It’s been a sobering week for me in some ways. We knew it was crucial for me not to work during the pregnancy to give the process the best chance, and we became a single income family. When we lived in our other home it was affordable. Then we had to move, and our rent increased by $450 monthly. I’ve been tracking income and expenses since January, and with the layout of money for baby gear, medical costs, and the move, we’ve discovered that we are living a bit beyond our means. We have savings and can use it, but our goal is really to live within our income. And the reason we have any savings at all is because that’s what we’ve been doing for years — living within and below our income.
Of course, living with debt is an experience that permeates most people’s lives. In fact, I would say it’s a defining factor of being American. But I’ve lived with great debt before; and since I’ve gotten out of the pit, I’d rather not return. Husband’s financial personality is conservative, and this has helped my transition from spendthrift to saver. Living space is smaller here; I’ve been slowly divesting of stuff that collects dust, has no use, or brings no pleasure, and I’ve set an intention not to accumulate more.
So it’s time to simplify. We’d already taken steps since the new year. For the most part I don’t purchase books anymore and go to the public library. My spending on yarn and art supplies has dwindled significantly (I’ve got plenty stashed away). Yet we’re looking at all our spending and tightening things. Gifts, magazine subscriptions, travel and dining out with friends are being deleted from the budget. The area of biggest concern has been the dining out. Food is social. Getting together with friends is usually a food occasion. It’s fun to eat out and try new places, but it’s also expensive. Now that we’re becoming parents I’m sure we’ll make friends with other parents who can relate to the financial paradigm. Yet a number of our friends are working couples with no children. How do we remain friends with them?
Some people might attempt to keep up; that is, to continue with the dinners and carry debt. Others might phase the friends out; it’s probably not hard when all time is consumed by a new baby. But I’ve chosen a different approach. I’ve explained to these friends (without going into detail) that our budget is smaller and our lifestyle changing, and we’re going to focus on dining in and inviting people over more often. Then I’ve invited them over for a meal soon.
The response has been loving. The sweet thing is that these friends are more than happy to focus on quality time together and not on spending money. They understand that when you have money, you have more for discretionary spending, and that priorities change. We knew this about them already (or we’d not likely fit so well as friends). Yet, to take the step of confiding this change is actually a step toward intimacy. By setting forth our situation, our friends can include us in their plans without creating awkwardness for anyone. They’ll invite us to parties at their homes but not invite us out to restaurants. We can entertain them at our home. We’ve been pondering, learning about, and slowly evolving toward a simple living style, so this is a natural step in our evolution. Another term for this is voluntary simplicity.
This means a change in role for me as well. Until recently Husband and I could be very independent. If I don’t feel like cooking (I’m the main cook), we “fend” for ourselves. At some point I’ll have a child who needs regular meals – not immediately, but soon enough I’ll need to actually plan what I’m going to do so my kid, at least, doesn’t starve. I hate cleaning house and have a pretty high tolerance for dust, as does Husband. But soon we’ll have a little one creeping around the floor, and since his job is to earn income, my job will be to maintain home. Husband launders his own clothes; I never touch them (a liberated man!). I launder my own and wash linens, blankets, etc. Soon there will be baby clothes and such to maintain, and this will probably fall to me more often. No more self-centered living. Time to grow up in a new way.
It’s all a new adventure.
