I Am

My collage gift arrived and was happily received. So here’s a photo.

The Mother I Am

Now, my mother laid the foundation at the beginning, and I’ve written a tribute to her. Here it is again if you’d like to read it. The thousands of interactions that make up a childhood formed the core of the mother I am. However, there is something also about finding the companionship of a contemporary, someone who is just a little ahead of you or is going through the experience at the same time, that provides a different kind of strength.

In 2006 Karen Miller sent me a copy of her book, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood. Once I received it, I tucked it on the bookshelf. At the time I wasn’t sure I’d ever get pregnant successfully and was indeed wondering if I really wanted to try anymore. Then I got pregnant with Bean and read the book. I have not put it down for very long since.

Momma Zen is a treasure of meditations on motherhood. That sounds high-falutin’, doesn’t it? It’s really more like having a good friend talk quietly to you about all the things that come along with the baby: the upheaval of one’s life, the worries, the desire to protect your child while knowing absolute safety is impossible, the lack of sleep, the temptation to assert our ego hoping to control things. I’m not doing justice to the wisdom this book contains. Just know that I value it so highly (and Karen as well) that I give a copy to every friend who is a mother or about to become a mother. Karen and I have written privately as well, and she has talked me off a few cliffs of fear (my own concoctions). I don’t know that I’d have fared as well during the first few months of Bean’s life if Karen hadn’t been there, both in book form, on her blog, via email and the phone.

If I had more energy and time, I would have crafted a review that conveys just how essential this book is. But that luxury isn’t mine these days, so I’ll trust that you’ll check out the book yourself, as well as Karen’s blog, Cheerio Road.

If You Need A Lift

In case you’re feeling down at the moment, here’s a taste of something you might enjoy reading. It really, truly isn’t a downer to read at all. After years of devotion to her writing (while working all along at a “day job”), Patry’s first novel, The Liar’s Diary, was published in 2007. Then last fall, she was diagnosed with cancer.

Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t worry before my surgery. It’s a good thing that I reveled in every moment of being at home, rather than spoiling it by mentally leaping into “what might happen.” Because as it turns out what might happen arrived all on its own.

My recovery was on track until Sunday when I became seriously ill. Doctors were summoned (one even racing down the hallway), tests were taken, conferences were had. The consensus was even more desperate than the way I felt. My surgery had failed, and would need to be repeated (today at 1:30.)

–Patry Francis, Simply Wait

Patry’s ability to find ordinary life marvelous, and to write about it, is very compelling. Do go read.

Fighting the Good Fight

I’m trying not to get sick with what Bean has! I’m sneezing, feel chilled, am tired, have a sore throat. Ugh. I can’t get sick, I’m a mother! Here is a photo (taken by Aunt LP) for your enjoyment. It’s from our family dinner at the Fish Market.

I Use the Big Glass

Weekend Status

My little sweet pea is sick again (since Friday) with another cold and/or a reaction to the vaccines. No fever. We’ve been giving her extra TLC.

And guess what? I made art! I made a collage last night. It’s a gift for someone who reads the blog, so I won’t post a photo of it until after I know it’s been received.

How We Spent Our Third Anniversary

Bean had her six-month check-up yesterday. On her last visit she was 12 pounds, 8 ounces and 24.5 inches tall. She is now 14 pounds, 6 ounces (at last, a little more than twice her birth weight!) and 26 inches tall. If she’d been born in Austin, we’d say she’s got the makings of a long, tall Texan. She is gaining weight, but since she’s also growing longer more rapidly (it seems), she keeps dropping in the weight/length ratio percentiles. Now she fits the 5th percentile (actually a bit less, 4.94%). But she is healthy!

The doctor put her in a sitting position, and Bean was a little wobbly but stayed up. The doctor thinks she’ll be sitting independently in another week or two. Bean recognized the doctor’s office and started to cry once we were in the examination room. I suppose she remembers what happened her last visit — the dreaded shots, which she got again. She cried this time too, but quickly stopped when we showed her the baby in the mirror. 🙂

Bean is fascinated with everything. She tried to grab the doctor’s stethoscope. When the doctor examined her ears, she kept moving her head to see what was being stuck in her head. She babbled up a storm; the doctor said she’ll probably start talking soon. I asked for clarification, and she meant that Bean will be attempting to intentionally make sounds similar to the thing associated with it, such as “mah” for “milk.”

Because Bean is rolling both ways and almost sitting independently, the doctor said it was okay to put a blanket in her crib. I’ve been using a cuddly blanket and stroking her face while I hold her during naps. My hope is that she’ll have associated the blanket with comfort and that it will provide this when we transition to napping in the crib. I still don’t have the gumption to try again yet. I really do cherish holding her. I’m relying on my intuition to tell me when to attempt another time.

The doctor also said Bean can start solids. We gave her the first serving of rice cereal this morning. That stuff tastes like paste, by the way. (Yes, I sampled it.) Awful, bland. But that’s what is recommended. She ate some. I took a couple photos and made a little movie for posterity. She didn’t spit it out, and she willingly opened her mouth for it. Since I made it with formula, and it was practically liquid, I suppose it tasted familiar.

As far as anniversaries go, it was a quiet one. We did give ourselves the gift of a new mini stereo for the downstairs area. We play a lot of music for Bean, and we needed something high enough to keep from her little hands. The old boom box was moved to our bedroom. (I fall asleep to the sound of waves.)

Yesterday afternoon we went to the park, and Bean sampled her new sand toys. (The playgrounds have giant sand play areas, but she’s too young yet to play in it.) Here’s another photo.

And since I’ve been posting so many photos of her lately, I suppose I’ll take a few days off from blogging here and give my readers a break.

We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Sand!

The Other Thing I Did Yesterday

I helped make forty-eight centerpieces for an Easter/Spring event hosted by my Las Madres play group. The house was chaos (a friend hosted), full of kids and moms and craft supplies. We had fun! Bean was watching kids run around outside while I stuffed flowers into pots.

Mother’s Work

I’ve got nothing to say, really. Ordinary life happens daily. I figure sometimes it’s pointless to write about it. Here’s one of the things I did today; after many months of thinking about it, I finally got around to doing it. (Good mothers cleanse the spittle off their kids’ toys more often than that.) I’m aiming for the Adequate Mother award.

It’s the Simple Things

My daughter is seized by paroxysms of laughter by crinkly plastic grocery bags, tissue paper being scrunched, and wrapping paper being torn. There is nothing more amusing in the universe to her.

Makes me happy too!

More Firsts

Monday night we went out to dinner at a family restaurant — Bean’s first restaurant. She was happy to be there as long as she was out of her infant carrier/car seat. I’d judiciously given her a late afternoon nap so she could make it to 8:00, which was a little bit of a stretch, but she did. We were in and out in slightly over an hour (an excellent waitress too, who knew how to serve a family with a baby). She sat in Husband’s lap and tried grabbing everything in sight. She happily played with (i.e., chewed on) the spoons and again sampled water from a glass. She also enjoyed being spoon-fed sips of water. We think Bean is definitely ready to try solids! Last night she sat in her high chair while we ate dinner and enjoyed the socializing. I bought her small 7-ounce plastic tumblers, and it seems she prefers to try drinking out of these rather than her sippy cup. It’s really charming to watch her attempts.

Aunt LP’s visit was fun and all too short! We all enjoyed visiting and playing. She came along on several play dates and cooked some grub for us: awesome pasta sauce and The Best Quiche Ever (with bacon!).

We also installed the first of many gates, these on the first level. She’s not crawling yet, but she’s gotten good at rolling around. Thursday she has her 6-month doctor visit. She’s also mostly been sleeping through from a slightly later bedtime (8:00 p.m.) to 5:30-6:00 a.m. (A couple of days she slept until 7 and 8 a.m.!) Yesterday she ate the most she’s ever eaten: 34 ounces. Seems as though every day is another milestone.

Future Pool Player?

In Just One Day

She changes by leaps and bounds. Today Bean decided to spend nearly all the day on her stomach, rolling and wriggling her way around the room. Her ability to grasp objects seems to have improved overnight. We had dinner at friends’ tonight, and Husband introduced her to his glass of water. She took a few sips. Later she was on my lap and I was holding my glass of water. I lowered my hand slightly and she grabbed at the glass with both hands to pull it to her mouth. So I assisted, and she sampled several sips more. She also grabbed at everything in front of her: my placemat, my plate, my fork. She even managed to get a fistful of food (couscous and chicken), but I wiped it off quickly. Husband went to check on her a few moments ago, and she was asleep on her tummy for the first time, her face turned to the side and her arms situated perpendicular to her torso, with one stuck between the crib slats. It was a happy, happy day all around.

Half a Year for My Little Bean

Wow! Six months have passed. So has a lifetime, it sometimes seems.

So what is notable about Bean at six months of age?

A week before she reached five months she began pulling off the bottle again, frustrated, and wanted to eat often. So I switched her to the bottle n*pples for six months+ of age. The first week the flow was a little fast, but she rapidly adjusted. She now consumes 25-31 ounces a day as opposed to her previous 19-24 ounces.
Sometimes during a feeding Bean “gargles” her milk. She does this because she enjoys the sound and is experimenting. She smiles with delight as she does it. Some of her feedings are casual, slow-paced, and very social. Other times she guzzles her milk.
She’s now coordinated enough to hold two rhythm sticks. She has even banged them together a few times.
Bean babbles and says “baba” and “gaga.”
She sits upright with support of pillows. Or when I sit behind her, she can sometimes sit without my support; I’m there “just in case.” She isn’t sitting all by herself yet, but she loves to sit.
Bean adores interacting with the baby in the mirror. She greets that baby with enthusiasm and smiles. She coos and babbles to her. I tell her that the little girl in the mirror is her best friend.
She enjoys peek-a-boo when I cover my face or her face (a scarf is especially fun). She’s yet to cover her own eyes purposefully, but loves the surprise.
We broke out some new toys recently, one of them being cloth blocks. I stacked them in a tower, and Bean discovered the wonder of knocking them over. She laughed each time during that first encounter. She’s beginning to learn cause and effect.
During a feeding, she will massage my face with the hand closest to me. She squeezes my chin and cheek, and pats my face. She will also rub her foot along the arm that is holding the bottle.
Bean is ticklish just under her chin. She’s also got a little mischief in her eyes, when she’s being silly with me.
I love her giggle and her full laugh.
Bean knows just what the camera is for; when it’s turned on she hams it up, and she loves watching movies of herself.
Bean is now mobile by rolling. A few weeks ago she rolled from her back to her stomach maybe half a dozen times; the past few days she’s just started rolling like a little stone.
She’s starting to creep her way across the room; it looks a little like swimming on dry land; she will get herself turned 180 degrees to grab another toy or to see me.
Bean spends a lot more time happily on her tummy. She’s especially willing when someone is down on the floor face-to-face with her, holding a toy or a book.
She outgrew her aquarium bouncer about four weeks ago — not physically, but mentally; she grew bored being in it.
She goes into a rapture when she’s put into her exer-saucer and is beginning to understand that when she pushes buttons, voices speak and music plays.
Bean enjoys being held in a standing position.
Bean now puts her head against my neck and nuzzles in, especially when she’s tired or upset. It generates a precious feeling in me.
She’s a champion drooler. No teeth yet.
Bean sucks her toes, plays with her feet.
She turns to hear new sounds or watch things move. She watches when objects are dropped.
Bean still naps in my arms. The last time we tried to transition to napping in the crib, we attempted for three days, three naps per day, which meant three hours of full-on crying and sobbing each day (her, not me, but I nearly went over the edge myself). Then she caught a cold. I don’t know when we’ll be ready to release each other (I’m just as attached to this, I think). My Pixie is a tenacious one.
Progress happens rapidly. At a play date Friday, she sat next to another little girl and they reached toward each other and babbled together. She’s becoming very social!

Beautiful Bean, you’ve grown so much in just six months! I look forward to discovering more of the world with you over the next half a year and beyond.

Aunt LP Is Here!

Concentration

These Are Silly

And therefore I must share them.

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
–Richard Diran

I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car’s headlights and tell you exactly which way it’s coming.
–Mitch Hedberg

I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
–Graffito

It’s been a lovely, warm sunny day. This afternoon I got outside and trimmed the lemon and orange trees in the back yard so we have a little more room. The branches were encroaching the patio and the fruits were moldering on the ground. Unfortunately, we cannot enjoy the fruit because the exterminator last year dumped the remaining poison out under the trees. The poison is not water-soluble (thus probably has not been washed away in winter rains), so we just don’t want to take any chances. But they look pretty and the blooms smell nice (but not the rotting fruit. Rotting citrus is sharp and nasty.)

How’s your day been?

Reassurance

From an email I wrote to a friend who has several children (but it was also me talking to myself and thus worth it to me to post):

Please tell me the fact that my daughter isn’t sitting unassisted at six months is okay. She’s long and petite; doesn’t have a lot of ballast in the butt to anchor her. (I don’t know what I’ll do when the next person to meet her says, “She’s so SMALL!” That’s one of two things people ALWAYS say. The other is, “She’s so alert!” I’m tempted to start saying that she makes up with brains what she lacks in brawn.)

Please tell me that my daughter flipping herself from tummy to back constantly doesn’t mean she’s never going to develop creeping, crawling, and walking. She flipped herself from tummy to back at the age of two weeks (she hated tummy time). Now she’ll accept it and remain on her tummy a few minutes, but it’s not her favorite thing. She has rolled from back to tummy a few times lately. I’m looking forward to when she makes the connection that she can control both ways.

Please help me remember that my daughter has been ill the past week and that it’s okay if we don’t do a whole lot of stimulating stuff. And it’s okay that I find things repetitive and tedious sometimes.

I know it’s not a contest, this raising of children. But sometimes being around other parents tempts comparison.

I can tell you this: I marvel at my daughter’s curiosity and sweetness. She is pure. And loving. And adorable. I’m very, very blessed to be her mother.

And her Aunt LP arrives Thursday for another visit! I hope by then Husband is over his second bad cold and Bean is over her first, so we can all enjoy our visit. 🙂

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The good:

We paid off our car loan and the title arrived today.
Bean discovered the delight of knocking a tower of cloth blocks over. Repeatedly. And she laughed each time.
I repurposed a basket that came with a floral arrangement when Bean was born, converting it into her Easter basket. Not that she’s old enough yet for it, but it will make a nice decoration.
Bean’s low-grade fever broke.
To reduce the risk of credit fraud, we completed the paperwork (quick and simple) to permanently opt-out of prescreened, pre-approved credit card and insurance offers. (You can too; go here.)
My free book arrived today.
Every Thursday morning Bean and I watch the garbage truck haul away the garbage (since it happens right outside her window, that’s unavoidable), and now the guy who works the truck looks up and waves at us each week.

The bad:

Husband thinks he is having a reprise of The Crud that he just got over.
Sometimes I miss the validation of shared experiences with coworkers one gets from an outside job. Sometimes the delight of a moment (such as Bean and her block tower) feels also a little lonely.

The ugly:

I ate an entire bag of Dove Promise dark chocolate eggs in the past two days. Oink.

At least the good outweighs all the rest.

A Little Soul

I knew that I had come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself.

–Oscar Wilde

A Mindful Life / Kathryn Harper

express : discover : renew : create