I think about posting, but my interest and energy wane. I’ve nothing insightful to share. Every day is full, not a minute idly spent. Claire changes daily. I do the same tasks daily. Husband has been in bed sick with The Crud since Saturday. My throat is sore. Please, may I be spared?

I’d like to write about the intimacy of motherhood — how the amount of time spent gazing into this little person’s eyes, touching and interacting with her hundreds of times a day — pulls at the center of my being, how primal and wild and physical it feels. In my infancy I was on the other side of the relationship, but I don’t have a conscious memory of it. Yet I’m tired, and have only precious few hours to myself before I must sleep — after I fold the laundry, refill the cat’s food bowl, prepare the coffee maker for tomorrow, pick up the toys, take out the garbage, load the dishwasher, etc….

I’ve been having intense pregnancy dreams. These dreams are joyful. I awoke this morning with a wishful pang and an urge to purchase a home-pregnancy kit. I know it’s not the case; I’m not pregnant. (I’m not convinced my body could handle such a big project again anyway.) The dreams might be due to the fact that two dear friends recently announced that each is pregnant; their babies are due late September to October.

Is it possible, however, that I want to try again? In Internet parlance, WTF?!

I’m so busy living I don’t have time to navel-gaze about it. It’s refreshing, but it leads to a dearth of blog posts.

We’ll probably start solids in a month. Claire’s fascinated when we eat, shows a lot of interest in what goes in our mouths. So we gave her a baby spoon to sample tonight.

I swear Claire’s gained two pounds in the past two weeks. She’s been eating every 1.5 to 2 hours, except at night. Lately Claire’s been sleeping from 7 p.m. until 10 p.m., eating hugely, then sleeping again until 6 a.m. Or she’ll sleep from 7 p.m. until 2 a.m., eat, and sleep again until 6:30. I think the fact she’s probably doubled her birth weight (finally!) contributes to night sleep duration. She packs it all in during the day.

There’s lots of things we notice about her at five months of age.

Claire…

• has developed a cough — a theatrical stage cough that she uses to get attention.
• is teething; sucks on icy cold washcloths more than any other teething device.
• spends much more time on her tummy and increasingly enjoys it.
• is beginning to creep; all that tummy time is working!
• has much stronger arms; she has clocked us hard occasionally.
• makes high-pitched noises and babbles.
• beams whenever she hears a familiar song or rhyme (especially from the Music Together class).
• rolls from tummy to back, and almost rolls back to tummy.
• loves music; sometimes participates by vocalizing the “resting note.”
• enjoys being read to, and her current favorites are Barnyard Banter, Moo Baa La La La, and Jamberry.
• laughs heartily and often.
• loves hearing the Zzzz or Bzzz sound; it makes her usually at least grin, and often she giggles.
• enjoys peek-a-boo.
• wrinkles her nose when she smiles.
• now allows herself to be held inward, facing over the shoulder.
• likes to sit, and practices sitting up every day; she almost can sit alone.
• exhibits much more control over her hands and feet, making finer movements.
• sucks her toes.
• when hungry, doesn’t scream and cry anymore, but rather grunts and then smiles when we get the bottle out; she’s able to anticipate and understand more.
• puts weight on her legs and likes to practice standing.
• sleeps on her side in the crib.
• smiles hugely when we start the “This Little Piggy” ditty in clear anticipation of our saying “Wheee! Wheee! Wheee! All the way home!” (at which point she giggles).
• loves being worn in the Moby wrap and especially when I dance with her.
• clearly attempts to express her desires by saying “Eehn! Eehn!” when she wants another toy, or to be picked up, or for a rhyme or song to be repeated.
• raises her arms to be picked up.
• will turn to look at something I point at if it’s nearby.
• wakes quietly from naps in my arms and plays with my fingers; she also strokes my hand (that holds the bottle) while she drinks.
• loves to be “tossed” up in the air and “pretend” to fall; the sudden movements make her laugh.
• rides the bucket swing at the playground and loves it.
• sits in the stroller like a big girl (not in her infant seat snapped into it).
• is more consistently sleeping 8-9 hours at a stretch overnight!

Happy five months, my little Eclaire!

She’s gaining weight so well!

Claire napped four times yesterday, only 30 minutes each. She last ate at 4:30 p.m. (only 21.75 ounces for the day). She was exhausted at bedtime (7:00). Usually she wakes around 11 p.m. to eat and then again at 5 a.m. Instead, she slept straight through until 5:00 a.m., ate, then Husband put her back to sleep. As of 7:20 she remains asleep.

This child confounds our expectations daily.

All those child-wearing advocates say it does wonders for your kid to be held and carried, but they what they don’t tell you is that you’ll end up with a back like Quasimodo at the end of the day!

Claire is very fretful and needy the past couple of days because of the teething. She won’t nap longer than 30 minutes at a time, whether she is held in the rocker, worn in the wrap, or put in the swing. And if I lay her down on a play mat and go away but remain in her eyesight, she will tolerate it very briefly before breaking down in chest-heaving sobs. As soon as I return she holds her arms open to be picked up. Then she puts her head against my shoulder.

I’m not complaining (not much, anyway). The past couple of days I have felt such sweetness wearing her against my belly. I savor how she falls asleep while I hum lullabies and how her little head rests on my chest. I just wish I’d done Pilates or something to build up my core strength.

Claire wouldn’t consent to being carried face inward until recently (like the past week or so). Now that she can hold her head up, she can look around. Formerly, when she couldn’t hold her head up, she’d get mad about it, so I’d hold her facing outward.

Since she is teething and wants to be held a lot, I thought I’d try my Moby wrap again to spare my arms. She liked it! At the moment she is asleep in it. I’m sitting at the dining table with the laptop, typing with both hands, whoot!