This statue is 4″ tall and made from polymer clay with acrylic paint and embellishment. I really enjoyed making this. Several hours just disappeared into pure pleasure.
I bet you can’t guess what’s on my mind these days!
This is for my altar.
This is a shout-out to my friend, Mapelba, who is participating in NaNoWriMo for the third year in a row. As of November 21, she has written 67,491 words, which exceeds the 50,000 word goal. I’m amazed, truly, that people can conjure stories out of the ether. I’ve read one of Mapelba’s manuscripts and could not put it down. Her first chapter for this year also grabbed me from the start. Way to go, woman!
I attended my last tutor training session today. We shared our experiences meeting with our learners and discussed ways we can proceed. In the process we learned that one of the program directors recently created a weblog, though she’s unfamiliar with the technology. It’s an infant blog right now, but it has potential. I spoke up and said I’d be interested in helping to develop it, write posts, increase readership, etc. This is my first “plug” to launch the blog. It’s regionally focused, but the intention is to make it relevant to anyone interested in literacy issues.
This is a photo of graves in the national cemetery in Bath, New York. I took it last year in September when I went to visit my folks.
These veterans are lined up in death as they were in service, except for headstones that stand at attention on their behalf. My paternal grandfather is a veteran who died in World War II. I wrote about him last year, and it’s worth a reprise. Please do read it, if you didn’t last year. In this way he will be remembered just a little bit longer.
Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.
–Søren Kierkegaard
Barely
She was a mouse in the thicket,
a hidden operative gathering intelligence.
She was a spider in a wall,
weaving darkness, hunting blind.
She was a fish flipping through deep water,
a sun-flash shimmering.
Wherever she went, whoever she was,
she was barely there.
Is death so fearsome that it must be undone? Is this life so poor a thing? Is not eternity somewhat too long?
–Verlyn Klinkenborg
If you love to read, and if you love not having to spend money to read books, then visit WorldCat Beta. It’s the world’s largest library network. If you search for a book, it will tell you what libraries near you have it. This saves the effort of having to look in each library’s online catalog. You click on the book in the WorldCat list and it takes you directly to the library’s online catalog. This works for music, videos, and articles as well. The entire world of books is at your fingertips.
The World Doesn’t Want to be Saved.
The world is a teeming mishmash of cultures with a bewildering array of values and ideologies engaged in their own version of the good life. People are generally not interested in changing the metaphors through which they view the world, so real understanding between groups with conflicting viewpoints is not achievable in the short term. The good news is, that’s OK, because the world isn’t supposed to be saved on a global scale. It must be saved at the level of the individual. And despite the fact that the level of the individual appears to be statistically insignificant, it is in fact the most significant, because it is only at the level of the individual that a creative synthesis of conflicting metaphors can occur. Once a connection is made at the individual level, the process of spreading successful new metaphors throughout society is essential automatic if the society is ready for them. If the society is not ready, the new metaphors will not be accepted under any circumstances. So don’t beat you head on a rock. Solve your own interpersonal communication problems. If the world is ready to benefit from your solutions, you will not be able to stop it from using them.
Just some food for thought. What are the metaphors we use? Read on.
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My horoscope from Rob Breszny.
Is your schedule too rigid to allow magic to seep in? Then mutate that schedule, please. Is your brain so crammed with knowledgeable opinions that no fresh perceptions can crack their way in? Then flush out some of those opinions. Is your heart so puckered by the stings of the past that it can’t burst forth with any expansive new invitations? Then unpucker your heart, for God’s sake.
I’ve been feeling mighty puckered of late. It nags me, this awareness that I’m not kind inside my head. I mean this — I really, truly have a nasty, gnarly, judgmental, denigrating, callous aspect that is far more vocal than I would like. A couple of other statements caught my attention that I wish to enlarge, print, and plaster where I will see it. One I found at Jack’s Zen blog.
The three marks of an awakened life are presence, happiness, and kindness.
I agree that these are some of the marks. I also believe that happiness follows from kindness. My unkind thoughts indicate I’m not so happy and increase my unhappiness. One way to alter this is the consciously practice redirection of thought. Consciously regarding people with compassion lightens my soul, which nurtures happiness. Usually, when I am not present, I am thinking about an annoyance in the past, a worry about the future, or some other abstract construct about what life and people should or should not be.
Another passage caught my eye; it’s in the “about me” section of a blog that’s new to me, True and Useful.
I once read in a Buddhist text that we should aspire to speak only what is true and useful. Of course, what is true and useful for some might seem dishonest or of no value to others. Still, it seems worth the effort to pass our never-ending stream of thoughts through a true and useful filter before expressing them as spoken words.
And what if we apply this filter not only to what we speak but also to what we hear and read? How much of the information that bombards us daily is both true and useful? Does much of it seem either true but of dubious value or appear to be helpful but turn out to be false?
Fortunately, I do manage to apply a filter to my speech much of the time. I’ll give myself props for that. However, what I’d really like is to avoid manufacturing those thoughts completely. Also, I think applying this filter to what one absorbs is a worthy idea.
Back to Free Will Astrology. Breszny followed the horoscope with a “sacred advertisement,” and I rather enjoyed it. The ones that intrigued or resonated most are bold.
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Comfort: coming home after dark and settling onto the couch to the feel of warmth that was created by sleeping cats.
Anticipation: wandering through the library book stacks knowing that every single one is mine to borrow and read, thousands and thousands of potential journeys.
Joy: singing silly songs, telling puns, and generally being weird with Husband in a way that only he is privileged to know, and making him laugh.
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Night arrives fully by 7:00 p.m. these days. Dawn is gray and cool, sometimes foggy here in the South Bay. We’ve turned the corner of a season. This change is gradual, but there is always one day in each season that the realization is palpable and prominent to me.
***
In the next week or so I’ll get a blood test that will assess my hormone levels (FSH, Estradiol). On October 18 we’ll visit the doctor to discuss whatever the results are. What we decide to do will be based on this and further conversations between us, so there’s no more to say on that topic at the moment.
I’ve been feeling sad about my imminent departure from the agency. Three of my four fellow AmeriCorps are renewing, and four new AmeriCorps have been hired (the team increased from five to seven). Soon I will be training my replacement and letting go of my tasks and duties. I’ll cherish the relaxation that follows, but I’m also anxious about becoming bored and lonely. Without a schedule or purpose, without being required by someone somewhere, I tend to get lost in my head. The more alone I am the more unsocial I feel as well as lonely, and then my lethargy increases. This is not the life I want.
I recently had an epiphany about my direction after the service term ends October 31. You see, all my life I’ve felt plagued by the fact that I’m interested in so much and want to advance so many causes. It really has made it difficult for me to define and articulate what I want to do and to search for work. And there were many times that I took work I didn’t want because I just needed an income. Eventually I clarified my goals and became a psychotherapist, but the move to California required sacrificing this.
My year at Hands On Bay Area has given me connections, and it also created my little epiphany, which is this:
The overarching theme throughout my life, the one thread of interest woven through the years, is a devotion to formal and informal education – primarily reading, writing, and soaking up knowledge. The causes I donate the most money to are literacy and libraries. I’m a seeker and an information hound. I am pained to know that so many people do not find pleasure in reading. The average adult native English speaker reads at the sixth grade level. Non-native English speakers average at the fourth grade level. While these next words may seem extreme (it’s an indicator of the passion I feel), I would dare to say that learning – in all its facets, with all it entails – is the most important human pursuit after survival needs are met (note: I consider affectional bonds part of survival). I want my next phase employment to be in the education sector. (My Dad would be proud.)
Even as stated, this is still a broad canvas. It could mean a job in a government education office creating policy, work in a social service agency providing job search or computer training, being a teacher’s aid in an elementary school, working for a public library. But the bottom line, for me, is that I want to devote my efforts to igniting curiosity, promoting creative and critical thinking, and helping people to acquire that most essential key to success, literacy. If I’m lucky, I’ll inspire a passion for reading as well. As I ponder this more, I feel I will want to work in direct service rather than administration. I don’t want to become a school teacher, which requires yet more costly education. There are other ways to promote the life of the mind, and I intend to find them.
As much as my kids tested me to the limit when I worked as an education coach in an after school program, I adored them too. As a treat I read aloud The Phantom Tollbooth (and gave each student a copy as a reward for trying). Whenever I finished a chapter, I was bathed in a chorus of, “Read more, teacher! Please read us some more!” It made me happy to give this pleasure, and I felt sad knowing how uncommon an experience this was for them.
How does this coincide with the efforts to start a family? Well, at the very least I can explore volunteering at several non-profits. So far what has caught my attention are a read-to-children volunteer program at San Jose Public Library, and conversation ESL group work through the Santa Clara City Library. I may also become a literacy tutor. Lastly, Hands On Bay Area offers several projects that contribute to literacy: ESL conversation, organizing a children’s library, story hour with kids at a library. There’s a way to keep my hand in the game. Out of this, perhaps a job will arise. Meanwhile we’ll keep exploring the fertility/family planning issues.
Here’s another way I can keep myself engaged with life. I recently attended service at the Palo Alto UU Church and liked it. I’ve been on their community mailing list for over a year. When the call came to help by baking cookies for The Opportunity Center, I eagerly answered. There are many needs that I could assist with in the church. They also don’t have a program that I would be interested in developing (offered at other churches) – a lay listening ministry. Also (but wait, there’s more!), one of the adult religious education classes starting soon caught my attention, and I decided to register*. I feel ready to delve into this community.
*Class description follows: Continue reading
Both the faithful and the atheists need to keep in mind the difference between belief and certainty. It is possible to believe there is a God or that no deity exists, but this is not the same as being certain. There is much about the origin and scope of the universe that we may never know for certain. I have no problem with any religion as long as it remains about belief rather than absolute certainty. Belief is compatible with respect and tolerance for other beliefs. Certainty is an arrogance that leads to intolerance, disrespect and, all too often, terror and war.
–Ray Sachs, Newsweek: Letters
I haven’t felt much like writing or web surfing. The days, as usual, have been busy.
First off: I’m looking for a therapist within 15 miles (in any direction) of Santa Clara. Do you know of one (LMFT, Psychologist) you’d recommend?
I’ve been seized by a desire to clear out my closets of clothing I haven’t worn for 7-10 years and never will again, since they don’t fit. Goodwill has been nearly a daily stop.
This left a void in my closet. I decided my short, fat body deserves nice clothes. I am now the happy owner of seven pairs of new pants (jeans and dressy), two dozen shirts (I got carried away), cool socks (more than I care to admit), lingerie, two cardigans, and several lacy, feminine nighties. I’ve tried to be budget conscious as I’ve hit Walmart, Kohl’s, Mervyn’s, Target, Lane Bryant, Macy’s, Nordstrom, and Sears. (Whew! Yes, did go to all those stores in one week.) Now I simply need the cool weather to arrive! With today’s high being 91F I don’t know when that will be.
This is what I’ve been up to:
Now pardon me, I have another rental movie to watch: Road to Perdition.
Lighter than flesh, the soul is the glow of us.
The soul is the particular glow that the genes make when they make.
It’s the soul that stands the body up and gets it moving forward.
Every body’s soul is on a journey.–Dennis Downey, We Never Go Away
Thanks to Fran for leading me to his thoughtful words. Like Fran, I recommend you read the entire piece, but moreover, listen to the recording. His voice is distinctive and is part of the meaning.