Category Archives: Humanities

Integration

From January 2002 to August 2003, I kept a personal weblog that consisted of an amalgam of topics: notations about my mundane daily life, deep explorations of existential questions, self-revelation (journal therapy), and links to items of interest to me that I wanted to share.

I learned with some difficulty the danger of a) writing about people with whom I have relationship and my thoughts and feelings about them, and b) inviting those people to read the blog. They don’t mix. So I worked on shaping my public “voice” in blogging and took pains to use pseudonyms when speaking of people.

When I opened my private therapy practice, I acted on the advice of a friend, a successful businessman, who suggested that potential clients finding my personal blog before my business page might become confused. Thus A Mindful Life was born: a weblog that provided resources and ideas for living and kept personal writing to a minimum.

Simultaneously, I created an alter-ego blog under a pseudonym, in which I wrote about my crappy day, or how I accidentally laundered my cell phone, or my excitement about getting a new job. It is an informal place — a family den, whereas A Mindful Life is a parlor.

I took pains to share the url only with people in my real life whom I wanted to have access. However, web-savvy relatives with whom I did not share the url found me anyway, and read the blog without my knowledge or permission for almost a year before I found out. I found out in a distressing, backhanded way. Immediately my voice was muffled. That blog is no longer a place to pour it all out; perhaps a blog is not the best venue for deeply personal writing. (Though gods know thousands of people do it.)

For awhile I lived with this divide, but after the blog was rediscovered, I have felt the strain of compartmentalizing. The boundary served a purpose, but does it serve me best at this point? I’m no longer a practicing therapist, though I can’t rule out that I might be in the profession again someday. And yet, a sense of unity appeals, and perhaps this is because my life has enough chaos of late that the fragmentation does more harm than good. I also am weary of having two separate places to show artwork and photography, to keep a list of reading, etc.

I’ve not totally abandoned the other blog nor taken it down. I am going to live over here more for awhile, however, and see how it works. So you might find, interspersed with the poetry and quotes and snippets of articles about spirituality and life, passages about me and my daily life that weren’t here before.

Or you might not. It depends. This is the seduction of blogging: it is so very easy to sit down and write whatever comes to mind. Once a day, or several times a day. It is a medium perfect for brain-dumping and informal flights of thought. However. The drawback is that such writing siphons off material that might be put to better use in other pieces, or if left unwritten might gestate into something else creative. The other drawback is that blogging sometimes replaces communication among individuals, as people in a blogger’s life check the blog to see what’s up, rather than directly correspond or speak.

The immediacy of blogging has proven therapeutic for me. It’s also been a creative outlet, not just with writing, but with coding and formatting the site. However, the questions remain: What is my public voice? What is my intention with this blog, with blogging in general? Can one blog serve multiple needs in me? Is this venue the best use of my gifts?

I don’t know the answer. I love the theme and design of my other blog, just as I love this one. They are my creations. Yet sometimes I wish I had not made this split. Can I consolidate? Should I? I don’t know. We’ll see.

Joy

Kali In An Onion

I heft the white onion in my right hand;
the sunlight slanting through the window
caresses it, brings a glow to this smooth moon.
In my left hand I grasp a knife, blade glinting;
as homage to mother Kali, I split the globe.
Peeling off the outer layer, a husk of secrets;
vulnerable, the cloven orb rests passively.
Again I lift the knife, slicing, chopping,
breaking integrity of form into mosaic
pieces, a small supernova of pungency.
My eyes weep, observing the demise of
unity, while my heart trills with joy.

All Writing

All writing contains memoir and of course the more you strive to hide it inside of fictional constructs, the more apparent it often becomes. Writers are like shoppers. We go through life putting things in the basket. How jasmine smells in the rain, how a lover’s face looks upon us when we first awake, what a child’s hand feels like in ours, how humans part from each other and how pain feels. We notate the odd philosophies we hear, remember the phrases that identify people from this or that sphere of life and connect the stray dots with fanciful lines we make from all the things in the basket. Unless we’re writing science fiction or fantasy, we’re not making up anything new, we’re just ordering it all differently for you. We can’t do anything else. What most writers do, I presume, is to take bits and pieces of the reality they’ve lived and seen and read about and observed in others and weave a new set of circumstances around it.

Catherine Jamieson

[via Fatshadow]

Both The Living And The Dead

“In the other world” means in a world which is veiled from our eyes, our physical eyes; but it does not mean a world far away from us, beyond our reach. Both the living and the dead inhabit the same space; we all live together. Only a veil separates us, the veil of this physical body. Separation means being unable to see one another. There is no other separation.

–Hazrat Pir-o-Murshid `Inayat Khan
From: A Meditation Theme for Each Day
Selected and arranged by Hazrat Pir Vilayat `Inayat Khan

What Do You Think Will Happen?

if you can’t go to sleep
my dear soul
for tonight
what do you think will happen

if you pass your night
and merge it with dawn
for the sake of heart
what do you think will happen

if the entire world
is covered with the blossoms
you have labored to plant
what do you think will happen

if the elixir of life
that has been hidden in the dark
fills the desert and towns
what do you think will happen

if because of
your generosity and love
a few humans find their lives
what do you think will happen

if you pour an entire jar
filled with joyous wine
on the head of those already drunk
what do you think will happen

go my friend
bestow your love
even on your enemies
if you touch their hearts
what do you think will happen

— Rumi, Ghazal 838
Translation by Nader Khalili
“Rumi, Fountain of Fire” Burning Gate Press, 1992

God’s Presence

God’s presence is there in front of me – a fire on the left,
a lovely stream on the right.
One group walks toward the fire, into the fire, another
toward the sweet flowing water.
No one knows which are blessed and which not.
Whoever walks into the fire appears suddenly in the stream.

And then a head goes under on the water surface, that head
pokes out of the fire.
Most people guard against going into the fire,
and so end up in it.
Those who love the water of pleasure and make it their devotion
are cheated with this reversal.
The trickery goes further.
The voice of the fire tells the truth saying, “I am not fire.
I am fountainhead. Come into me and don’t mind the sparks.”

–Rumi

Wow, You’re Pronoid!

No, that’s not a misspelling. I suspect (ha!) that we all may have some experience with the sensation of paranoia — the feeling of being under seige and scrutinized which leads one to be wary about the motives of others. At its extreme, it can result in — or at least be indicative of — psychosis.

So I got to wondering if there was an opposite concept. Lo and behold, there is! According to Turns of Phrase:

Pronoia is the suspicion that the universe is a conspiracy on your behalf, the opposite of the popular sense of paranoia. It seems to have been invented by the sociologist Fred Goldner in an article in Social Problems in 1994, in which he defined it as “the delusion that others think well of one”, the unreasoning belief that your superiors think you are indispensable, that your colleagues adore you, and that you are doing brilliantly in your work. He was warning against the dangers of the rose-tinted view, in which an over-positive view of oneself and the world around one can lead to fatal mistakes. It was soon taken up by the short-lived group called the ZIPPies (the Zen Inspired Pronoia Pagans) invented by a London club promoter named Fraser Clark. The word has a small continuing niche, though its adjective pronoid is less common.

The Pronoia site contests this perspective with:

It was brought to our attention several years ago, via e-mail by Mr. Fred H. Golder, that he believes HE in fact deserves credit for the revival of the word Pronoia in 1982. To his point, Pronoia.net offers a taste of his serious academic paper here. Writing at Queens College in October 1982 (in SOCIAL PROBLEMS,V.30,N.1:82-91), Mr. Golder summarizes:

Pronoia is the positive counterpart of paranoia. It is the delusion that others think well of one. Actions and the products of one’s efforts are thought to be well received and praised by others. Mere acquaintances are thought to be close friends; politeness and the exchange of pleasantries are taken as expressions of deep attachment and the promise of future support. Pronoia appears rooted in the social complexity and cultural ambiguity of our lives: we have become increasingly dependent on the opinions of others based on uncertain criteria.

Our response: Well, maybe feelings of pronoia are always just a ‘delusion’… or maybe Mr. Golder just hasn’t gotten the vibe? 🙂 Seriously, it seems to us as if this pop-psych definition of the word Pronoia holds up a dysfunctional and delusional minority to a scientific zoom lense, and reports the view as if it were an accurate representation of the larger youth phenomenon. Pronoia.net disagrees with this basic premise.

Any way you look at it, the concept is interesting. In the coming week, explore the Pronoia site and consider whether or not you agree with its premise. You might also want to pop in at the Creativity Cafe. Are there times in your life when you have experienced a sense of flow, of “things falling into place” for you? If you want inspiration as you ponder, try out Pronoia Therapy: The First 13 Steps.

Why We Have Heroes

One of my nocturnal meanderings a while back started, as they often do with some ponderance about race. This quickly morphed itself into a question of the function & validity of archetypes, then settled in, at last, to an issue of heroes.

The societal pathology of the frequently undeserved elevation of a person into an icon based on some achievement only remarkable by the standards of a spiritually bankrupt culture’s pop-mentality.

It finally hit though. We need heroes, we need icons. Because we need a guiding light to motivate ourselves toward our ideal “I.”

Toward being in love with our reflection every time we see it.

This is the function of Buddha, or Yeshua, or Abraxas; a Godhead to illuminate. A Godhead to Illuminate us.

…Life is a complicated matter. We can run propaganda wars over the introduction of Ebonics as an accepted dialect. We can shoot one another over shoes. We can bomb one another over the dinosaur remains which run our cars. We can invent theories over the demise of a celebrity who brought some joy or perspective to us through their violent, unstable lives.

Or we can recognize that the light shining from the words and thoughts of our heroes is nothing more than a well articulated expression of our own light.

We can remember that we’ve spent far too long mistaking the reflection for something separate from us.

His Holiness

[via Nomen Est Numen]

With Good Grace

A friend recently wrote to me and one thing she said struck me as true:

It was my mother’s belief that if you cared about someone, really loved them, then you didn’t ask unreasonable things of them, and you accepted their lives with good grace. Meaning that if you invited them to a party and they said no, you didn’t ask why, and you didn’t demand, and you didn’t hold a grudge. You didn’t make someone prove they cared about you too. That’s what trust is, isn’t it? I think that if you have to ask these questions, then you don’t have faith in that person, and if you have faith, you know that they have their reasons and they can still care about you too. That make any sense?

Yes, it does make sense. I only wish more people could understand this.

Everything It’s Cracked Up To Be

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it …. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk everything, you risk even more. Life doesn’t leave that many choices.”

–Erica Jong

[via Fatshadow]

Spring Cleaning

Believe it or not, spring begins this month. For some that may seem like a frozen dream, hopelessly remote. For others, it means flowers will be a-bloom in a couple weeks.

This is the time of year to clean out the cobwebs and detritus that accumulated over the past year. Especially consider the symbolism of particularly cluttered areas of your home. Is your desk messy? Reflect on how organized and purposeful your thinking is these days. What about your kitchen? Are you cooking less often due to an overrun of devices you never use? Or maybe your cookbooks need to be dusted off so you can play again with food. Or the bathroom? Perhaps you’d spend more pampering time in there if it were clean. Are you avoiding yourself? Oh, and let’s not overlook the closets or garage. These are big, and there’s no need to do it all. Pick one closet or a corner of the garage; look at what’s there. What do you need? What haven’t you used in months or years, so that you forgot it was even there? Maybe it’s time to donate some stuff. How about the junk drawer? Almost everyone has at least one drawer in their kitchen, office or bedroom where they stuff miscellaneous doodads. Have you looked there in awhile? Go explore what’s inside.

Some of what you discover might surprise you. There may be memories attached. It could have been a gift, or a souvenir. Or something broken you never got around to fixing. It could be an item of clothing that no longer fits, but that you hold on to for sentimental reasons, or in hope to fit into it again, or whatnot. Could you recycle it into a project?

This is an excavation. Rediscover yourself. As you do this, also consider the season — a process of reawakening. What part of you needs resurrection, recycling, regeneration?