thrilled to see giraffes, elephants (her favorite animal as far as we can tell), snakes (a close second), zebras, birds, lions, tigers, monkeys, and otters, among other animals.

fascination up close

I didn’t take a lot of photos because I wanted to actually experience the outing and see the animals, but I did love the vivid colors of this Blue-and-Gold Macaw.

maccaw

We are tuckered out and going to bed!

Busy Busy

Busy watching backhoes dig holes and scoop dirt into dump trucks. Busy going to parks to swing and playing our sandbox on the patio. Busy reading dozens and dozens of books over and over again. Busy cuddling someone who is teething. Busy cooking. Busy buying groceries. Busy cutting up fruit into child bite-size pieces every day. Busy singing songs, dancing, and playing instruments. Busy trying to finish reading a novel for my own pleasure. Busy writing thank-you notes. Busy doing laundry, folding clothes, putting them away, only to get them out again. Busy changing diapers, outfits (sometimes more than twice a day), and helping with baths. Busy cleaning the cat box and dumping the Diaper Genie, and feeding the cat. Oh, and petting her. Busy pointing out birds, trees, cats, and dogs. Busy taking walks. Busy thinking about the menu for upcoming visitors. Busy watching the garbage truck and waving at the garbage man. Busy following the news of folks in Houston, because we have family and friends who are coping with Hurricane Ike’s destruction. Busy glancing at news headlines about politics and the financial crisis in an attempt to keep one fingertip connected to the world outside my own home.

And very, very tired.

Bean starting say “ow” when she sees a picture of an owl. She sometimes makes a Grrr sound when she sees a picture of a lion (a male lion — the big mane helps). All felines — domestic or wild — are ca. So are dogs and many other animals. And cows, trucks, cars, and ducks. One of her books — How a Baby Grows — she calls Coo, because the first sentence is “These are the things that babies do: cry, wet, sleep, coo.” One of her favorite sounds to make lately is “dub dub dub.” It’s really cute.

My parents arrive in two weeks. Then in December, my other older sister, Aunt EP, is coming to meet Bean and bond with us. November is free. Anyone want to stop by?

Lean and Tall

Today was Bean’s 12-month doctor visit. At her 9-month visit she weighed 16 pounds, 5 ounces and was 27 inches tall. Today she weighs 17 pounds, 10 ounces, and is 29.5 inches tall. My little bean sprout. Everything else is normal. The poor child received four vaccinations today (two in each arm). She has the remnants of her cold and I think her gums hurt. Considering all this, she’s been in a cheerful mood today.

I do remember what this day is. My body remembers; I’ve been tense, agitated, irritated, tired, and I suddenly realized at mid-day why this is the case. But I’m going to focus on the good in the day as a way of honoring what was lost in 2001.

Ten Things Tuesday

I’ve never participated in this meme before, but Gerry does so I thought I’d do a quick brain dump. Reader beware: the quality of what comes next might be less than intelligent. I should also mention that the meme focuses on 10 things one is thankful for; I wrote it more generally, though it could be said that everything on this list is something for which I’m grateful.

  1. Gas Prices: they are lower here. The cheapest I’ve seen is $4.11 per gallon. I was certain they’d keep climbing, so it’s a relief to see them drop a bit.
  2. Nature: I was out this evening searching fruitlessly for something and ended up at Target. When I emerged from my car I happened to look up and saw an enormous double rainbow! It was a complete arc; one of them was vivid and bright, and the other was muted and soft. I leaned against my car and stared for several minutes. I didn’t find what I wanted to buy but got something better for free!
  3. Oreos: I don’t often do it, but I bought a package of double-stuff Oreos tonight. As I drove home I passed a drugstore and the thought occurred to me: They sell Oreos too, and they are the exact same quality as what I bought elsewhere. Just think about this. You can find the same comforting, fattening, sugar-laden cookie at any retail outlet that sells food, and you can be sure it will be the same all over the U.S. Perhaps individuality is sacrificed, but there is something to be said for consistency. Am I weird, or what?
  4. Music: on this gorgeous 70-degree day I drove home from Bean’s music class and hit the classic rock station. I happened to tune in just as Peter Frampton’s classic “Do You Feel Like We Do?” was on. OMG, I was transported back into the 1970s to when I was about 13. I had a huge crush on Frampton. That song was seven minutes long, and I was in a reverie. I didn’t know until I searched on Google, but that song was recorded live at SUNY Plattsburgh in 1975. (This is relevant to me because I attended a SUNY college, grew up in New York State, and my father is from Plattsburgh.)
  5. More Music: Bean’s got rhythm! At class she loves to stand and rock back and forth to the music. She does this holding on to my hands, and we dance together.
  6. Reading: I’m currently reading a novel that barely holds my attention. It’s supposedly set in the 1780s, but I’m finding the style affected and over-wrought, and I’m skimming much of the book now. Why don’t I quit? Because I want to find out what happens to the heroine, though all along I’ve been able to predict this. Please recommend some good novels to me.
  7. Reading Again: (Is this cheating, using the same topic over?) Bean and I finished the summer reading program at our local library. Bean’s book reward was How Do Dinosaurs Learn Their Colors?, and the family-oriented book I chose was I Love Dirt!: 52 Activities to Help You and Your Kids Discover the Wonders of Nature. It seems like a good companion to the book Last Child In the Woods, which I started a few months ago. The activity book is slim and the ideas are simple and obvious, but it was free and is bound to provide a jumping off point for exploration in the future.
  8. Intuition: late this afternoon, Bean sneezed frequently. By the end of the day, she was more tired than usual and clingy and verged on cranky, despite the fact she got the usual solid sleep she gets. Perhaps a cold is coming? I feel it might be. We’ll see if my mother’s intuition is correctly tuned.
  9. Social Networks: I recently joined Facebook because a friend is on it, and that’s where she puts up photos of her child. I’m not sure that being on yet another network is of much, if any, use. But I’m there, and if you’re a member too, find me and be my friend.
  10. Sleep: the magic number of hours for me to feel actually rested and vital is… eleven. Yes, 11 hours of sleep daily seems to be what I need. It isn’t what I always get, in part because I spend about 12 hours a day mothering Bean and would be totally depressed if all I ever did outside of that is sleep. However, speaking of sleep, I should go get some.

The Problem With Blogging

Well first, it takes time and energy, which are increasingly scarce for me.

Second, and more importantly to me, it creates an often one-sided relationship with people. It puts people in a spectator role and removes incentive to connect directly with me, because they already know what’s up in my life.

That doesn’t provide the most fulfilling relationships for me.

I’m so exhausted that I have few words and less energy. I go to bed at 8:00 p.m., am unconscious immediately, then arise at 5:30 a.m. (or whenever Bean wakes), and feel exhausted all day. I think that the energy required to be a mother — the vigilance, the constant availability — just calls for more energy than a good night’s sleep can provide.

I have less to say, and less desire to share in the blog what little I do have to say. I may be evolving out of blogging. Or at least headed toward a hiatus.

This Is What We Do At The Park

In addition to riding the swing, pulling up grass, scrunching sand between our fingers, and generally trying to put all interesting items in the mouth:

chasing pigeons

And happy, happy news! Uncle TP is coming for a visit to meet my Little Bean in August! It’s funny, because he came out in August last year for a visit when I was huge and so ready to give birth and be done with pregnancy. A year? Already?! (I say that a lot on this blog, don’t I?)

Nasty Drivers and Spoiled Fish

For reasons I don’t want to go into (mostly because they’re boring), the past couple days have been rough for me. I am raw and short on energy and patience. At a stoplight, I had my right turn blinker on. It’s an option to turn right on red (unless there’s sign prohibiting it). I was about to turn when the driver behind me honked. So I didn’t. That’s the kind of mood I’m in — something mean within digs in its heels. She honked again, and I saw her gesticulating in the mirror. I waited until the light turned green and went, and waved at her as she roared past me all the distance of one block to turn left; she flipped me the middle finger through her sun roof. I know it’s not mature or honorable behavior. I don’t like it in myself. This all happened within a mile of my home as I returned home from a nice outing at the park with a friend. I know, I should have walked instead — except here there’s a risk we’d be run over by the same driver. Such is life in an overpopulated area. Grrrrr.

I got home to cook the salmon I bought yesterday to find it had turned bad. It smelled fishy, which is a sign of very old fish. The whole fridge smells funky now.

Bean is starting to arch her back and thrash and scream when something happens she doesn’t want, or when something she wants doesn’t happen. Toddlerhood tantrums already?

I got NO time to myself this past weekend (except for one nap, but I’d like some awake alone time), since we had family errands and housecleaning and some social commitments. I also have very little say over my schedule as far as when things happen (nothing is much in my control), even on weekends.

Something I started to knit I had to frog (“rip it” out) because I made a mistake and couldn’t figure out how to fix it.

What’s so very bothersome to me is the way incidents such as those in the first paragraph stay with me, and how a sour hatred toward humanity rises up in my throat when I’m feeling this raw.

Cranky, cranky, cranky. Will someone show me some love in the comments? If you need incentive, here’s one:

loves the fan

Zigzag

In an attempt to break out of my safe little rut, I tried a new pattern. It’s not as though the stitch is difficult; it involves binding off and picking up stitches, but I’d never tried changing directions before. This is an accent scarf, and it’s intended to be worn to jazz up an outfit. It’s not designed for warmth (and considering it’s 102.6F right now, that sounds just right). I don’t know the recipient yet. I might use it as a gift. Or maybe someday I’ll try to sell what I knit at least to recoup the expense of the yarn. The skein was 130 yards and cost $15, which is on the pricey side for me. (Anybody want to buy a scarf? I should open an Etsy store.)

zigzag scarf

Until Next Time

Aunt LR has left. It was a wonderful week. She and Bean enjoyed each other immensely, and I’m feeling sad at my sister’s departure. There will be other visits, though, and I’m going to focus on how fun this one was.

happy sisters and baby