Interesting article here: The End of Verse? Or, I can summarize it for you.
Verse is not dead yet.
As long as there is language
poems will exist.
April is National Poetry Month. It’s also NaPoWriMo. I tried this in 2006 and burned out halfway through the month, although some of what I wrote I thought was solid. I’m giving this year a pass, though who know? I might quietly be inspired to try. If I pretend I don’t really care, maybe I can fool myself into playing and actually accomplish it.
…start with crayons.
The visit is going swimmingly. I’m spacey and fragile, tired and slothful. Bean is clingy but can be distracted as long as I’m within reach. Aunt LP is a lot of fun!
The surgery was fine. I had no issue with anesthesia. Yay me!
Turned out that I had two tears in my medial meniscus. One of them had actually bent in on itself, so the cartilage was folded under. The surgeon also smoothed a little of the cartilage under my kneecap, though since it doesn’t grow back he didn’t want to do too much. Removal of cartilage such as the meniscus sets the stage for arthritis. Oh, I also have some arthritis in the area already from walking on this untreated for nearly two years. Ah well. On the upside, having the removal done instead of a repair means I’m off crutches within two weeks instead of on them for four.
Bean is fine. The babysitter arrived while she ate an early lunch, so she knew Mommy and Daddy were leaving. I managed to put her down for a nap at 11:30 a.m.; then we left. She slept two hours! When I got home she wasn’t clingy or upset. She’d had a grand time with A and enjoyed the new toys I’d left for her. She was curious about my crutches — indeed, she wants to walk off with them. She also wanted to crawl on top of me as I laid on the couch, but we told her I have a big ouchie boo-boo. She seems to understand this a bit.
Husband took good care of all of us. Two friends brought over a little care package of yummy bath goodies, a knitting magazine, and magazine cookbood for slow cookers and casseroles. The pictures are fun to look at. I can’t quite focus my eyes. The surgeon called to see how I’m doing, so my work here is done! I’ve been dozing on the couch in a haze of hydrocodone. I’m too tired to resist its serenade, so I’ll sign off here.
Oh, and happy anniversary, Husband. We’ve been married four years!
My surgery is set for Friday, March 13. No, I’m not superstitious. That is also my wedding anniversary! My SIL is coming the next day, so she will help and Husband will also be home. My MIL is on stand-by, so to speak. We won’t know until after the surgery if it will be a removal or a repair. If it’s a repair, I will be on crutches four weeks, and we will need my MIL. A removal of the cartilage is more common and much easier to heal from.
Bean is not going to like this. First off, her babysitter will be with her all day on March 13 and will put her down for a nap. The only people whom Bean falls asleep for is me and Husband, so it remains to be seen if she’ll nap. She also won’t understand why I am not moving, and if I don’t rise to her imperious commands (Get up! Get up!) and play, we’ll see a lot of tantrums. It’s going to be interesting.
What else is new? Let’s see… I’m feeling some dislocation and sadness because I managed to alienate a close friend and while we are still friends, it is clear that a level of intimacy is gone. This friend has instead moved closer to another mutual friend. I am trying to let things be, and to remain open, and to remember love. There are consequences to my actions. I brought this on myself, so to speak.
Given that my free time is limited, I’ve been giving thought to paring down some of my online activities that suck time out from under me. I’m unsubscribing from certain newsletters, and I’ve deleted my account from Facebook. There are too few moments in each day, and I have the email addresses and phone numbers of people I want to keep in touch with. Simplicity is key.
I finally finished a scarf for my sister Ellen. It’s pretty, and I’ll post a photo of it later. Now I need to think of something else to knit.
Last night I enjoyed my annual extravagant outing with several friends. We went to SF for a delicious dinner at Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion Cuisine and then saw a vibrant musical, Wicked. I had a fine, fine time!
Alas, while there is much happening, I’ve got zero energy and time to write, but I’ll try later in the week to catch up.
Bean woke at 7:15 a.m. and started the day well. She didn’t ask for milk until late in the morning. She still refuses milk in a cup and gets mad when it’s offered. But she’s eating a LOT of other food, including 9 ounces of yogurt today.
While I cooked this evening, I offered milk in a “take and toss” cup — a simple plastic cup with a lid. She sat on the kitchen floor and played with it. Then she took a sip and had a whole conversation with herself, most of which was garbled — she has her own language and syntax. But we did hear her say “bottles” and “fairy” and “milk” and “cup.” Then she began playing with the cup and dripping milk on the floor. I stopped that after a few minutes, but the fact she took a sip and was talking to herself about it is heartening.
Oh, and she skipped nap today. We put her down but she wouldn’t sleep. So we went out to look at houses and go to a park, where she enjoyed herself thoroughly. I also had a long conversation with another mother I met there with whom I felt a connection. We traded email addresses, so perhaps something will grow out of it.
On Monday and Tuesday, Bean didn’t seem herself. She clung to me at Little Gym and in music class. She was subdued and had low energy. She seemed fragile. I felt concerned and thought it was probably more teething. Bean woke a lot last night crying; Husband takes care of nights and he comforted her. When I got her this morning she felt warm. She had a fever, and I called the doctor because it was 102. They had us come in and did a quick exam. No ear infection, everything looked okay except her throat. It was red. The doctor said it was probably a cold presenting first with a fever. (Most of Bean’s colds have started with sneezing.) She spent most of the day in my arms, though she did nap three hours in her crib too. When she awoke from that her fever was 103. We’re giving her acetaminophen to help with the discomfort.
Ironically, today was my day to bring snack to preschool. I’d baked sweet potato bread and bought whole wheat crackers. It figures, on the day we miss class! I called my friend A (Fia’s mom) who is also in the class, and she picked it all up on the way, sparing me an extra trip with a cranky child. Later another friend called to check in and offered to pick up milk and juice at Safeway for me.
After that, Bean’s babysitter came by and ran an errand to the post office and grocery for me (because of course I’d forgotten them on the earlier list). The sweet thing is, she didn’t want me to pay her for her time. I was not comfortable with this, since I do want to compensate her properly. I could appreciate her kindness, however, so I suggested I’d donate her wage to Feeding America instead, and we settled on that.
It feels so reassuring to know people who can assist in a pinch, and just being checked on feels all warm and fuzzy.
My mood the past few days has been rather low for reasons I hadn’t pinpointed, but now that Bean is sick I wonder if it was a little mother’s intuition that not all was right. Also, I was without internet access for the day — the router was down — and learned something: I didn’t die! 😉
One of the reasons for my mood is connected to my own ego. The thing that does worry me is how to help Bean negotiate life. We go on playdates with other kids or to classes, and other kids are just much bigger or more aggressive. It’s all age-appropriate behavior. I’m not saying Bean doesn’t try to take a toy from someone else sometimes. But she does have passive quality in her response to things; when other kids take a toy from her or hit her, she lets it happen and looks perplexed. Occasionally she will follow the child around to get the toy back (without succeeding) or will cry, but usually she just looks a little helpless. I struggle with a desire to overprotect. I also struggle with my own memories and pain from being a very petite and passive kid; I was a target for bullies, and I got plenty of their attention. I remind myself not to project onto Bean, but I do wonder how I’m going to do this part of parenting.
I feel today that Life was nudging me to stop. Stop rushing through my tasks, my lists. Stop wasting time on cyberspace. Stop and listen to music and breathe. Bean spent a lot of the day in my arms. She napped three hours in the crib and cuddled the rest of the time. She’s exceptionally affectionate today — saying “I kiss you” and giving kiss after kiss. It feels sweet, and it also pokes my heart a little because I’m sure it’s an expression of need and appreciation while she feels unwell.
And now I should tuck myself in if I hope to be All Things Nurturing all day tomorrow.
It’s late. Here’s this week’s work for Creative Every Day. This is one of the things I do all day. Every day. Don’t let the brevity of my text lead you to think I dislike this or find it a chore. I enjoy each day, even if I do find it a little challenging to keep thinking up new stuff to draw (or to keep repeating the same thing because Bean’s focused on it. For example, one day it was the letter X. She wanted me to write X all the time.) No, the shortness of this post (in terms of word count) has to do with my level of exhaustion. In this case, several pictures are worth several hundred (or thousand) words!
And here is what the bottle fairy looks like! (Created on the fly. No pun intended.) We’ve been telling Bean about her. She can say who it is when she sees the picture, and she says “Bye-bye bottle” when asked what the fairy does. I don’t know that she comprehends what is really coming, though. Time will tell. I’m waiting on delivery of the item that the fairy will leave. I also need to get to a point of mentally committing to doing this, and to let go of my attachment to this particular way of being intimate. We have many many other cuddles and intimate times. She’s getting almost too big to hold like a baby anymore.
I usually recap the previous year by posting the first sentence written here for each month. Here is the one for 2007. I thought I’d done it previous years to that, but I can’t find it in the archives.
January: My day isn’t over yet.
February: Bean napped four times yesterday, only 30 minutes each.
March: From an email I wrote to a friend who has several children (but it was also me talking to myself and thus worth it to me to post):
Please tell me the fact that my daughter isn’t sitting unassisted at six months is okay.
April: I’ll face reality.
May: I originally knit a baby hat and an adult hat.
June: This was a work weekend.
July: I made Bean’s hat and trusted the pattern.
August: The simplicity of this photo belies the amazing life activity that is constantly occurring within.
September: Bean is an amazing little person.
October: My good friend Ambrosia just welcomed her little girl, Gwendolyn Rose, at 6:33 this morning.
November: This year, my efforts with AEDM will probably be simple, the result of quickie creativity cobbled together from stolen moments.
December: Today was Bean’s first day at the parent-participation preschool session.
Creativity is at the core of my life. At least, this is how I’ve felt for several years. So I’m diving in and will participate in Leah’s 2009 challenge, Creative Every Day 2009.
Hurray! I did it, I did it! And now it’s time for the Yule season. Given that Bean’s little hands find it hard to resist touching interesting stuff, and that holidays are about happiness rather than scolding “No, don’t touch!” we have opted out of a tree this year. Plus, we need the floor space to play, and a tree would seriously crimp that.
I’ll get out a few decorations in addition to this garland — I just need to find ways to make do without horizontal surfaces. Bean is getting into everything now.
While including food might be pushing the definition of “art,” I decided that today’s creation would suffice for AEDM. At least it’s a domestic art, and one can enjoying looking at, smelling, and tasting it. I cooked the little pumpkin we bought last month and pureed it, and then I made the bread from a recipe on Allrecipes. (Note that I used two 9×5″ loaf pans instead of the three 7×3″ in the recipe.) It is really good — Bean devours it (and this is how she gets an orange veggie, since she refuses them in other forms), and so do my friends and I. It’s the kind of bread that tastes better after a day or two as the spices meld.
Happy Thanksgiving!
This image arose from listening to months of bad economic news and pondering the lifestyle that led Americans down the path of desperate consumerism.
My contribution to Illustration Friday’s topic this week: Opinion.
While Bean naps, I’ve made this. Now I need lunch! And more inspiration. I’m feeling tapped out.
Our date was lovely. We decided that since we rarely get to enjoy a meal without refereeing someone, we would have a leisurely dinner. Then we went to a toy store to look for possible gifts for Bean (we are setting a budget) and then to a bookstore to drool over books we want for ourselves. It was a later night than usual, but I’m glad we made time for it.
Here is today’s piece. I’m feeling unsure if I can come up with stuff for the next eight days; my inspiration well feels dry. Oops! I hear Bean awake from her nap.
This morning we went to Rick’s Cafe in Los Altos for breakfast with Bean’s other two play buddies and their parents. The food was yummy, and we all had fun. Then we went home and took a two hour nap. This evening Husband and I are going on a date! Our recently hired babysitter will come by after Bean goes to bed. We’re not sure what we’ll do. Probably go to a late movie.
Tonight when playing with her father, Bean said “I see you!” in response to Husband. In a little while there will be a video uploaded at Flickr for friends and family viewers (you need to be logged in to Flickr for the video to show). (Being a private man, I don’t share photos and videos that include Husband on the blog.)
I’ve lost track of the new words she’s got now. Let’s just say that we are now spelling certain words and are very, very careful not to cuss near her. Not that we cuss much, but every now and then a damn might slip out if we aren’t being mindful.
Bean also now says yes as well as no when asked direct questions. This has made feeding her much easier. “Do you want grapes?” “No.” “Do you want pineapple?” “Yes!” Or: “Do you want to play with puzzles?” “No.” “Do you want to read a book?” “Yes!” Until recently, one-syllable words that end in “s” were pronounced as two-syllables: bus was bah-ss, mouse was “meh-ss”, and yes was “yeh-ss.” She’s getting more fluid with practice, but it’s still really cute the way she pronounces these words so deliberately in that little voice of hers.
Also, while we were at a friend’s home today, Bean interrupted her play to walk over to me and give me a kiss (she’s still learning so it wasn’t quite a pucker, but it was clearly a kiss). Then she returned to her little friends. It was really endearing.