Category Archives: Regional

New Month, New Friend, New Fun

Rabbit, rabbit! As a girl, I said this first thing on the first day of the month to ensure good luck. It was more for fun than anything. I suppose I believed in that superstition about as much as I attested to Santa’s existence until I outgrew magical thinking.

~~~~~~

So it’s the first of a new month. September is a time of beginning for me. I celebrate a private new year on September 6. No, it’s not my birthday. It’s a date of reclamation, a way of honoring myself on the anniversary of my assault. That date used to bring grief, and I focused on the damage it wrought. A colleague in graduate school once said, “You know, Kathryn, you need to stop celebrating this negative anniversary.” He was right. So I decided to make the day special for myself. I journal about my strengths and blessings, do a twelve-month tarot reading to establish themes for the next year, treat myself to something nice, and pamper my body. The last bit is very important. My body is a sacred place, though I’m the first to admit that I’m not perfectly consistent in my treatment of it as such. After the rape, though, I disconnected from my body for several years. One of my acts of tenderness toward myself in recovery was to get weekly massages (from an intern, since I was a student at the time) for a year. I sought a male massage therapist so I could reintroduce myself to safe touch from a man. It was integral to my process. Since I’m new here, I don’t know of any massage therapists; otherwise I’d probably get one.

~~~~~~

I’m feeling better today. Siona can take credit for contributing to my improved mood. We had a wonderful talk. Two hours passed seamlessly. I loved talking with her; I experienced the mental/emotional connection that is so essential in my life. I felt at home with her and in the cafe, Mission City Coffee Roasting, which has wi-fi (woo hoo!) too. She also gave me ideas, lots of ideas, of places to explore.

One of those places was the San Jose Library, specifically the MLK branch. Oh my! It’s huge. Because it’s part of the San Jose University system, it offers a panoply of services. There’s a café, a children’s center, literacy center, and bookstore. Then there is an education resource center, reference and technology areas, lecture rooms and computer labs. The library has 1.5 million holdings, 400 public access computers, and 500 laptop ports. My only lament is that parking is scarce and not cheap.

Another showcase library that’s basically in my back yard is the Santa Clara City Library. The new building opened in April, I heard. It’s 80,000 square feet of state-of-the-art design. They offer much of the same as the SJ library on a smaller scale. It was incredibly busy the day I went.

So I have two brand new library cards, which I shall use liberally. Why am I so excited? Well, I worked at the Syracuse University Library for ten years. When I was little, I played pretend librarian. In my twenties I labeled the spines of my books and organized the fiction by author’s last name and non-fiction by subject. These days I track my 698 book library with Books for MacOS X, a nifty free program by a devoted Apple user. Yes, I am a library geek. And Siona shares my passion for libraries as well as other things.

Thus begins a new month. It’s good, very good.

Reasons to Live Here

This is one reason why Austin is such a cool place to live.

And here’s another:

Tears of Relief and Grief

One month ago I put out the word that one of my cats needed a new home. Her fragile mental state made us concerned that she wouldn’t weather the transition, and we learned we were only allowed to have two cats in our new abode.

I received numerous comments and emails (some rather mean and judgemental) and lots of advice (some helpful, some not). People in my community spread the word. At last, Zoë has a new home. A friend whom I supervised for practicum volunteered this morning. We spoke at length about the transition (she has three cats right now) and she’s committed to helping Zoë integrate into a new home.

I’ll bring her over tomorrow evening. As soon as I hung up I told my fiancé and then promptly burst into tears. I’m relieved and deeply grateful that CN will take her. I know she will give Zoë a good home. I’m sad about saying good-bye. I’m leaving behind so many loved ones.

Of course, the tears are also prompted by other stressors too. Our realtor visited us yesterday and we learned that the market isn’t so good for selling. We bought in 2000 at the peak, and since then our house assessment has decreased. We’ll be lucky to sell it for the balance of the loan; we certainly won’t reap any profit or recoup the down payment.

Then this morning the moving company sent someone to assess our belongings. We’re divesting a lot of furniture, and I’ve given up a number of books already, but it seems we may be over the 8000 pound limit that the employer will pay for. We’re waiting to hear how much more we’ll have to pay out of pocket for the extra weight (we’re about 3000 pounds over). This move is costly, with lots of contingent expenses, even though it’s being paid for. (We’ll have people come pack us, a luxury I’ve never enjoyed before.) If the company had not offered a full relocation package, we wouldn’t be moving, that’s certain.

In any case, I thank the CN for her generosity and compassion. And I’m going to focus only on the next task at hand, lest my head explode.

No Questions Allowed?

I’m a member of Orkut and in my quest for possibly placing Zoë, I sent out notices to the Austin and cat lover communities there. The note was brief, saying I’m moving cross country and needed a new home for her, asking if anyone who lives in central Texas and is interested to contact me. I provided a link to the blog post so people could learn more.

Although the cynical part of me knows better, I’m amazed that people won’t bother to read before making a judgment about the kind of person I am. I’m amazed at the intensity and vitriol of some of the responses. It makes me reconsider the concept of “social networks” like Orkut. If asking for help results in condemnation and unconstructive feedback, this removes the incentive to reach out. People who rescue animals plead and urge pet owners to tap all resources if they choose not to keep a pet, and yet the response to my call has been mostly unhelpful.

I received one inquiry from someone local expressing interest in discussing adoption. I’ll be exploring it. One other respondent empathized and provided practical advice on helping her through the move. I’ve not made the final decision yet; I was putting out feelers to see what options might be available.

I’ve been criticized for abandoning my cat and being a nasty person who doesn’t deserve the cat I have. But my goodness, if it’s taboo to ask the question or consider alternatives, how can I make a fully informed decision? This reminds me of religious paradigms which make it a sin to doubt or question. A good decision comes from exploration.

If you have helpful information on how to move a cat such as Zoë 1500 miles — keeping in mind the move will take four days and we’ll then live in a motel for up to 15 days after arrival while we wait for our furniture to arrive and will have two other cats with us — I welcome hearing from you. I you have helpful information about resources in Austin or might want to adopt her, please contact me. If your only message is to ask me why I’m considering this or tell me I’m an awful person, I would rather not hear from you. This is not an easy or painless situation.

My Cat Needs a New Home

I have three cat companions, and one of them, I fear, will not survive the move cross-country. She’s a little neurotic. Her name is Zoë, and she’s six years old, spayed, declawed, and updated on her annual shots. She’s really gorgeous and has a gentle personality.

So what’s the problem, you ask? I adopted Zoë from foster care when she was six months. She and a sibling were abandoned at six weeks of age. They were left in a box, and the rescuer had a number of large dogs that attacked the box. The traumatic experience altered Zoë. Her caregivers said she was psychotic and totally untouchable when they got her. Over time she calmed down (she lived in a room with 30 other cats to be socialized), but remained skittish. She was beautiful, and I’ve got a soft spot for cast-offs, so I adopted her along with another cat.

Over the years, Zoë has become as tame as she will probably ever be. I think she has post-traumatic stress disorder. She likes to sleep in enclosed, quiet places, and it is a rare visitor who ever lays eyes on her. If you sneeze loudly or make a sudden movement, she nearly jumps out of her skin. However, she also is a come-sit-beside-you cat who loves to snuggle. Don’t try to pick her up. She freaks out. If you let her come to you, however, she will roll on her back and let you rub her belly. She is playful. Zoë brings to mind a quote I like:

Happiness is like a butterfly,the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes and softly sits on your shoulder.

–By Nathanial Hawthorne

My concern is that the four days to California might just undo what stability she’s achieved. Each cat will travel in a carrier, and at night we’ll let them out in the motel room to eat and use the litterbox. We will consider tranquilzers, but adminstering a pill to her is virtually impossible. If she’s too lethargic, she won’t be up to eating and such in the evenings. It just doesn’t seem like a happy situation. Furthermore, we’ll rent an apartment in CA, and most places have a limit of two pets.

What Zoë needs is a place to live that is quiet (no dogs!) with someone who can accept a cat who is very cat-like (aloof, interacts with you on her terms). She socializes well with other cats, mostly because she does not try to dominate. She finds her niche. I’ve been hoping and praying to find a loving home for her, but this is proving difficult. If we don’t succeed, and decide not to take her, we have but one alternative, and that is to put her down. I dearly wish to avoid that.

Please consider giving sweet Zoë a home, and ask your among your friends and family if anyone could adopt her. Email me at kathryn at pobox dot com.

You can see a photo of her below.
Continue reading →

An Auspicious Day

Today is my birthday; I’ve been alive two score and one year. As each year passes, I am awed at the speed of time. It seems to increase the longer I live.

In a recent post I wrote about a major life decision that I needed to make. It pertained to a move to California. Well, yesterday that decision was made, as well as another one. I am now a fianceé, and we will journey westward together. Yesterday was a Big Day, in terms of decisions and events.

One decade ago on July 9th, I rolled into Austin in my two-door Eagle Summit to start a new phase in life. I had left a job of ten years and my hometown of 31 and took a leap of faith. My brother and sister-in-law live here, so I knew two people. However, I didn’t have a job, just a little money saved and a lot of hope. These ten years have been full and rich, sometimes with very great pain, and often with very great joy. I am sad to leave, yet at the same time I embrace what is manifesting, including the grief of good-bye. One life lesson I’m absorbing is how to hold two contrasting states at once in my being. I used to live with an either/or worldview. The both/and perspective permits so much more.

Anyhow, it feels symbolic and meaningful that in the next month I’ll be making a huge move again. This time it will be different in significant ways, most especially that I’ll be journeying with my best friend. I am grateful for life.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite well that just to be alive is a grand thing.

–Agatha Christie

Update: In case there is confusion, let me clarify that I do intend to keep posting on A Mindful Life. The grief of good-bye to which I refer is about leaving in-person loved ones and places that hold sweet memories.

Mental Health Help, Texas Style

Having worked at Austin Travis County MHMR for several years, I know firsthand the distress caused to clients and the community by funding cutbacks. When I saw the article below in Sunday’s news, I was compelled to reprint it here for my future reference. My hope is that someday I’ll be able to read it in my archives and reflect on it as the “bad old days.” But they say I’m a dreamer; one doesn’t enter the profession of human services unless one is a bit of an idealist.

[begin]

A Lost Life
One woman tries — and fails — to navigate Texas’ shrinking mental health system

By Andrea Ball
AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF
Sunday, May 23, 2004

A homeless man found Samantha Harvey on the Town Lake hike-and-bike trail, her lifeless body hanging from the limb of a tall cypress tree.

He called for help, and soon the woodsy area frequented by bikers and joggers was swarming with police, firefighters and emergency medical technicians.

They didn’t know the blond, 19-year-old woman with the aqua dress and freshly bandaged wrists; didn’t know of her long battle with depression, her previous suicide attempts, her efforts to get help.

To them she was just a sad story. That story ended on Aug. 27, 2003.

But mental health experts say she is more than that. To them Samantha symbolizes the thousands of people the Texas mental health system fails each year. The system is a patchwork of 41 community mental health centers across the state that vary in size and budgets, offer different programs and medicines and have no uniform computer or record-keeping center to connect them.

Samantha was mentally ill, poor and uninsured — a typical person lost in the system. Months after Texas legislators trimmed millions of dollars for mental health care, experts worry others will suffer the same fate.

“This is what happens when you have people falling through the cracks and not getting adequate care,” said Melanie Gantt, public policy director for the Mental Health Association in Texas.

In 2003 legislators cut $14.8 million in funding to the community mental health centers, a 5.11 percent decrease that forced agencies to drop services, lay off employees and turn away clients. They cut most therapy benefits for more than 800,000 Medicaid recipients, leaving the 128,000 people using it scrambling to find care.

Since then, mental illness-related visits to hospital and clinics have increased as much as 50 percent in the Austin area. Emergency visits to the Austin-Travis County Mental Health and Mental Retardation Center have risen 5 percent.

Things soon could get worse. Starting Sept. 1., community mental health centers will accept people with bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and clinically severe depression only. The 17,000 other people currently being treated for ailments such as panic, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorders will be phased out of the system and left to find care elsewhere.
Continue reading →

Summer Hunger

Some kids don’t get enough to eat, no matter what people want to tell themselves. Do the math: during the rest of the year 15 million students get free or cut-rate lunches at school, and many of them get breakfast, too. But only 3 million children are getting lunches through the federal summer lunch program. And hunger in the United States, particularly since the institution of so-called welfare reform, is epidemic. The numbers are astonishing in the land of the all-you-can-eat buffet. The Agriculture Department estimated in 1999 that 12 million children were hungry or at risk of going hungry. A group of big-city mayors released a study showing that in 2000 requests for food assistance from families increased almost 20 percent, more than at any time in the last decade. And last Thanksgiving a food bank in Connecticut gave away 4,000 more turkeys than the year before — and still ran out of birds.

But while the Christmas holidays make for heart-rending copy, summer is really ground zero in the battle tokeep kids fed. The school-lunch program, begun in the 1970s as a result of bipartisan federal legislation, has been by most measures an enormous success. For lots of poor families it’s become a way to count on getting at least one decent meal into their children, and when it disappears it’s catastrophic. Those who work at America’s Second Harvest, the biggest nonprofit supply source for food banks, talk of parents who go hungry themselves so their kids can eat, who put off paying utility and phone bills, who insist their children attent remedial summer-school programs simply so they can get a meal.

–Anna Quindlen, “School’s Out for Summer,” Newsweek June 18, 2001

Most of these families are not homeless or jobless; they are minimum-wage workers who can’t afford enough food on their salaries. Quindlen wrote, “For a significant number of Americans, the cost of an additional meal for two school-age children for the eight weeks of summer vacation seems like a small fortune.” Some won’t seek government assistance because of the stigma associated with it. Others don’t know they qualify. The process of filling out a 12-page application is overly daunting. (Having helped clients through the byzantine process of applying, it is may not be perceived as worth the effort. One client of mine was receiving $540 a month of Social Security Disability, yet she still only qualified for $12 of food assistance per month.)

While one could argue that we as a democracy should provide better support for citizens, attempting to do so through official governmental channels is cumbersome and ineffective. You have the power to make a difference in a very tangible way. Go shopping and bring your purchases to a local food bank. Donate money in the summer and not just at holiday time.

The National Association of Letter Carriers held its food drive a couple of Saturdays ago. In the past decade, they have collected 586,800,000 pounds of food during their annual drive. If you missed this opportunity, you can search for your local food bank on the America’s Second Harvest site. In Austin, the Capital Area Food Bank provides assistance to central Texas. You might also consider the Austin Sustainable Food Center; its mission is to improve access to local and affordable food.

A Mindful Life / Kathryn Harper

express : discover : renew : create

Category Archives: Regional

Reasons to Live Here

No Questions Allowed?

My Cat Needs a New Home