Category Archives: Education

Loving the Expanse

Karen at Cheerio Road has a neat post today about the Zen bookshelf. She mentions Rainer Maria Rilke’s book, Letters to a Young Poet. I haven’t read it entirely, but two of the readings at my wedding were from it. They captured what Husband and I discerned is the essence of marriage and what we commit to.

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as whole and before an immense sky. …To love is also good, for love is difficult. For one human being to love another is perhaps the most difficult task of all, the epitome, the ultimate test. It is that striving for which all other striving is merely preparation.

Love is a high inducement for individuals to ripen, to strive to mature in the inner self, to manifest maturity in the outer world, to become that manifestation for the sake of another. And this more human love will be consummated, endlessly considerate and gentle, good and clear in its bonding and releasing; it shall resemble that love for which we must prepare painstakingly and with fervor, which will be comprised of two solitudes protecting and touching and greeting each other.

–Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Forward Motion

Action feels good to me. I realize control of externals (the world, other people) is an illusion, but I can direct my own intentions and behavior.

Friday morning I awoke after admittedly too little sleep, still feeling on the verge of tears, but also feeling less hopeless. (Please note: I think there’s a difference between feeling less hopeless and more hopeful. By the end of the day I felt more hopeful.) I proceeded to act on several fronts. I called my doctor and left a message. Husband had gotten up with The Bean (one of our many nicknames) and experienced how she is in the morning: Alert! Alert! Alert! He wasn’t exactly tuckered out, but it did make him start researching portable swings.

Shortly after noon we got out. We went to Target and purchased a portable swing. She loves the one we have so much; it’s a monster size and not easily moveable in our multi-level home. Plus we figured it would help when we go see friends. Since my aunt and uncle recently sent a money order baby gift, we decided to splurge. We also stocked up on more binkies and diapers. At home Husband assembled the swing and tried it, and The Bean responded positively and immediately.

Then we went to Purlescence, where Sandi and Nathania helped fit me with the Infantino sling for carrying Bean. It’s not an ideal sling, but it will do until I find another that fits my short torso.

After the yarn store, we went to Borders, where I purchased The Happiest Baby on the Block. The book offers strategies for calming crying called the 5 S’s, three of which we’ve been using:

  • Swaddling: wrapping tightly in a blanket because upset babies flail their limbs which contributes to a sense of vulnerability.
  • Side/Stomach: upset babies feel more insecure on their backs, but holding them on their side or stomach short circuits the Moro reflex that panics them. This is not used for sleep but in the process of calming.
  • Ssshhhing: replicating the white noise sounds baby heard in utero.
  • Swinging: jiggling baby on your lap, using a swing.
  • Sucking: offering a breast, finger, or pacifier for calming.

The book also has a lot of interesting tips, such as the need to meet baby at her level of vigor. For instance, if she’s hysterical, the Shhhing sound needs to be louder at first so she can hear it and become calmer. I tried it last night, and it worked.

I joined a Las Madres play group for babies born in 2007 and live in Santa Clara. I just need to find out when and where the group meets.

I’ve also recognized that I need to find a way to alleviate my physical response to Bean’s crying. I’m hard-wired to respond to my baby, but I’ve been surprised at how anxious the crying makes me, and at the physical discomfort I feel. It’s hard to describe. But then I remembered something. I was eight when my brother was born, and I remember for the first couple of years of his life, when he would cry, I would cry — not every time, but often. When he was born, I felt eager and proud to be a big sister, and I vowed (to myself) to protect him from bad things and bullies — a tall order for a petite girl who herself was often bullied by other kids. I adored my little brother. Even now, when I look at photos of him as a kid, my heart clenches at his cuteness. (Sorry if I’m embarrassing you, T.)

Also when I was a child, upon seeing babies in public I felt a rush of love that felt like heartache; I would say a prayer that they never be hurt by a harsh word or act. I realize now that I was projecting my own wishes for myself as well. I just felt so intensely. In my adolescence and early adulthood I toughened myself to the point where I felt negatively toward children and the idea of having them — this was overcompensation. Sometime in my thirties that part of me healed to the degree that it could, and now as a mother, I’m approaching it from a new angle.

(Of course, I wasn’t an ideal sister. When I was a teen, I didn’t play Mousetrap with him as often as he asked, and I considered him a pest sometimes. I also treated him crappily on occasion. I remember one time: I was 19 and still at home, going to community college. He was 11, and we had a fight before he left for school that morning. I did something I should not have, and he ran out of the house screaming I hate you!. I spent the rest of the day on the campus skipping my classes and crying, agonizing over what I’d done and certain that I’d be a horrible, abusive mother. Eventually I forgave myself, but I haven’t forgotten, although my brother probably has.)

So anyway, I’ve concluded that I may simply be acutely sensitive to crying sounds. Last night I used earplugs to take the edge off. I could still hear Bean very well; the plugs muffled just enough of the sound to make her crying bearable. (An aside: Bean also seems to have incredible hearing and we joke that it’s her superpower. She startles and flinches at sounds that aren’t very loud, like someone in the room coughing once. I don’t want to read into this and assume she will have the same sensitivity, but we noticed this reflex within the first day of her life.)

By the end of the day, I felt considerably more solid and brighter. My OB called in the evening and we had a long chat. She provided me with a couple of referrals for support groups. We discussed my medicine dosage and decided that if in a week or two my efforts at social support weren’t enough, we would increase one of them. We agreed what is crucial is that I not isolate. Husband is willing to help with this in whatever way I need. It was also gratifying to hear her tell me I’m a dream patient in this regard, because I’m aware and proactive and willing to take steps.

It also helped that people left such supportive comments, and that my mother-in-law and mom called. I also heard from my siblings. This evening we’ll see our good friends who are Bean’s godparents (for lack of a better term). Intellectually I understand the positive comments and know I’m being a good parent; my task is to internalize it in my core, and this takes time and repetition, as well as acceptance (of this as the truth, of my vulnerability, of the fact that this just is).

One observation was made that I’m flagging for myself. It was pointed out that writing on the blog, while it helps me, may also be risky. I’m in a different role now as a parent. There are people in the world who don’t understand depression, who are judgmental and self-righteous, and (I’m stealing this person’s words) who may feel justified in taking statements out of context and blowing them out of proportion because there’s a child involved. That’s true. It could happen. So I need to be mindful of what and how I write here.

I would like to think that by writing honestly, it helps not only me, but other readers who feel alone in what they experience. I know that my blog presents me in a certain way: as accomplished, multi-faceted, and many other positive things, and that it can be validating for someone to read how even such a “together” person can also struggle. Sharing the ugly helps dispel either/or thinking: you’re either a good mother or a bad one, you’re either professionally successful or a failure, etc. The road to wholeness is understanding that life is more than either/or, it is both/and. Yet I need to protect myself and my family as well. I don’t know exactly what this means in terms of what I share here, but I’m heedful.

Onward…

Chop Wood, Carry Water: A Mother’s Spiritual Practice

There is no right way. There is always a right now way.

I’m thinking of my mother’s life work (mothering four children) as I watch this and as I imagine what path I will soon travel. Karen’s book, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, is a small treasure — accessible, handy, and valuable. I have wanted to attend one of her talks but my schedule didn’t accommodate that. It’s a pleasure to see and hear her. You can read her too, at Cheerio Road.

The video is also at this link.

A Nifty Tool

Ever since Husband and I decided to curtail spending, especially book purchases, I’ve been using WorldCat. WorldCat is the world’s largest network of library contents and services. Look at the treasures available:

You can search for popular books, music CDs and videos — all of the physical items you’re used to getting from libraries. You can also discover many new kinds of digital content, such as downloadable audiobooks. You may also find article citations with links to their full text; authoritative research materials, such as documents and photos of local or historic significance; and digital versions of rare items that aren’t available to the public. Because WorldCat libraries serve diverse communities in dozens of countries, resources are available in many languages.

I use this site to look up a book title I’m interested in and to see what libraries around my zip code have them. This spares me the effort of having to go to each library’s website and look the book up on their catalog (and it saves me time and gas by not having to go to the libraries directly). When I find the item I want on the list, I can find out if it’s sitting on the shelf or circulating.

I like WorldCat so much that I’m going to install a search box in my sidebar under the list of books I’m currently reading, so that if you learn of a title I mention here, you can easily look it up to see if you can get it from your local library. If your local library doesn’t have it, you can often get the book via Interlibrary Loan. (When I mention books here, I usually link to Amazon since it provides an attractive user interface.)


Search for an item in libraries near you:
WorldCat.org >>

Being Friendly Doesn’t Hurt

Another one for the library and Amazon wishlist: I Sold My Soul on eBay, by Hemant Mehta.

When Hemant Mehta was a teenager he stopped believing in God, but he never lost his interest in religion. Mehta is “the eBay atheist,” the nonbeliever who auctioned off the opportunity for the winning bidder to send him to church. The auction winner was Jim Henderson, a former pastor and author of Evangelism Without Additives. Since then, Mehta has visited a variety of church services — posting his insightful critiques on the Internet and spawning a positive, ongoing dialogue between atheists and believers.

I Sold My Soul on eBay tells how and why Mehta became an atheist and features his latest church critiques, including descriptions of his visits to some of the best-known churches in the country. His observations will surprise and challenge you, revealing how the church comes across to those outside the faith. Who better than a nonbeliever to offer an eye-opening assessment of how the gospel is being presented — and the elements that enhance or detract from the presentation.

Mehta announced prior to his churchgoing odyssey that he would watch for any signs of God’s existence. After spending Sunday mornings in some of the nation’s leading churches, what happened to the man who sold his soul on eBay? Did attending church change his lack of belief? The answers can be found inside.

–Amazon.com Book Description

I was led to this book from a contemplative post at Dale McGowan’s Meming of Life blog. Dale basically takes the adage “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar” and considers how atheists and agnostics might apply that wisdom to their interactions with people who are religious. The post also contains an interview with Mehta, an atheist who also holds to the above adage. I plan to check out Mehta’s blog too, called The Friendly Atheist.

A Daunting Problem

No wonder we’re importing dangerous and potentially lethal products from China. Consider how Chinese citizens live.

Environmental woes that might be considered catastrophic in some countries can seem commonplace in China: industrial cities where people rarely see the sun; children killed or sickened by lead poisoning or other types of local pollution; a coastline so swamped by algal red tides that large sections of the ocean no longer sustain marine life.

–Joseph Kahn and Jim Yardley, New York Times

The article mentions that the leading cause of death in China is cancer from pollution, and that almost half a billion people have no safe drinking water. Only 1 percent of the 560 million city dwellers breathe air considered safe.

The article explores the juggernaut of China’s economic progress and the massive use of polluting natural resources (such as coal) that drives it, and how the Communist government is vulnerable to social backlash because people are suffering horribly. The article provides some interesting if grim statistics about the impact of environmental degradation on human life and on the stability of China’s government and economy. In a country so populous, it seems that all forms of life are considered expendable.

Here’s the entire article: As China Roars, Pollution Reaches Deadly Extremes, by Joseph Kahn and Jim Yardley

We are all inextricably linked to this and directly contribute to the problem, because we purchase items produced in China. Yet it seems impossible to avoid Chinese-made goods. I look on packaging to see where an item is made and usually only see that it’s “distributed by” an American company. What can we do to protect ourselves? What will we do? And can that have any impact whatsoever on the quality of life in China?

Reading

I’m especially pleased that I was selected to read and review an advance copy of first novel Gifted: A Novel, by Nikita Lalwani. It was my first choice of all the books offered. You see, LibraryThing has created an Early Reviewers group in conjunction with Random House. How can I say no to a free book?

It should make a pleasant change of reading pace from a book I’ve been devouring today, which is Birth: The Surprising History of How We are Born. It’s excellent if slightly traumatic reading about the history of midwifery and obstetrics, tools and fads, cultural differences toward women and birth, and occasionally gruesome details about what women have endured (and still do in many parts of the world). Some might say I’m dotty to read it at this time, but really I find it fascinating. And it inspires my gratitude that I’ve found a doctor and hospital birthing center that I feel confident about. (I’m also scared of this great unknown event that will happen too. Yet I’m focusing more on the excitement of it. Just wanted to come clean, though.)

To round out the the subject matter, I also began reading What Are Old People For?: How Elders Will Save the World. As a middle-aged mom-to-be, I’m no longer young, but I’m not old — it’s an interesting life stage. I’m often disbelieved when I tell people my real age, because (they say) I look so much younger! And I don’t act old! What is “old” supposed to act like? I tire of this “amazement,” which really isn’t flattery. It’s ageism. I notice it in myself, too, this tendency to look at a woman my age who might have more wrinkles than I, and to judge negatively. Other times I’ve caught myself simply not seeing (I mean, really looking and registering) and older person (in a grocery store line, perhaps). Perhaps this book will tweak my perceptions.

The Business of Living and Dying

It’s been a rather sober week so far. It’s not that I’m superstitious and worry that talking about mortality will somehow invite it. It’s just that…

Monday involved a long discussion about life insurance and how to start a savings program for our daughter’s college education someday. The insurance part involves discussion of how much one’s life is “worth” and future inflation so that enough insurance is purchased to provide for the survivors. It’s not a concept we are accustomed to pondering. And then there’s the fact that we need to figure out how to pay the premium, which is sizable. Shopping around has proven that the premiums are in the same range regardless of the company; the payments break down to a large monthly sum that doesn’t fit our current budget. Decisions, decisions. The educational vehicle most often recommended is a 529, but this restricts the money to educational purposes only, so we need to explore other options as well. By the end of the meeting my head hurt.

Tuesday we met with a lawyer to discuss estate planning, trusts, and wills. We’ve established guardianship for our daughter if Husband and I die simultaneously. But until the lawyer asked us, we’d never thought about how we want to divvy up our estate if we have more than one child and they have grandchildren, and one of our children dies, do the children of our dead child (our grandchildren) get a her/his share? Or what if one of us dies and the other is left alive but incapable of managing daily affairs (due to Alzheimer’s for example): who do we designate to manage our financial resources? These questions do not ordinarily star in my daily thought show.

Then there’s the health care power of attorney; I’m a believer in making one’s wishes known in case one is ever in a vegetative state. It’s a good idea to make clear if one wants all measures taken to stay alive, or if the idea of living indefinitely on machines isn’t acceptable. Beyond this is the question of whom one designates to enforce these wishes. The spouse is an obvious choice, of course. Yes, but if the spouse is unavailable for whatever reason, one needs to have a second and third choice person designated. It’s all very hypothetical and surreal to discuss these future beings and events, but at the same time, since death is an eventual fact (at least I hope it’s very eventual), it’s like having coffee with the grim reaper. It’s unsettling.

Today’s business is about trying to understand the terms of a recent legal agreement we have come to regarding some personal business. Legalese can be vague, and after reading the agreement I have numerous questions about how we’ll carry out the practicalities of the agreement. It makes my head spin.

Further, today involves trying to extract an answer from our health insurance why we were billed out-of-network for a doctor we never saw and when we went to an in-network facility for the service. (This was for the amniocentesis in March.) Each time I call I get a non-answer and come away understanding nothing. And of course I was a knucklehead and paid the bill (sent separately by the doctor) when it arrived months ago, so we’re out that money. The likelihood of getting it back is close to nil.

I also inquired about the coverage for an epidural, since we’ve been told insurance companies sometimes have exceptions. The rep I spoke with read the policy and nothing was explicitly stated about it. The strongest conclusion she could come to is that it’s “probably among the usual and customary services/charges” and thus covered. Gah. I hate PPO insurance. We switched from an HMO on January 1 (which we had to enroll in mid-November before we got pregnant) because we thought we’d be doing in vitro treatment and wanted to use a recommended doctor not on our old plan. Then we got pregnant (yay!) but have been getting bills every month for services. We haven’t changed doctors or the medical group at all! It’s just now we’ve got a different financial arrangement and we see bills for services when we never did before. It’s adding up. I’m sure even our 10% portion of the birth hospital bill will be daunting. We’ll be switching back to the HMO at the next open enrollment cycle.

All of this is a tad overwhelming, and tears overflow because I’m full up already with Big Things going on. This hasn’t led to a desire to write much. I’ll be perkier once we have these decisions made and the documents and processes established.

An Attempted State of Mind

placid

“Placid” / 7 x 10″ sketch paper with colored pencil

I had no idea what I was going to make when I started. It seems now that it was an attempt at self-soothing or balance. I drew this while watching Eugene Jarecki’s movie, Why We Fight — a provocative, disturbing, multifaceted analysis of the U.S. military-industrial complex. There’s an interview with Jarecki via the link that will summarize the documentary better than I can. I learned that the term “military-industrial complex” was coined by Republican President Dwight Eisenhower in his 1961 farewell address to Americans. His warning, it seems, went unheeded.

Until the latest of our world conflicts, the United States had no armaments industry. American makers of plowshares could, with time and as required, make swords as well. But now we can no longer risk emergency improvisation of national defense; we have been compelled to create a permanent armaments industry of vast proportions. Added to this, three and a half million men and women are directly engaged in the defense establishment. We annually spend on military security more than the net income of all United States corporations.

This conjunction of an immense military establishment and a large arms industry is new in the American experience. The total influence — economic, political, even spiritual — is felt in every city, every state house, every office of the Federal government. We recognize the imperative need for this development. Yet we must not fail to comprehend its grave implications. Our toil, resources and livelihood are all involved; so is the very structure of our society.

In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.

We must never let the weight of this combination endanger our liberties or democratic processes. We should take nothing for granted. Only an alert and knowledgeable citizenry can compel the proper meshing of huge industrial and military machinery of defense with our peaceful methods and goals, so that security and liberty may prosper together.

–Dwight Eisenhower

You can read the entire speech here.

If You Want Explosions

When we lived in Austin, we were outside the city limits, so every July 4 we didn’t have to go anywhere to see fireworks. Our neighbors on either side, along with dozens of others in the subdivision, put on quite a show. They used serious fireworks. The first year it upset us; we worried about our house burning down. We couldn’t fight it though, so we relaxed and enjoyed it. Boys (even man-boys) like the drama of pyrotechnics, so in our last year we actually purchased a few and set them off ourselves. I was very tense about this, and we were very cautious. That was the only time we ever played with fire, so to speak.

With July 4th, there will be a lot of celebrating. If you plan to set off fireworks, I encourage you to explore Bruce’s Bombs, Explosives, and Ordnance Pages. He explains the risks of playing with explosives, especially homemade M-80s and cherry bombs. He provides federal and California legal information which explains how one can go to prison for playing with explosives. If you need visual evidence to convince you, he also provides links to gory photos of victims of explosions (especially hand injuries). (Don’t worry if you click the link, because you won’t immediately see the photos. You can choose to view the ones you think you can tolerate.) I did view them all, and they provide great incentive to be cautious. Bruce’s website is offered as a public service to educate people, especially children, about the risks. He writes:

Most of the people who are injured by explosives are injured because of what they do not know, not by what they do know. Simple fireworks injure more people than high explosives. Each year, more than 10,000 injuries are caused by the use of fireworks in the United States. Seventy percent of those injuries are in children and young adults between the ages of 5 and 24 years. Half of all injuries are incurred in the week of the Fourth of July.

If you want to play with explosions, there are actually summer camps that you can attend where experts guide you. From the New York Times:

A group of high school students stood at the edge of a limestone quarry last month as three air horn blasts warned that something big was about to go boom. Across the quarry, with a roar and a cloud of dust and smoke, a 50-foot-high wall of rock sloughed away with a shudder and a long crashing fall, and 20,000 tons of rock was suddenly on the ground.

—A Summer Camp Where Fireworks Are the Point

The upshot: if you value your health and life, leave the fireworks to experts.

The Produce Basket of the U.S.

I was talking with my sister yesterday about the climate here, and the fact it does not rain (at all) from about April through September/October here. It is bone dry. She mused that there must not be much agriculture grown in the summer, but I assured her otherwise. I got curious about how much produce California supplies to the U.S. and spent a couple hours surfing for information. Below is a smidgen of what I found.

As a result, agriculture accounts for 83 percent of all water used in California.

Heat and Pregnancy Don’t Mix Well

In Santa Clara the temperature reached 93 degrees. I drove south to Morgan Hill to visit a friend. It was 98 there!

The heat of the past two days has shriveled the part of my brain capable of writing and speech. Yesterday I lay down just for a moment and regained consciousness three hours later.

I wish I had something more substantial to share. Instead, you might visit:

Cheerio Road: Karen Mazen Miller, author of Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood, has started a blog. She captures the essence of life in her reflections. I’ve read her book and will treasure it as a meditative resource after my Little One is born.

The Meming of Life: a blog by humanist Dale McGowan, editor of Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion; he’s witty and provocative. I’ve read his book once through and plan to refer to it often as a parent.

Both of these writers and their blogs deserve more articulate praise than I can summon now. I suggest you visit; you won’t be disappointed.

Ten Zen Seconds: An Interview with Eric Maisel

A couple of months ago I was invited to participate in a “blog tour” interviewing Eric Maisel on his latest book. Since I was offered a copy of the book to review and the opportunity to ask a couple of questions tailored to my interests, I decided to join in. (Who can resist a book?) What follows is an introduction to the concepts in Ten Zen Seconds; my questions regarding how these concepts can be utilized during childbirth and in treatment of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder are woven into the interview. Enjoy, and may you find this useful!

What is Ten Zen Seconds all about?

EM: It’s actually a very simple but powerful technique for reducing your stress, getting yourself centered, and reminding yourself about how you want to live your life. It can even serve as a complete cognitive, emotional, and existential self-help program built on the single idea of “dropping a useful thought into a deep breath.”

You use a deep breath, five seconds on the inhale and five seconds on the exhale, as a container for important thoughts that aim you in the right direction in life — I describe twelve of these thoughts in the book — and you begin to employ this breathing-and-thinking technique that I call incanting as the primary way to keep yourself on track.

Where did this idea come from?

EM: It comes from two primary sources, cognitive and positive psychology from the West and breath awareness and mindfulness techniques from the East. I’d been working with creative and performing artists for more than twenty years as a therapist and creativity coach and wanted to find a quick, simple technique that would help them deal with the challenges they regularly face — resistance to creating, performance anxiety, negative self-talk about a lack of talent or a lack of connections, stress over a boring day job or competing in the art marketplace, and so on.

Because I have a background in both Western and Eastern ideas, it began to dawn on me that deep breathing, which is one of the best ways to reduce stress and alter thinking, could be used as a cognitive tool if I found just the right phrases to accompany the deep breathing. This started me on a hunt for the most effective phrases that I could find and eventually I landed on twelve of them that I called incantations, each of which serves a different and important purpose.

What sort of hunt did you go on?

EM: First, I tried to figure out what are the most important tasks that we face as human beings, then I came up with what I hoped were resonant phrases, each of which needed to fit well into a deep breath, then, most importantly — which moved this from the theoretical to the empirical — I tested the phrases out on hundreds of folks who agreed to use them and report back on their experiences. That was great fun and eye-opening!

People used these phrases to center themselves before a dental appointment or surgery, to get ready to have a difficult conversation with a teenage child, to bring joy back to their performing career, to carve out time for creative work in an over-busy day — in hundreds of ways that I couldn’t have anticipated. I think that’s what makes the book rich and special: that, as useful as the method and the incantations are, hearing from real people about how they’ve used them “seals the deal.” I’m not much of a fan of self-help books that come entirely from the author’s head; this one has been tested in the crucible of reality.

Which phrases did you settle on?

EM: The following twelve. I think that folks will intuitively get the point of each one (though some of the incantations, like “I expect nothing,” tend to need a little explaining). Naturally each incantation is explained in detail in the book and there are lots of personal reports, so readers get a good sense of how different people interpret and make use of the incantations. Here are the twelve (the parentheses show how the phrase gets “divided up” between the inhale and the exhale:

  1. (I am completely) (stopping)
  2. (I expect) (nothing)
  3. (I am) (doing my work)
  4. (I trust) (my resources)
  5. (I feel) (supported)
  6. (I embrace) (this moment)
  7. (I am free) (of the past)
  8. (I make) (my meaning)
  9. (I am open) (to joy)
  10. (I am equal) (to this challenge)
  11. (I am) (taking action)
  12. (I return) (with strength)

A small note: the third incantation functions differently from the other eleven, in that you name something specific each time you use it, for example “I am writing my novel” or “I am paying the bills.” This helps you bring mindful awareness to each of your activities throughout the day.

Can you use the incantations and this method for any special purposes?

EM: As I mentioned, folks are coming up with all kinds of special uses. One that I especially like is the idea of “book-ending” a period of work, say your morning writing stint or painting stint, by using “I am completely stopping” to ready yourself, center yourself, and stop your mind chatter, and then using “I return with strength” when you’re done so that you return to “the rest of life” with energy and power. Usually we aren’t this mindful in demarcating our activities—and life feels very different when we do.

Here are my specific situational questions.

Situation 1: Labor and birth is a complex, physically demanding experience. There are three stages of labor, but I’ll focus one the first two.

  • Stage one has three parts: early labor, active labor, and transition.
    • During early labor, which can last 8-12 hours, typically the contractions come 5-30 minutes apart and last 30-45 seconds each.
    • Active labor is next, lasting 3-5 hours; the frequency of contractions generally increases to every 3-5 minutes and lasts about 60 seconds.
    • Transition lasts 20 minutes to 2 hours, and contractions will come every 30 seconds to 2 minutes (or they may overlap) and last about 60-90 seconds; during transition a woman may experience hot flashes, chills, nausea, vomiting. This is the point where she may be most exhausted and emotionally depleted, but she’s not finished!
  • The second stage of labor (active pushing and the baby emerging) can take anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours; contractions come every 3-5 minutes and will last about 45-90 seconds.

1. When contractions are coming fast and furious, is Ten Zen Seconds a sustainable practice to help with pain and energy management?

EM: I have no reports that it is, so I would love to know if it works in that situation! What I do know is that people in similarly stressful, physically demanding, uncentering situations have found the process profoundly valuable, so I think it’s fair to extrapolate and hazard the guess that it might be useful.

Of course, a different sort of breathing is already taught to mothers-to-be as the best way to breathe during the actual delivery, but in the long hours up to delivery I think that using the deep breathing-and-right thinking combination that Ten Zen Seconds teaches might prove of great value.

I would imagine that the most on-point incantations during this period would be incantation 4, “I trust my resources,” incantation 5, “I feel supported,” incantation 9, “I am open to joy,” and incantation 10, “I am equal to this challenge,” though I can imagine how the others might also prove applicable.

2. What incantations would you recommend to a woman to prepare herself before labor and to cope during labor?

EM: That depends in part what specific challenges the mother-to-be is experiencing. If she can’t seem to get herself present and can only think about this being over, she might want to bring herself back to the present and to the power of presence with incantation 6, “I embrace this moment.”

If she is filled with layers of self-doubt, about whether she can stand up to the rigors of delivery and/or the realities of parenting, I think that self-trust might be the most important thing to cultivate and using incantation 4, “I trust my resources,” might make good sense.

If she is having issues with the people around her, like her parents, her in-laws, or her mate, and really needs to table those issues for the moment so as to get on with labor and delivery with a clear mind, then using incantation 7, “I am free of the past,” might prove really valuable.

First you engage in a little self-awareness to help you determine what the issue is that you want to address, then you choose the incantation (or create the incantation) that serves that need.

3. What incantations would you suggest to her birthing coach to help him or her manage?

EM: The main tasks for the coach are to be present and to be helpful. The mother-to-be doesn’t need someone more anxious and more distracted than she is trying to help her, especially if there are some important decisions in the moment that she could use some help with.

Therefore the coach would especially benefit from employing incantation 1, “I am completely stopping,” to remind himself that this is where he needs to be, incantation 3, “I am doing my work,” to remind himself of his duties, incantation 10, “I am equal to this challenge,” to help quiet his nerves and reduce his fear of negative things happening, and incantation 12, “I return with strength,” to help remind him to return to the mother-to-be’s side with a positive, helpful attitude and requisite strength and presence.

Situation 2: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) develops in response to a traumatic event. People with PTSD often have problems functioning. In general, people with PTSD have more unemployment, divorce or separation, spouse abuse and chance of being fired than people without PTSD. Vietnam veterans with PTSD were found to have many problems with family and other interpersonal relationships, problems with employment, and increased incidents of violence. There are many symptoms to this disorder, and I’d like to ask how TZS might help manage them.

  • For instance, a person might have a flashback resulting from an environmental trigger (such as a noise that reminds him or her of the trauma) and feel intense fear, helplessness, and horror again.
  • Survivors often take pains to avoid situations that may trigger memories of the traumatic event, which limits the fullness of their lives.
  • They may feel emotionally numb and isolated and are often hyper-vigilant and always “on guard” after the traumatic event.
  • These stressful psychological responses can have a deleterious impact on physical health, and they may lead people to self-medicate with substance abuse.

1. How might a survivor use the Ten Zen Seconds to manage symptoms of fear and helplessness?

EM: One of the profound tasks of healing from trauma is being able to remember the trauma without reliving the trauma. Mindfulness in general, and the techniques that I teach in Ten Zen Seconds specifically, help a person have a thought without attaching to that thought or experiencing pain from that thought.

You acquire a certain healthy, healing distance from your thoughts and can examine them objectively. As this practice deepens, you feel less fearlful, anxious, and helpless because you learn that you no longer have to run from your thoughts, as they are no longer producing pain. Even more than any particular incantation, the basic practice of mindfulness, with its orientation toward detachment and freedom, help a person recover from past trauma.

2. How might one use TZS to overcome resistance to new experiences and a tendency to isolate?

EM: There are several different approaches to this. One is to orient toward the possible pleasure that you might get from new experiences, rather than orient toward the risks involved, and for this incantation 9, “I am open to joy,” can prove very useful.

Another is to frame new experiences as necessary challenges that come with healthy, authentic living, and for this frame incantation 10, “I am equal to this challenge,” is a great tool.

A third approach is turn in the direction of trust, of trusting yourself in new situations and of trusting others not to harm you in new situations, and for this orientation incantation 4, “I trust my resources” and incantation 5, “I feel supported” are the incantations of choice.

3. What incantations would you recommend to a survivor to reduce emotional numbness and excessive vigilance?

EM: That excessive vigilance has to do with rapid and continual scanning both of the external world and the internal world of thought and worry. You are noticing things out there that might prove dangerous and also noticing passing internal thoughts about possible danger — thoughts that you could dismiss without even noticing if only you were less vigilant.

The key here is to stop — to stop all that internal and external scanning — and so the most important incantation with respect to this issue is “I am completely stopping,” remembering that embedded in that phrase is the specific idea that what you are stopping is all that scanning and all that vigilance. As you learn to actually stop, that allows room for feelings to return and numbness to lessen, as feelings had no place to land while you were doing all of that scanning.

4. Can TZS help with the involuntary physical responses that can occur, such as waking from a nightmare shaking and sweating, or having a panic attack?

EM: I don’t know the answer to this one and I would love to hear from folks who make use of the Ten Zen Seconds program and learn from them if in fact using this tool will help with these phenomena. I stand ready to learn!

Is there a way to experience this process in “real time?”

EM: By trying it out! But my web master Ron Wheatley has also designed a slide show at the Ten Zen Seconds site (http://www.tenzenseconds.com) that you can use to learn and experience the incantations. The slides that name the twelve incantations are beautiful images provided by the painter Ruth Yasharpour and each slide stays in place for ten seconds. So you can attune your breathing to the slide and really practice the method. The slide show is available at http://www.tenzenseconds.com/test_photo_slide.html.

How can people learn more about Ten Zen Seconds?

EM: The book is the best resource. You can get it at Amazon by visiting here.

Or you can ask for it at your local bookstore. The Ten Zen Seconds website is also an excellent resource: in addition to the slide show that I mentioned, there is a bulletin board where folks can chat, audio interviews that I’ve done discussing the Ten Zen Seconds techniques, and more. It’s also quite a gorgeous site, so you may want to visit it just for the aesthetic experience! I would also recommend that folks check out my main site, http://www.ericmaisel.com, especially if they’re interested in creativity coaching or the artist’s life.

What else are you up to?

Plenty! I have a new book out called Creativity for Life, which is roughly my fifteenth book in the creativity field and which people seem to like a lot. I also have a third new book out, in addition to Ten Zen Seconds and Creativity for Life, called Everyday You, which is a beautiful coffee table book about maintaining daily mindfulness. I’m working on two books for 2008, one called A Writer’s Space and a second called Creative Recovery, about using your innate creativity to help in recovering from addiction.

And I’m keep up with the many other things I do: my monthly column for Art Calendar Magazine, my regular segment for Art of the Song Creativity Radio, the trainings that I offer in creativity coaching, and my work with individual clients. I am happily busy! But my main focus for the year is on getting the word out about Ten Zen Seconds, because I really believe that it’s something special. So I thank you for having me here today!

A Penny For Their Thoughts

Winston, who writes at Nobody Asked, honored me with the Thinking Blogger Award. Apparently I am among the many blogs that tickle his gray matter. Now it falls to me to inform the world of five blogs that make me think. Here they are (there are many more, and it was difficult to choose):

Dating God: Kate Turner writes soulful, deeply authentic posts about her journey through the world. She’s unique, and I’d prefer to use her words to present her. From her “about” page:

I no longer believe that I have any answers. And I’m now even suspicious of my questions. But more will be revealed and I am dang skippy surrendered to whatever occurrs in the meantime.

I have lived in 70+ places in seven states and held at least that many different jobs including feng shui consultant, actor, corporate recruiter, bartender, limo driver, truck driver, personal assistant, psychic, holistic practitioner, dancer, yogini, weight loss instructor, strip club waitress, cat wrangler, and currently, public health intern. I write this here blog as a form of Life-as-jigsaw-puzzle, shove 6.2 billion scholarly facts daily into my sweet brain, and drive my car around the snowy streets of Albany as training for my future career in NASCAR on Ice.

I have had over forty soulmates and have discovered there is no such thing.

I have overturned a hundred thousand stones and moments searching for proof of god and I have discovered that god is Nothing.

I believe in love, Life, and creative expression as a path to salvation. I believe that we are all already saved but are too consumed by all the shiny things to realize it. I believe that all the love we need is inside of us. I believe that any love experienced in this world is better seen as a verb in motion rather than a stationary noun.

I recently discovered Memoirs of a Skepchick, which has as the tagline: Critical Thinking for the Masses. A lot of the books I see published about skepticism, culture, and religion tend to be written by men: Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, George Smith, David Mills, etc. So it’s refreshing to hear (i.e., read) a woman’s perspective. There are several authors for this blog; here are some of the categories used in organizing posts: Science, Anti-Science, Literature, Random Asides, Current Events, Religious Rants, and Skepchick-ism. I’ve only begun reading this blog and devour what they write.

Gerry Rosser is a fairly new blogger, and he posts at TwoBlueDay. I enjoy Gerry’s ruminations, and I especially appreciate the photography he posts. His eye for extraordinary shots is excellent, and I savor them. He reminds me to look at the world at all there is to see. I hope he decides to sell prints of his work. They really are that good.

Another new blog to me, Quiet Little Life is a gem. Kay Pere describes herself as “a multi-dimensional performing songwriter, visual artist, writer, educator and activist whose work embodies a message of hope, healing and humanity. When she isn’t traveling to perform, present workshops or show her artwork, Kay lives a quiet little life in a Mystical corner of southern New England.” I enjoy her mix of whimsy (an ode to Peeps, for example) and reflection (a post on experiencing creative blockage).

My dear friend Leah Piken is the author of Creative Every Day, another blog with soul. I’ve been reading Leah since I first began blogging in early 2002 and have been a witness to her journey into a new career, an engagement, and many other avenues for growth. She is an artist, and it was her blog that really inspired me to begin playing with art, which resulted in me embracing the identity of “artist.” Leah writes about creative synchronicities and unearths interesting tidbits (books, quotes, inspirations) that get my creative juices flowing.

The awardees are invited to participate and post a list of five bloggers whose writing makes you think. The original rules suggested:

  • Create your own post of five blogs that make you think.
  • Link to this place so that people know where the meme is from.
  • Display the award, if you like, linking to the post that you wrote.

Happy Thinking!

All Things Baby

We embarked on the Great Baby Supply journey Saturday. Our intention this trip was to get an idea of what we need, pricing, and what’s available. The answer to the last question is: an overwhelming selection! Do we want a traditional crib with a drop-side rail, or a Lifestyle crib that can be converted into a toddler and later a full-size bed? Do we want white, natural, oak, cherry, or pine finish? Do we want mission style furniture, or contemporary, or country? How much do we want to spend? What is the difference between two cribs of the same type and style other than the price tag?

We want a glider. Do we want one that reclines, or swivels, or both? Do we want microsuede or cotton upholstery? One is $600, and another is $300. They look the same and function the same. The same company seems to make them all (Dutelier). So what makes the more expensive one worthwhile?

Do we want to pick a theme for the decor? (At first I thought no, but I’m rethinking.) Do we want to get a a bedding set: sheets, dust ruffle, padded cloth to tie to the crib sides, and blanket? You can drop a couple hundred dollars for a set. Do we want to paint the room? We’re renters, but we can always paint it white later. The room came with dark sage green curtains. Do we want something kid-themed?

What type of stroller do we want? Do we want a travel system, even though the stroller will be somewhat heavier? Shall we get one with a single bar handle or umbrella handles? As for the high chair, gosh, do we want one with toys built in to the tray or not? Do we want a removable cover for easy cleanup? Do we want one that’s collapsible for easy storage?

We looked for five hours and at three stores. Husband’s shopping style is different than mine. He likes to research a lot and look at many items before he chooses. I find it stressful, because after a time I can barely distinguish the difference and deflate into a state of exhaustion. I prefer to set a dollar limit, look at several items in that range, and make the purchase. In many cases, though, his method results in us getting a better deal. In order to help me tolerate the process this time, we agreed by the day’s end we would purchase one baby item to give me a sense of accomplishment.

At least a dozen parents have sung the praises of and urged us to acquire at least one of an item called a Boppy. They are apparently the salvation of mankind. One friend advised us to get one for every level of the house (though since we have four separate levels, that seems extreme). I put the Boppy on our registry at Babies R Us, but since we want two, we bought one Saturday. And I should warn you: I’m turning into a gooey, sentimental momma-to-be. The one I selected was called Sweet Pea: light green with little pea pods all over it, and inside each are three cute little faces with green caps. Peas in the pod! Babies! Adorable!

And I have another admission to make. Since at least half a dozen people have spoken enthusiastically of the miracle called a baby wipe warmer, I did [cringe] add it to the registry. My first response upon learning of such a thing was to scorn it as a luxury, and indeed it is. After all, I grew up without warm baby wipes and I’m a contributing member of society! But I trust the enthusiasm of parents; they have the experience, after all. When I asked my mother what she used (I was born before baby wipes existed), she said she cleaned me with a warm washcloth. A-ha! So there’s proof that a warm wipe on a baby’s bottom is preferable. Husband believes he’d like to use washcloths. Fine for him, but since I expect I’ll be changing the majority of diapers, I’m damn well going to get and use baby wipes and a warmer. So there.

What’s especially delightful to me is watching Husband’s responses to all this. He’s embracing his Inner Father: reading Consumer Reports Guide to Baby Products, searching Internet forums discussing the pros and cons of items, reading about baby care in What to Expect the First Year. I handed him a booklet from Fisher-Price that features their products, and he was charmed by the baby bath and swings. The reality of what’s coming is permeating us both, and we’re getting excited. I plan to borrow Dr. Seuss books from the library so he can read to my belly.

And yes, I’ve already decided on and aquired a baby book for her first year. They are all so different: some are frilly and cute, some are hip, some have scrapbook elements, some are spiral-bound, and they all are organized differently. Since I’ll be using it for a year, I found one I really like. For myself I bought The Belly Book; it’s a keepsake for me, but I imagine someday my daughter might like it, since it’s a record of the very beginning of her life.

I’m a little concerned that my regular readers will find the frequency and length of my posts on all things baby tiresome after awhile. But that’s the direction of my life. I’m becoming a parent, and this blog focuses on what I find relevant to me, so I expect to often use the lens of parenting and childhood. I’m sure I’ll write about other stuff too; I’m too interested in everything to fall prey to tunnel vision. So have faith if you’re not interested in parenthood and children; I’ll throw a bone to you now and then. 😉

P.S. I’m feeling her move frequently now. There’s a little person inside me. I’m bringing her into existence. It moves me to tears. And it truly is an awesome feat.

An Invitation to Play

Shortly over a year ago I mentioned that I was going to explore a book on creativity written by Eric Maisel. I didn’t follow it daily, but I found the ideas and exercises interesting.

Well, just a few days ago I was contacted by his publicist asking me if I’d be interested in participating in a “blog tour” for his upcoming book, Ten Zen Seconds. It’s a type of marketing that seems collaborative and mutually beneficial. I thought it would be rather fun. I’ll get to know other bloggers who focus on similar interests, become acquainted with the author, and get a free book out of the deal!

In a couple of months, I will interview Eric about his book as it relates to a topic of interest to me. As I develop this I’ll keep you posted. And once the Ten Zen Seconds blog tour page is updated, I’ll post a link to that instead. It will be a trove of resources on creativity.

For general information on Eric Maisel, you might visit his website, too.

My Spiritual Sojourn

This post is essentially an outline of the encounters I’ve had in my journey; I’m posting it here for my reference, and also for your edification. There is much that can be fleshed out. If you’d like to read in-depth about any particular segment, leave a note in the comments specifying which one. I’m not certain I will be ready to oblige you, but it might give me a starting point. I’ve been told numerous times by those I’ve shared my story with that my experiences would make an interesting book. (I really enjoyed and was inspired by Karen Armstrong’s book, The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness.)

1963-1976: Roman Catholic, an earnest believer (as much as a child can understand); baptized, first commmunion, confirmation. Considered becoming a nun.

1977-1981: Attended a Roman Catholic weekend seminar for teens and discovered charismatic Catholicism, which included the concept of being “born again.” Began attending a weekly prayer group for teens called Reality. These were hosted by an adult couple and teens took turns facilitating discussion, prayer, and music. Was also depressed; starting at 16 I saw a psychologist at school (which kept me tethered to this world). Was an obnoxious proselytizer of my conservative religion.

1982-1983: Began having doubts about Catholicism and God. Struggled for independence and autonomy in a household where attending church was mandatory as long as I was under my parents’ roof. Explored sexuality, first with a man, later with a woman. Drew a “line in the sand” with my father while still living at home by refusing to attend church. Moved out of the house December 1983. Entered into a monogamous relationship with a woman that I fully intended to live in commitment with the rest of my life. Began therapy at the Onondaga Pastoral Counseling Center (depression).

1984-1988: Entered my angry anti-Christian phase. I threw myself into reading novels and non-fiction works about Judaism. Voraciously read books on anthropology and psychology. Came out to my family, friends, and co-workers as a lesbian. Attended a Passover Seder held by a friend and attended Shabbat service at Temple Adath Yeshurun with her. Visited Plymouth Congregational church (which had a female minister and was accepting of gays) but could not reconcile with Christianity. Continued to struggle with depression and received counseling. My first therapist (a female) had graduated and moved on. I chose to work with a male therapist next in order to deal with my distrust of men; I made it clear how I felt and that I was gay and would not brook any attempts to “cure” me of this. He was one of the best therapists I’ve ever worked with. (Note: let me make clear that I do not believe lesbians are such because they distrust men. For me, this was an aspect of my identity, but I think there is largely an inherent biological component to sexual orientation, and it’s not a dichotomy (gay or straight) but a spectrum.)

mid-1988-1990: After five years, unresolvable problems led to the mutual and amicable dissolution of my relationship with my significant other. I was invited to move home to my parents’ house for a short while so I could pay off a large debt and apply to colleges in order to finish my B.A. Until 1988 I had enormous difficulty settling on a major, but I experienced an epiphany in a particular class that led me to commit to studying psychology. Ended therapy with the male psychotherapist at OPCC in 1989 having come a very long way. When pressed to define my sexuality, I chose bisexual. I remained agnostic and non-practicing in any religion. Took a leave from my university job to attend college full-time in Oswego. Found myself deeply lonely for many reasons. Experienced a falling-out with my parents in spring 1990 that led me to put education on hold for financial reasons. Returned to work full-time at the university. Had an unstable housing situation for awhile. Was particularly mired in depression in 1990. In May 1989, began what would become a decade long penpal relationship with a Navajo man in prison for life in Arizona; the discourse between us became a type of journal exchange. (He shared his religious experiences as a Navajo, and I read about Native American religions.) A typical letter from me was 15-20 typed single-spaced pages, and we wrote between 100-200 letters each per year. This dialogue was challenging, educational, and healing.

1990-1991: Attended a local Methodist church and talked with the pastor. Attended a friend’s Christian & Missionary Alliance church, which was very conservative, and struggled with the doctrine. Could not accept this. Reconciled with my parents. Struggled still with loneliness. Bought my first car ever, which allowed me to return to college (commuting 100 miles round trip) while working — both full-time. This increased freedom and mobility opened my life.

1992-1994: Finished my B.A. in December 1992. In January, started attending a local Unitarian Universalist church and became involved in some of the groups there. Talked with the pastor extensively about my spiritual questions; if asked, I would have said I was agnostic. I also visited several Unity church services at a friend’s invitation. Went to a Powwow held near Binghamton, N.Y. Viewed a gallery of works by Native American artists, hosted by Golden Paints in Columbus, New York. In July 1994 I moved from Syracuse, NY, to Austin, Texas. In September 1994 I was raped. Shortly after, some neighbors befriended me; they were born-again, charismatic, fundamentalist Christians. Having called the rape crisis center but not receiving help (longer story), I turned to the safety of a conservative, rigid, rule-driven religion. I revealed my return to “born again” Christianity to my family. In particular this caused a rift between my brother and me (we both lived in Austin).

1995-1997: Depression resurfaced, and loneliness lurked. Continued on the conservative Christian path with increasing difficulty. I never truly felt at home with the speaking in tongues, the arm-waving during service, the naivete of the believers. I would not attest that my past relationship with a woman had been sinful. I did not see homosexuality as the sin and abomination they purported. I did not accept creationism. I did not believe the scriptures were literally true. I was uncomfortable with the “holier than thou” attitude the churches I attended had toward maintstream Christian denominations. I was not convinced Christianity was the one, true way. Grew uncomfortable with the mandate to “witness for the lord” so that others might “be saved” — this created more barriers than bridges with “nonbelievers.” I participated in small prayer groups but found them to be superficial; for the most part, the “friendship” did not extend beyond the group. Resisted the doctrine of original sin; found that defining humans by their flaws did not help release people from their egos. It simply turned them ego-centric and narcissistic in a negative way. Found the “born again” worldview glib and began to think of it as heaven insurance. Questioned what real belief is. Quit my full-time job. Entered graduate school for counseling and experienced further dissonance; saw the movie, Chasing Amy and experienced a pivotal realization about my identity. I left the church I was involved in and forsook Christianity altogether. Whatever social community I had went with it; a lonely season followed. I felt as though I had returned to myself in a fundamental way. My depression continued; I began getting therapy with another excellent therapist and began dealing with the long-neglected impact of the sexual assault.

1998-1999: My depression worsened. Continued therapy and worked with deep issues. I put all my energy into school and excelled but barely had anything left outside of that. Lack of income led me to getting a full-time job again, so I worked and attended classes full-time. My cat died in April 1998; grief compounded the depression. Had an ill-advised affair with a scholar working in the same department at university; it ended badly. I could not let go; seeing him daily was torture. Felt incredibly alone and vulnerable. While attending a Catholic university, began a dialogue with the priest there about Catholicism that was very healing (though ultimately did not lead to reconciliation). (Interestingly, the Catholic university was most receptive to discourse about religious and philosophical matters and to the search for truth and meaning. Their religion professor defined himself as a Buddhist Catholic.) Attended mass there because I found the chapel a refuge of peace. Began reading about Buddhism and occasionally joined a small group to practice Vipassana meditation. Also began reading about quantum physics (to the degree I could understand).

In late 1998 I was assessed and prescribed medication for depression. The improvement was notable, immediate, and felt miraculous. Graduated in May 1999; one of the happiest episodes of my life. My depression abated. Ended the writing relationship with my penpal for reasons I’m not ready to disclose here yet. Since I was not certain I would ever find one man or woman who could “handle” me (it had been suggested I was more than enough for a single person, that I was “too intense”), I explored polyamory briefly with a man who was involved in similar relationships. I examined the ways in which love can be expressed and received via reading and discussion. Met Husband in October 1999. Fell in love and felt immediately at home with him. Concluded that polyamory was viable for others, not for me. (If interested, a good book to start with is The Ethical Slut.) Came to understand that I will never return to Catholicism.

2000-present: At the invitation of a friend, attended Satsang at Barsana Dahm Hindu temple. Moved in with Husband. Completed my counseling internship and passed the licensing exam. Continued to read about and explore Buddhism and also Taoism. Began to read widely about Paganism as well. Irregularly practiced sitting meditation. Discovered making art as a spiritual practice and meditation; found knitting to be similar. Continued to take medication for depression; twice attempted to titrate off them with doctor’s supervision and found in each case the depression returned. Made peace with this and accepted that for me to be healthy, medication is necessary. Moved across country (then married in 2005). Over the years, as my life has become more stable (less struggle for basic financial survival, improved mental health, self-acceptance, a healthy loving relationship with Husband), pervasive loneliness evaporated.

I participated in several workshops by Alaya called Yoga for the Emotional Body; focus was on developing skill in working with feelings to channel and contain their energies; in this way, emotions become a source of enrichment in one’s life. The experiences were life-changing. In 2004, briefly attended a church in Austin that I found combined the best of esoteric Christianity, psychology, and mysticism. This unique church is called The Church of Conscious Harmony. It was a contemplative community; I found the reverence for spirit inspiring. There is nothing like it in the Bay Area. I fundamentally do not embrace the general concept of Christianity (though I do believe there are valuable wisdom teachings in the scriptures, as in other religious writings); nor do I believe in a god. I remain undefined and uncategorized as to a particular belief system or practice. When pressed to identify what religion I am most drawn to and feel compatible with, I name Buddhism and psychology.

As I review this post, it’s clear to me a I’ve read nothing about Islam, and for the purpose of being informed that strikes me as a topic to explore. I also plan to explore more topics like Carl Sagan’s latest book, The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God.

Religious Literacy

Last week at lunch with my friend, the topic of religion and politics came up, specifically evolution being taught in science class and the push to teach creationism or intelligent design in schools. I suggested that a comparative religions class would be a better venue to discuss matters of faith, and to explore the variety of its expressions. I also think an introductory philosophy course would be valuable. I saw the recent issue of Newsweek in which the same idea is advocated by Stephen Prothero.

The problem:

In a world where nearly every political conflict has a religious underpinning, Prothero writes that Americans are selling themselves short by remaining ignorant about basic religious history and texts, by not knowing the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite or the name of Mormonism’s holy book. “Given a political environment where religion is increasingly important, it’s increasingly important to know something about religion,” he says. “The payoff is a more involved [political] conversation.”

—The Gospel of Prothero: A Boston University professor argues that Americans, though ‘spiritual,’ are woefully ignorant about religion

The suggested solution:

The book proposes a solution that is at once controversial and familiar: teach religion in public schools. Prothero believes that before graduation from high school, every American should take a Bible course and a world-religions course—dispassionate humanities courses whose purpose is not to catechize or evangelize but to educate. In colleges, he argues, we have science requirements, so why not religion? When Harvard decided recently not to make religion part of its core curriculum, “it missed an opportunity,” he says.

—The Gospel of Prothero: A Boston University professor argues that Americans, though ‘spiritual,’ are woefully ignorant about religion

I would love to hear Stephen Prothero speak, but I’ll settle for reading his book, Religious Literacy: What Every American Needs to Know–And Doesn’t.