Category Archives: Social Science

Why I Haven’t Joined a Church But Still Long For Community

In the past, I’ve written here about my vague desire and intention to join a local Unitarian Universalist church for the community. For readers unfamiliar with Unitarian Universalism, it is described in Wikipedia as:

Unitarian Universalism (UUism) is a theologically liberal religious movement characterized by its support of a “free and responsible search for truth and meaning.” This principle permits Unitarian Universalists a wide range of beliefs and practices. Unitarian Universalist congregations and fellowships tend to retain some Christian traditions such as Sunday worship that includes a sermon and singing of hymns, but do not necessarily identify themselves as Christians.

Ideologically, this suits me. Members of a congregation may be Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, and so on; there is respect for the wisdom in all traditions. Most members come to this community seeking a broader framework to express and experience their spirituality. Members covenant to affirm and promote:

  • The inherent worth and dignity of every person.
  • Justice, equity and compassion in human relations.
  • Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations.
  • A free and responsible search for truth and meaning.
  • The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large.
  • The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all.
  • Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

The living tradition which they share draws from many sources:

  • Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life.
  • Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love.
  • Wisdom from the world’s religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life.
  • Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God’s love by loving our neighbors as ourselves.
  • Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
  • Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.
  • Grateful for the religious pluralism which enriches and ennobles our faith, we are inspired to deepen our understanding and expand our vision. As free congregations we enter into this covenant, promising to one another our mutual trust and support.

However, in the nearly three years I’ve lived here, I’ve only attended a couple of churches a few times. Every step toward involvement or joining has found me resisting. I’ve wondered why that is. In this world where we barely know our neighbors, where friends live hectic lives that require elaborate coordination to socialize, joining a community is beneficial. So I’ve been pondering why I pull back. Is it that I’m lazy and don’t want to get up and going on Sunday morning?

The other evening I went to Purlescence, a yarn store my friends opened last fall, for social knitting (officially Thursday eves and Sundays). I stayed for a few hours and felt nourished. I compared my experience there with the church to see what the knitting group has that the church lacks.

In the yarn store, we talk about the mundane, our jobs, of love revealed and rebuffed, of family. We tell stories and laugh. We share concerns and are received with empathy. There is a core group of women (and one or two men) who attend regularly, but newcomers are always welcomed. There are about 8-12 in attendance. We talk about yarn, assist each other when a mistake is made, show off works in progress and finished projects. There are boisterous moments and quiet interludes. The atmosphere is casual, friendly, not intense, but at the same time, intimate. Sometimes the discussion turns to matters of spirit; it’s a fairly liberal group in that no one proselytizes; instead, discussion of meaning and spirit can be approached from many perspectives. As my relationships with these women grow, I feel that the connections will extend beyond the shop and into “real” life, where friendships will blossom and socializing happen. I believe that if I needed help, these women would coordinate efforts to provide it, and it someone else needed assistance, I would offer.

When I attend any UU church, I feel uncomfortable. I do not need to express my spirituality in a public group that follows a format: hymn singing (even liberal humanist hymns), readings, listening to a sermon, sharing joys and concerns with the congregation — all of this feels rote. Rarely have I heard a sermon which rivets my attention and provokes thought. Then there is the after-service socializing. I’m not extroverted, and making an effort to manufacture chitchat with strangers while holding a paper cup of instant coffee is not fun. Believe me, I do try. I’ve found that I feel lonely, because other members have been attending for years and tend to cluster in small groups to visit, rarely casting an eye about for a newcomer to welcome and engage.

In some churches there are covenant groups; these are groups of 6-12 people who meet regularly; groups are led by experienced facilitators. Meetings have a worship service format, and the focus is on sharing each others’ lives. There is usually a topic to discuss. It’s not a discussion or therapy group, however. The goals are to care for its members, to encourage spiritual growth, and to meet the needs for affirmation and acceptance. They rely on confidentiality and each member’s commitment to participate. They often perform a service project in the community. So this smaller, more intimate group might be just the fit. Again, there is a worship format, which feels forced to me. But who knows, I might be able to adapt.

For an ambivalent newcomer like me, follow through on the part of church members is important. The last time I attended a service, I chatted with one woman who told me there were several people interested in reviving a daytime group. She asked about my schedule, and I said that afternoons work better. She introduced me to the woman who was to coordinate it and told her about my time preference. This woman stiffly told me that the group used to meet at 10 a.m., and I said that I could be flexible; then I gave her my name and phone number and said I looked forward to hearing about the group. I never heard a peep. My life got busy. I could have called the church to follow up, but interest abated. I haven’t attended a service since, and really, you have to show up to nurture connections.

Intellectually I value the concept of community, the strength of many people who share compatible worldviews helping each other and the world around them. Yet my heart hasn’t found a nest in the churches I’ve attended, and it feels so much at home among the women whose hands make knitting needles fly.

I’ll be contemplating this, and perhaps writing more about it.

Religious Literacy

Last week at lunch with my friend, the topic of religion and politics came up, specifically evolution being taught in science class and the push to teach creationism or intelligent design in schools. I suggested that a comparative religions class would be a better venue to discuss matters of faith, and to explore the variety of its expressions. I also think an introductory philosophy course would be valuable. I saw the recent issue of Newsweek in which the same idea is advocated by Stephen Prothero.

The problem:

In a world where nearly every political conflict has a religious underpinning, Prothero writes that Americans are selling themselves short by remaining ignorant about basic religious history and texts, by not knowing the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite or the name of Mormonism’s holy book. “Given a political environment where religion is increasingly important, it’s increasingly important to know something about religion,” he says. “The payoff is a more involved [political] conversation.”

The Gospel of Prothero: A Boston University professor argues that Americans, though ‘spiritual,’ are woefully ignorant about religion

The suggested solution:

The book proposes a solution that is at once controversial and familiar: teach religion in public schools. Prothero believes that before graduation from high school, every American should take a Bible course and a world-religions course—dispassionate humanities courses whose purpose is not to catechize or evangelize but to educate. In colleges, he argues, we have science requirements, so why not religion? When Harvard decided recently not to make religion part of its core curriculum, “it missed an opportunity,” he says.

The Gospel of Prothero: A Boston University professor argues that Americans, though ‘spiritual,’ are woefully ignorant about religion

I would love to hear Stephen Prothero speak, but I’ll settle for reading his book, Religious Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know–And Doesn’t.

An Easy Way to Help Fulfill a Need

My mother forwarded an email with the following message.

Dear Friends:

You probably never thought of this, but women’s shelters in the U.S. go through thousands of tampons and pads monthly. Assistance agencies generally help with expenses of “everyday” necessities such as toilet paper, diapers, and clothing, but one of the most BASIC needs is overlooked — feminine hygiene products. (Who is at the helm of the funding assistance agencies!?)

Seventh Generation, a green paper products and cleaning products company, has a do-good attitude and will donate a box of sanitary products to a women’s shelter in your chosen statejust for clicking the link. Talk about easy (literally takes less than 1 minute and they ask nothing of you).

And, yes, it is Legitimate!

Confirm this is TRUE (NOT an urban legend).

Help out by clicking here.

Why I’m Not Out Saving the World At the Moment

Recently a comment was left inquiring what had happened to all my great ideas to volunteer, start a listening ministry, be a literacy coach, and work in the non-profit arena. And it occurred to me that I have been quiet about these inspiring ideas for several months.

In October, when Husband and I saw a counselor to discuss the fertility issues and we decided that yes indeed we want a biological child, he requested that I not write the blow-by-blow account of the journey. Since the endeavor involves him, it was totally reasonable to ask. There are lots of blogs out there to provide that vicarious experience, one of them being A Little Pregnant. As for working, we agreed that my job is to conceive and carry a successful pregnancy. The stress of my last job exacted a toll, and we’re certain that pregnancy and working are not a good combination for me at this time. I am very fortunate that our lifestyle allows us this option.

Besides, the fertility issues got moved to the back burner. After my job ended, the holidays were suddenly upon us. We all know how distracting they can be from our usual intentions for life. Then came the sudden need to find a new home, to pack all our stuff, and to get moved and settled. My job, essentially, has been to do these things. I do meet with my learner once a week to teach her ESL, and I enjoy it very much. To honor confidentiality I abstain from writing about our relationship and work. As for the listening ministry, I’ve got interest but the not the involvement with the church, because I have been slow and lax in connecting to that community. I’ve also been diligently working on a big project of my own; it occupies my life and is changing me in ways I never expected. As I responded to the commenter, there are seasons in a person’s life; sometimes engagement is external in the community and sometimes it’s internal and within the self.

In this blog I usually write about what’s current to me and pepper those entries with occasional quotes or photos. Lately my life consists of picking up knitting again, reading good books, making a home, and seeing friends. My dear friend Eileen has been besieged with health problems. Not only is she undergoing chemotherapy and radiation for breast cancer, several weeks ago she fell and broke her humerus bone (shoulder), which left her with the use of one arm. She has no ability to drive to the many medical appointments that shape her life, and it’s difficult to cook one-handed. All this is made more complex by the layers of malaise that accompany chemo treatments: nausea, dizziness, anxiety, fatigue, and body-wracking pain. I, along with her other friends and family, have been helping out. I may not be improving the world in general by doing this, but it’s important nonetheless.

An Opportunity to Grow Up

You sit back most of your life, and you assume that there are grown-ups somewhere running the show. If you really get out there, if you look behind the curtain, you see it is just a bunch of tired people like yourself, needing help, trying their best and not doing half as well as they would like. That is the moment when you have an opportunity to grow up and to take your part.

–Doris Haddock, campaign finance reformer, Granny D: You’re Never Too Old to Raise a Little Hell

Lazy But Not

On this gray, dreary day, Husband and I still have our sweats and jammies on, and it’s nearly 3:30 in the afternoon. Our intention had been to finish unpacking the last of the boxes and to hang art work, but he got involved in a novel, and I dedicated myself to knitting new dish cloths (now my hands ache from working with inflexible cotton). I made beef stew yesterday, so we’ve no need to make effort in the kitchen. And there is still tomorrow to accomplish our tasks.

As I knitted, I was entertained (and educated) by some NPR programs. First is the always informative, witty, and downright funny Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me! which featured among its guests P.J. O’Rourke. I’m pretty well-informed this week, because I got all the answers right. The guest for the “It’s Not My Job” segment was Neil DeGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist whose Nova shows I avidly watch. “Not My Job” is when an expert is asked questions completely out of his field, and if he wins, a selected listener gets a prize; in this case, his quiz focused on the upcoming Guns ‘n’ Roses album. He was consistent in that he got all three questions wrong, and therefore did not win the prize for the chosen listener. He was really funny and good-natured about his pop culture ignorance. (What’s amazing to me is that I got all three questions correct, even though I know next to nothing about the band.)

Next I heard This American Life with Ira Glass, and the topic was “In the Shadow of the City.” The three stories were about events and life that happen in desolate places in urban areas.

Following that show was a locally produced show, Health Dialogues. This week’s show focused on birth, and here’s the blurb:

The infant mortality rate is down, the number of premature births is up and the average age of new moms in California is at an all-time high. What are the ethical implications of pre-natal testing and concerns about Caesarean deliveries? How are changing demographics, attitudes and science affecting the birth process?

I found it interesting in general, but I was disappointed there wasn’t any time focused on the ethical concerns about pre-natal testing. If you want to hear the show (it’s one hour), click here.

And lastly I heard a fascinating piece from American Radioworks about the work Justice Thurgood Marshall did before being appointed to the United States Supreme Court. Prior to Martin Luther King, Jr., Marshall was known as “Mr. Civil Rights,” as he worked tirelessly for many years to end segregation, particularly in public schools. I had not known he was the lead counsel for the landmark case, Brown vs. Board of Education. The documentary included tape recordings of speeches he gave, interviews with people who worked with him, and commentary from people living in the south who opposed desegregation. One dismaying point made: while there are no longer any laws promoting racial segregation in schools, it continues to exist. If you want to read about this, I recommend The Shame of the Nation: The Restoration of Apartheid Schooling in America, by Jonathan Kozol. It’s a heavy, even discouraging read, but as a taxpayer and citizen, one that is important.

I’m about the press the “publish” button and see it’s just about 4:00 p.m. It’s been a lovely, quiet Saturday. I hope yours has been as well.

Men and Depression

Newsweek has an excellent article on depression and men. The excerpts below actually apply to depression in general, and the articles are worth reading regardless of gender.

For decades, scientists believed the main cause of depression was low levels of the neurotransmitters serotonin and norepinephrine. Newer research, however, focuses on the nerve cells themselves and how the brain’s circuitry can be permanently damaged by hyperactive stress responses, brought on by genetic predisposition, prolonged exposure to stress or even a single traumatic event. “When the stress responses are stuck in the ‘on’ position, that has a negative effect on mood regulation overall,” says Dr. Michael C. Miller, editor of the Harvard Mental Health Letter. A depressed brain is not necessarily underproducing something, says Dr. Thomas Insel, head of the National Institute of Mental Health — it’s doing too much.

Julie Scelfo, Men and Depression: Facing Darkness

In one recent study at Columbia University, researchers found that rates of anxiety disorders and depression were three times as high among the adult children of depressed parents as they were among people whose parents were not depressed. Adult children of depressed parents also reported about five times the rate of cardiovascular disease — a sign that emotional disorders affect more than mood.

Barbara Kantrowitz, ‘I Never Knew What to Expect’

At Last!

Houston, we have Internet access at home! Whee!

I’ve been sick since yesterday with stomach problems. It’s an on-again-off-again thing. At the moment, Husband is securing an 8-foot bookcase in the office to the wall with earthquake straps. Tomorrow we’ll unpack boxes in there.

Some observations:

I made beef stock for soup. Nothing smells more savory to me than roasting the bones and some vegetables in the oven in preparation for making stock.

Now that I have easy access to the Internet, I can follow up all immediate curiosities. For example, I wondered recently about the origin of the name Oreo as I nibbled on the cookies. Well, one answer speculates:

While there is no written record as to the origin of the OREO Chocolate Sandwich Cookies name, there are several theories. Some say that OREO was chosen because it was a nice melodic combination of sounds and was easy to pronounce. Others feel it was patterned after the French word for gold, “or” , a color used on early package designs. It is even believed that the name comes from the Greek word for mountain, “oreo”, and that the name was chosen because the first test version was hill-shaped. Regardless of its origin, the name stuck and today OREO Chocolate Sandwich Cookies are one of the most popular brands of cookies in America.

Wade Lee

However, a Metroactive article states:

According to Nabisco historians, the Oreo was not named after the Greek word oreo, meaning “mountain.” Nabisco’s pride and joy was named by taking the “re” out of cream and squishing it, sandwich-style, between the two “o’s” from the word chocolate.

David Templeton

I like the latter explanation the most!

I’ve been deeply immersed in the novel, Ahab’s Wife: Or, the Star-Gazer.

Our friends had their first baby, a son, on February 8th!! He’s healthy and adorable, and we are thrilled for them.

I’ve been following the news about Oswego, NY, coping with 7 feet of snow recently dumped on them. I attended SUNY Oswego for my bachelor’s degree, and it was truly a place for hardy souls. In a recent conversation with my mother, she mentioned she’d heard that part of the reason for the amount of snow is that some of the Great Lakes have not frozen over as usual; the weather system has captured moisture from the lakes and carried it to land, where it becomes “lake effect” snow. I lived in Syracuse for 31 years, and boy, did we know what that was like! Looks like people now have to figure out where to put additional snow predicted to fall.

Does the Fact I Find This Funny Mean I’m Cynical?

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.

–John Adams

Still no Internet at home! It’s coming, I’m told. AT&T said we should have it by end of business on Friday. We’ll see. Meanwhile, they should put my name on the particular workstation I use at the library, since I’m camped out here so much.

Loving Family Dynamics

Angelina Jolie speaks about her motherly feelings toward her adopted and biological children.

I think I feel so much more for Madd and Zee because they’re survivors, they came through so much. Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her…I met my other kids when they were six months old, they came with a personality. A newborn really is this…Yes, a blob! But now she’s starting to have a personality…I’m conscious that I have to make sure I don’t ignore her needs, just because I think the others are more vulnerable.

I wonder how many years of therapy Shiloh will need? Let’s hope the Queen decides against having more biological children.

Commodified Bodies, Commodified Lives

I have been spending much of this week trapped in a lounge chair in front of the television. What I have seen isn’t pretty. First this woman says something is missing from her life, and it turns out to be a bigger butt. So she heads off to Dr 90210 for implants. Then Oprah says she does not consider herself lucky at all, that she’s earned her success and exemplifies the American Dream. I kept thinking they were both being ironic, waiting for them to crack up at the ridiculousness of their statements, but neither one of them did. They were dead serious.

What’s it like to live in a culture so spiritually dead that someone could consider butt implants the key to happiness? What’s it like to live in a culture so obsessed with individuality that someone could consider herself entitled to billions of dollars just by being a talking head? …

…Is this really what “America” means? Commodified bodies to go with commodified religion, everything marketed, marketable, even our bodies and our souls? It’s so obviously out of whack that I cannot believe I even need to comment on this, but every time I do I am reminded that voices like mine don’t hold center stage. Why? Because I’ve got nothing to sell except the insistence that we need to stop buying. There’s no advertising revenue in that, is there Oprah? Guess I won’t be a billionaire like you.

–Diana York Blaine, The Adventures of Diana York Blaine: And Now a Word From the Oracle

Diana York Blaine is a recent discovery. I learned of her on another blog which mentioned that she’d taken some photos of herself without a shirt or bra which resulted in a fracas rumbling into her personal and professional lives. (What is it about women’s breasts that are so taboo in some contexts and yet so tantalizing on others?) I went to her Flickr site to see them. I found nothing offensive. Wait, I misspoke: I did find something offensive there; the nasty comments left by some people pointing out what they felt she lacked, how her waist needs to be trimmer, how her body doesn’t match the “ideal” standard of beauty. What I saw in the photos was a normal woman. In fact, in one photo she said she was competing with a painting on the wall, and the woman in the painting looked much the same! Diana is a feminist philosopher at the University of Southern California. We are the same age, and I’ve found a kindred soul; she is pursuing a career and life path that might have been mine if I’d taken some different turns a long time back. Oh, that we only get one life! There’s so much to learn and do and be. Through Diana I can vicariously experience some of it.

Speaking of Oprah, I read about her South African school for girls that will open soon. I applaud the good intention, but not her exclusivity. Of the thousands of girls deserving education, she selected only 150 to attend. Winfrey chose expensive designer furniture, china, and even the uniforms. She wants the girls to experience the sense they deserve good things, with the notion being their self-esteem and confidence will grow. Maybe so, but does it cost $40 million dollars to do this for 150 girls? Will huge fireplaces in every building really contribute to creating “beauty that inspires” as she claims? Oprah was quoted: “I wanted this to be a place of honor for them because these girls have never been treated with kindness. They’ve never been told they are pretty or have wonderful dimples. I wanted to hear those things as a child.” Um, kindness is not expressed in fancy china or color-matched rugs and couches. How about spending less money on commodities and hiring more excellent teachers to shower the girls with kindness through teaching their minds, mentoring their spirits, and nurturing their souls?

And why is she devoting so much effort and money to girls in South Africa? I’m not contending they are undeserving. It’s just that there are many girls in America that could use the same assistance. If she spent less money in South Africa, perhaps she could do more in both places. But no, here is her explanation.

Oprah also knows that some people will complain that charity should begin at home, even though she has provided millions of dollars to educate poor children in the United States, especially via her Oprah Winfrey Scholars Program. But she sees the two situations as entirely different. “Say what you will about the American educational system — it does work,” she says. “If you are a child in the United States, you can get an education.” And she doesn’t think that American students — who, unlike Africans, go to school free of charge — appreciate what they have. “I became so frustrated with visiting inner-city schools that I just stopped going. The sense that you need to learn just isn’t there,” she says. “If you ask the kids what they want or need, they will say an iPod or some sneakers. In South Africa, they don’t ask for money or toys. They ask for uniforms so they can go to school.”

She is entirely free to allocate her philanthropy however she chooses, but her explanation sounds more like giving up on the youth here.

I believe Jonathan Kozol would have much to say about that. Here’s an excerpt from his website:

Education is taken for granted in modern American society. If a child cannot afford to attend a private or parochial school, which are generally seen as better than the alternative, then they go to public school. The assumption is made, because of compulsory attendance laws, and the societal emphasis on childhood learning, no matter what, a child is getting an education. Unfortunately, attendance is not a prerequisite for education. A child in a classroom faces many obstacles that should not be faced at such an early age. Instead of the next spelling test that pupil must deal with issues from discrimination to shoddy facilities to a lack of funding per pupil. In some communities children are bussed forty miles to their schools. The difference between the spending of suburban communities per student and urban communities per student is quite enormous. How can our society expect to survive when under-privileged urban children are not even being given the chance to compete on an equal footing with their suburban counterparts? Children should be allowed to be children. No child should ever bear the burden of adult concerns until they are ready. For the past thirty-five years, Jonathon Kozol has been an advocate for children. He points out the discrepancies that make our educational system so blatantly hypocritical. He is not the only advocate of the forgotten pupil, yet he has been among the most vocal and active.

I’ve read many of Kozol’s books, all of which are compelling; he is one of my heroes for his tireless efforts to change an unresponsive culture. You can read more at his website.

I recommend The Shame of the Nation: The Restoration of Apartheid Schooling in America, an updated critique of public education; it follows up on his original work, Savage Inequalities: Children in America’s Schools, in which he assessed schools he visited from 1988-1990.

The Illusion of Control

A bevy of experiments in recent years suggest that the conscious mind is like a monkey riding a tiger of subconscious decisions and actions in progress, frantically making up stories about being in control.

As a result, physicists, neuroscientists and computer scientists have joined the heirs of Plato and Aristotle in arguing about what free will is, whether we have it, and if not, why we ever thought we did in the first place.

–Dennis Overbye, Free Will: Now You Have It, Now You Don’t

Fascinating article. Engage your eyeballs and invest your brain; it’s worth it.