Category Archives: Motherhood

Poor Pixie

My sweet babe just devoured an 8-ounce bottle. I was burping her, and suddenly fountains of milk (and tummy medicine) erupted from her mouth, soaking her and me. I think she regurgitated the entire bottle. This startled her and scared me. She’s only done this twice before when she was very young. I woke Husband. We agreed that if it happens again today we’d call the doctor. He was the recipient of the two previous incidents and said that sometimes the bubble just happens to be on the wrong side of the tummy contents.

She’s also really congested, with a runny nose and sneezes; her stomach is probably full of mucus. So she definitely has a cold as well as the residual effects of the food reaction. She hasn’t got much energy. I put her in the exer-saucer to keep her upright while I got my breakfast, which I do every day. Today she just sat in it and stared at the toys, then stared at me. She’s not very smiley. Right now she’s in the swing and I’m right next to her. When that gets old, I’ll rock her to sleep and very likely just hold her for all naps.

Forward and Backward

Bean is working very hard to crawl. In her attempts to raise her bottom and get to her hands and knees, she does a good job traveling backward, which frustrates her, because it puts distance between her and the object she’s trying to reach.

working hard to crawl

But sometimes she gets to where she wants to go. She’s fascinated by zippers and very determined to figure out how they work.

fascinating!

In my eagerness to introduce solids, I gave Bean some Stage 1 (well-ground) chicken (commercially prepared baby food). It seems she may have an intolerance at this point. She’s had five poops today and a rash has begun on her bottom. This is similar to when we attempted to transition from hypo-allergenic to regular formula in December. However, she had only one day’s exposure, so I caught it quickly. The doctor recommended to hold off on meat proteins for a couple more months. She also said she often wonders about what’s in the jars; even though the ingredients say, for example, chicken and chicken broth, she wonders if there might be preservatives in there that can irritate. So until the reaction clears up, we’re sticking with peas and brown rice, oat cereal, rice cereal, carrots (not a lot), applesauce, and bananas. Then I’ll continue to introduce one new vegetable at a time and over a period of four days to see. I really don’t want to deal with a lot of food sensivities and allergies, but unfortunately I might just need to accept this possibility; Husband’s got family members who are allergic to pork, beef, tomatoes, yeast, oranges, milk (and some simply have a lactose intolerance). Still, I’m sure we’ll find something to feed her!

we do feed her, honest!

When I Say It’s Right Outside Her Window, I Mean It Literally

garbage truck

This truck, as well as the recycling truck, arrive at variable times every Thursday morning and are usually responsible for ruining Bean’s morning nap. This morning, by some fluke, she got a 90 minute nap in before the first truck arrived. She needs another nap but the other one hasn’t come through yet. It’s also impossible to avoid the smell of diesel exhaust even when her window is closed. Fortunately this only happens for about 10 minutes once a week.

We’ve made it a habit to watch the garbage truck since December, and now the garbage man always looks up and waves at us and smiles. She’s fascinated by it all, though cautious about the big noises. The roar of the motor that lifts the cans is louder, even, than the truck engine.

Bean’s got the sneezies and runny nose again, plus a little cough. And a sore bottom (four poops today and all before 10 a.m.); she cried at her last changing and I used Calmoseptine. And maybe another tooth coming in, because she’s a river of drool and chewing on everything.

Okay, I Admit It

I’ll face reality. A Mindful Life has become a mommy blog. Actually, it’s more of a diary of my experience; I certainly don’t pontificate on motherhood. As much as I’d like to insist otherwise, the regularity of posts about my new role, and the exclusivity of the topic, are evidence no denial can refute. Occasionally I’ll insert a post about something else, but they rarely garner any comments, and the posts aren’t frequent enough to dilute the mommy flavor. Perhaps someday I’ll write more about other topics, but this is my life now. Bean is my life. There. I’ve confessed, I’ve admitted. I don’t know about you, but I feel better. And now:

hmm... "c" is for cat

Hmm… “C” is for Cat

First

Bean’s first tooth has completely broken through, though it has a way to go before it’s fully in. It’s fun to watch her tongue twist and run over it. She’s fascinated with this thing in her mouth.

This afternoon, Bean ate her first entire 4-ounce jar of peas & brown rice. I was impressed.

This afternoon she also managed to get her butt in the air (she was on her tummy) and almost get to her hands and knees. The problem is she hasn’t coordinated how to have both her head up and her butt up. Up goes the bottom, and then her forehead lowers to the floor. Bean is getting stronger each day. It’s perceptible, this solidness and agility.

This afternoon we all went out for a walk at Memorial Park in Cupertino. It’s pretty, with a man-made pond that’s well-landscaped and populated by ducks and geese. Then we took a drive through neighborhoods we’d like to someday live (we harbor a dim hope we could afford to buy a home someday). Lastly, we all went to Great Clips so I could get a trim. She was a hit with the hairdressers and customers. Bean is a curious, cheerful, and confident child. Being with her makes me happy.

Gnawing and Napping Part 2

With the exception of yesterday morning, I’ve been doing very well with the naps and crib this week. Yesterday morning Bean woke after 50 minutes of sleep, and I knew she needed more. I have also figured out that she won’t settle herself back to sleep for naps but will cry as long as I allow it. So I went in to rock her back into slumber, and I ended up holding her for the whole hour, because it felt so good and cuddly.

However, the remainder of her naps were per the norm now. All week the napping in the crib has been mostly successful. Again, I’ve learned that if she falls asleep for at least 30 minutes (e.g., in the car on the way home from somewhere), there’s no point in trying to put her down (or leaving her to fall asleep again) until a couple of active hours have passed. She’s tired but not sleepy at that point. (Tangential note: Bean gets restless legs and kicks her feet whenever she’s got a poopy diaper, is hungry, or is tired and ready to sleep.)

Today she’s on her second nap, and it’s still morning! Some days she manages to stay awake longer between naps, and other days she needs frequent Zzzs. We’ve also arrived at the point where she falls asleep in my arms and remains asleep when I put her down.

It’s been nice to have a break for a shower, a meal, or chores.

Bean has also accepted peas, and she definitely likes applesauce. Cereal she’ll eat if it’s offered with fruit. Today she started bananas, and she really likes those. Once four days pass with the new fruit without incident, I’ll offer her a new vegetable. I’m introducing only one new food at a time to see if there are any allergic reactions. (It runs in Husband’s family.)

I have learned how to work with her on this. She’ll take a first spoonful and then often turn her chin up at it. However, I hold the spoon (loaded with food) near her and wait. I talk or sing to her. At some point she realizes that no milk is coming, so she’ll touch the food on the spoon, and then she grabs the spoon and tries to bring it to her mouth. In it goes! After this, she willingly opens her mouth for more until she’s full or it’s gone. Sometimes she helps me by holding the spoon, and sometimes she wants to just touch the food before she eats it. I’ve also learned that when she cries, and I know she’s hungry, I can slip a spoonful into her mouth and this reminds her that this is another way to sate hunger. She’ll stop crying and start eating.

When she’s full, she’ll determinedly turn her head and jut her chin upward. I’m trying to be aware of how I offer food. I want to keep food as free as possible from power struggles and emotional issues. It’s a nuanced encounter with Bean, because (especially with the bottle) eating has become more leisurely. With the bottle, sometimes she turns her head away, but if offered a second time within seconds, she takes it. Then she plays with the n*pple, gurgles and gargles her milk, kicks her feet, smiles, and flirts. After about five minutes of this Bean will drink earnestly. Sometimes it seems she’s done, and I’ll burp her; when she fusses, I know she wants more. Then she guzzles the rest. So somewhere in all this, I need to learn how to offer food sometimes more than once but not too many times that it becomes a battle.

Her legs are getting pudgy and strong. She’s not crawling, but she tries to get to her knees when she’s on her stomach. She can almost sit unassisted too. Soon enough, soon enough.

dexterity

Each Day Is New

Stayed up much too late last night (past 11:30!!) and woke at 5:30.

Bean ate a whole tablespoon of rice cereal and the same amount of applesauce this morning.

She ate two teaspoons of peas at lunch and dinner each.

She napped only 30 minutes in the morning and woke (she often wakes at 30 minutes and needs to learn how to settle back to sleep); she clearly needed more sleep, so I waited an hour. She cried the entire time. Husband stayed home from work today to “hold my hand” while I waited and learned to tolerate this. I’m on my own tomorrow, and I think we’ll be fine.

I took Bean out for an errand after the failed nap. Around noon (90 minutes after ending the last attempt) I rocked her and put her in the crib. She whimpered at most five minutes and then slept for 80. Her maximum nap time seems to be 80 minutes. She awoke and we went to the park.

Since she was still an hour short of rest, she practically rubbed her eyes off her face, so I rocked her at 5:15 and put her down in the crib again. She napped for 40 minutes. Then we all had dinner, she had a bath, and went to sleep at 7:30 like an angel.

In addition to playing at the park, Bean was also introduced to West African drumming. A man was practicing on a Djembe. He was thrilled to be asked about it and let Bean touch the goat-skin surface. She and I danced while he played, and then we took a walk.

Bean might be able to understand hello and bye-bye. I’ve started prompting her to wave at her reflection in the mirror and I wave too. Today we had many opportunities to say hello and bye-bye to her father. He waved and she waved back!! She probably doesn’t “get” what it means, but she’s mimicking and responding. He nearly melted into a puddle of schmoopiness each time she waved.

Can I tell you how happy I am? I love every day with my daughter.

reading brown bear brown bear

Liberation (And Other Tidbits)

I’m not sure how cogent this post will be, because I got up at 5:45 a.m. and, unlike the past three months, have not had any pockets of time in which to doze (as I used to get when holding Bean).

This morning when Bean woke I gave her a big bottle and played with her for nearly two hours, until she could barely stay awake. Then I rocked her for ten minutes and she fell asleep. As soon as I laid her down, she woke and started to cry. However, they weren’t the shocked You’re changing everything you can’t do that don’t you love me anymore? sobs of indignation. This time it was a protest, kind of a whiney cry, and she did this for only 20 minutes before dropping into a deep sleep for and hour and 20 minutes. During that time I took a long hot shower (luxury!) and called my mother to gab a half hour.

When she woke, Bean was hungry. So I offered her rice cereal and applesauce (trying some spoonfuls mixed and some separately). I managed to give her one tablespoon of cereal and probably almost equal of applesauce, after which she also drank 4 ounces of milk.

We ran errands as a family (tell me, does anyone else hate humanity whenever they enter a Costco?) and once we returned home, she was ready for lunch and another nap. I rocked her again and put her down awake. She cried meagerly for only five minutes. She slept for 50 minutes. Later in the afternoon she had one more 20 minute catnap, and she was in bed and asleep by 7:15.

She also enjoyed sharing another apple with me, and at dinner she ate a few spoons of applesauce as well.

How do ya like them apples?

apple snack

—
Two other notes. When Aunt LP was here, we took many walks at Central Park. One afternoon we heard the keening sound of bagpipes. I love me some bagpipes. We located the source, a young man (teenager?) practicing by the duck pond. I took Bean out of the stroller, and she listened with interest. When he paused we asked how long he’d been playing, and he said six months. He was really good for having just begun. So Bean got her first exposure to live music from another culture.

Also, she and I went to the Santa Clara farmer’s market for the first time today. While there, we met a man with a Saint Bernard. I’d forgotten how huge those dogs are. She was friendly, and while I patted her, the dog sniffed Bean and Bean smiled. What’s funny about this is that I asked the owner the dog’s name, and the answer was Bean. So Bean and Bean met. I didn’t have my camera but perhaps someday we’ll all meet up again at the market and I’ll take a snap.

Instead of a photo of Bean and Bean, here’s a photo of Bean wearing silly hair. It’s a privilege of parenthood.

my parents do silly things to my hair

Tomorrow we’ll have our friends over for dinner. I’ve made shortcakes and Husband cut up strawberries for strawberry shortcake as dessert. We’ll be grilling steak and veggies too. But right now I need to get horizontal and unconscious or I’ll be good for nothing tomorrow.

Gnawing and Napping

So far, Bean has rejected cereal after one spoonful each morning. I’ve even offered it before her bottle first thing in the morning, but she won’t eat until a bottle is in her mouth. I’ve mixed in apple sauce. I’ve offered applesauce at the tip of the spoon hoping the first taste of sweet would entice her. No dice. However, this afternoon I was munching on an apple while at the park; Bean was sitting between my legs (she can almost stay upright all the time but I remain her backup) and showed interest. I brought the apple to her, and she pulled it to her mouth. First she licked it and not long after she began gnawing on it. I would take a bite to expose more fresh flesh for her to enjoy. I can’t say she ate any amount, but she enjoyed the taste and experience.

In the past couple of days, Bean hasn’t napped well in my arms, only a half hour. She slept a half hour in the swing once. Multiple attempts to induce a nap (she’s obviously tired) resulted in nothing but a restless tired baby. Husband spoke to me last night about trying the crib again. He asked me to commit to a date. Ugh. Do not want! However, this afternoon when she just wouldn’t fall asleep, I decided to put her in the crib with her lovey blanket. I rocked her the usual time and then laid her down. She immediately began to cry, and I said sweet things to her and then left the room. This time I did not go in to check and console every few minutes. That only seems to calm her and then set off an escalated round of sobs when I leave. She cried for 40 minutes. Then finally she just gave up. I checked on her shortly after the cries stopped. She had turned herself onto her tummy with the blanket over her legs and back. I made sure her face wasn’t obstructed and tiptoed out. She slept for 80 minutes! Wow!!!!!!

When she woke she was hungry and still tired but cheerful. We then met another mother and her daughter at the park and hung out for an hour and a half. Bean is only three months younger than this other little girl, so there’s some compatibility in terms of movement and interaction (i.e., one isn’t walking while the other is just learning to sit). Now she’s in the swing being quiet, and yawning. I’m not going to try the crib again today; let her doze in the swing, and bedtime will come soon enough.

got it!

Got It!

Nom Nom Nom

Guess who has a tiny pointy corner of a tooth poking through her lower gum?

easter books 2

I don’t know how long it will take to completely erupt, but I felt it, and I hear it click when she bites down on her hard plastic toys. She’s pretty cheerful though, so maybe it doesn’t hurt. (Maybe they ache more before they erupt and once the skin is broken it just feels good to chew. I remember having braces, and the deep ache new wires would cause.)

I Am

My collage gift arrived and was happily received. So here’s a photo.

the mother i am

The Mother I Am

Now, my mother laid the foundation at the beginning, and I’ve written a tribute to her. Here it is again if you’d like to read it. The thousands of interactions that make up a childhood formed the core of the mother I am. However, there is something also about finding the companionship of a contemporary, someone who is just a little ahead of you or is going through the experience at the same time, that provides a different kind of strength.

In 2006 Karen Miller sent me a copy of her book, Momma Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood. Once I received it, I tucked it on the bookshelf. At the time I wasn’t sure I’d ever get pregnant successfully and was indeed wondering if I really wanted to try anymore. Then I got pregnant with Bean and read the book. I have not put it down for very long since.

Momma Zen is a treasure of meditations on motherhood. That sounds high-falutin’, doesn’t it? It’s really more like having a good friend talk quietly to you about all the things that come along with the baby: the upheaval of one’s life, the worries, the desire to protect your child while knowing absolute safety is impossible, the lack of sleep, the temptation to assert our ego hoping to control things. I’m not doing justice to the wisdom this book contains. Just know that I value it so highly (and Karen as well) that I give a copy to every friend who is a mother or about to become a mother. Karen and I have written privately as well, and she has talked me off a few cliffs of fear (my own concoctions). I don’t know that I’d have fared as well during the first few months of Bean’s life if Karen hadn’t been there, both in book form, on her blog, via email and the phone.

If I had more energy and time, I would have crafted a review that conveys just how essential this book is. But that luxury isn’t mine these days, so I’ll trust that you’ll check out the book yourself, as well as Karen’s blog, Cheerio Road.

Fighting the Good Fight

I’m trying not to get sick with what Bean has! I’m sneezing, feel chilled, am tired, have a sore throat. Ugh. I can’t get sick, I’m a mother! Here is a photo (taken by Aunt LP) for your enjoyment. It’s from our family dinner at the Fish Market.

i use the big glass

I Use the Big Glass

Weekend Status

My little sweet pea is sick again (since Friday) with another cold and/or a reaction to the vaccines. No fever. We’ve been giving her extra TLC.

And guess what? I made art! I made a collage last night. It’s a gift for someone who reads the blog, so I won’t post a photo of it until after I know it’s been received.

How We Spent Our Third Anniversary

Bean had her six-month check-up yesterday. On her last visit she was 12 pounds, 8 ounces and 24.5 inches tall. She is now 14 pounds, 6 ounces (at last, a little more than twice her birth weight!) and 26 inches tall. If she’d been born in Austin, we’d say she’s got the makings of a long, tall Texan. She is gaining weight, but since she’s also growing longer more rapidly (it seems), she keeps dropping in the weight/length ratio percentiles. Now she fits the 5th percentile (actually a bit less, 4.94%). But she is healthy!

The doctor put her in a sitting position, and Bean was a little wobbly but stayed up. The doctor thinks she’ll be sitting independently in another week or two. Bean recognized the doctor’s office and started to cry once we were in the examination room. I suppose she remembers what happened her last visit — the dreaded shots, which she got again. She cried this time too, but quickly stopped when we showed her the baby in the mirror. 🙂

Bean is fascinated with everything. She tried to grab the doctor’s stethoscope. When the doctor examined her ears, she kept moving her head to see what was being stuck in her head. She babbled up a storm; the doctor said she’ll probably start talking soon. I asked for clarification, and she meant that Bean will be attempting to intentionally make sounds similar to the thing associated with it, such as “mah” for “milk.”

Because Bean is rolling both ways and almost sitting independently, the doctor said it was okay to put a blanket in her crib. I’ve been using a cuddly blanket and stroking her face while I hold her during naps. My hope is that she’ll have associated the blanket with comfort and that it will provide this when we transition to napping in the crib. I still don’t have the gumption to try again yet. I really do cherish holding her. I’m relying on my intuition to tell me when to attempt another time.

The doctor also said Bean can start solids. We gave her the first serving of rice cereal this morning. That stuff tastes like paste, by the way. (Yes, I sampled it.) Awful, bland. But that’s what is recommended. She ate some. I took a couple photos and made a little movie for posterity. She didn’t spit it out, and she willingly opened her mouth for it. Since I made it with formula, and it was practically liquid, I suppose it tasted familiar.

first solids

As far as anniversaries go, it was a quiet one. We did give ourselves the gift of a new mini stereo for the downstairs area. We play a lot of music for Bean, and we needed something high enough to keep from her little hands. The old boom box was moved to our bedroom. (I fall asleep to the sound of waves.)

3rd anniversary gift

Yesterday afternoon we went to the park, and Bean sampled her new sand toys. (The playgrounds have giant sand play areas, but she’s too young yet to play in it.) Here’s another photo.

oh, what's this?

And since I’ve been posting so many photos of her lately, I suppose I’ll take a few days off from blogging here and give my readers a break.

In Just One Day

She changes by leaps and bounds. Today Bean decided to spend nearly all the day on her stomach, rolling and wriggling her way around the room. Her ability to grasp objects seems to have improved overnight. We had dinner at friends’ tonight, and Husband introduced her to his glass of water. She took a few sips. Later she was on my lap and I was holding my glass of water. I lowered my hand slightly and she grabbed at the glass with both hands to pull it to her mouth. So I assisted, and she sampled several sips more. She also grabbed at everything in front of her: my placemat, my plate, my fork. She even managed to get a fistful of food (couscous and chicken), but I wiped it off quickly. Husband went to check on her a few moments ago, and she was asleep on her tummy for the first time, her face turned to the side and her arms situated perpendicular to her torso, with one stuck between the crib slats. It was a happy, happy day all around.

taste test