Category Archives: Buddhism

Meditation

I’ve been sitting daily for 20 minutes, and I’m amazed how frenetic my thoughts are. They are faster and more erratic than any toddler. I sit, eyes half open, aware of the breath in my nostrils and counting, and all the while it sounds like a cocktail party in my head:

Boy, I can’t believe SHE did THAT… Need to get bread, bananas, and bologna… Claire is such a sweetie… When is the auto shop going to call about the repair? …I wish our home had air conditioning… Wish we had a back yard… Ooo, forgot to send that email to… The litterbox needs scooping… How much longer do I need to sit here? My back is killing me… I need to scratch my nose.

Sometimes I don’t think thoughts as much as see images in my mind’s eye: me walking with Claire, the house we almost bought, our living room strewn with toys. All too often I catch myself traipsing down the path of thought or following the images and then I pull myself back into the present and focus on my breath again. Then there are moments when I am aware of all the chatter in the background but remain undistracted.

It’s difficult to do this, but I feel the impact already.

In The Moment

Life is prodding me to stay present and not borrow trouble in the future. This is a discipline, one that requires traipsing after my thoughts like I do after my toddler.

The microwave broke again, despite our being careful not to use the front burner to cook steamy things (which apparently caused the circuits to short out last December, because the cupboards are not built to code, and the microwave is too close to the stovetop). It was a very expensive ($400+) repair the first time. Do you know how much we use a microwave? Dozens of times a day.

I mentioned this frustration at a play date, and another mother gave me a microwave that was sitting unused in her garage. They’ve bought a new house, so it’s one less thing for her to move as well. My problem is half-solved!
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My knee has been cracking more frequently of late. Yes, the knee that had surgery. It’s not the kneecap (though that cracks a little occasionally), but the femur and tibia crack when I walk up stairs or move certain ways. It hurts, too. I can’t produce the problem on command, however, so pinpointing it will be hard. I’ve started to compensate for my lack of confidence in that leg by limping a little, which has worsened the pain in my left heel as well. I feel old again. There will be no easy solution to this.
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This morning my little Eclaire and Husband gave me sweet cards that made me cry, some perfume (“my” scent that I’ve used 15 years), and Lindor truffles. Husband got up with me at 6 a.m. and made us pancakes for breakfast. We went to a park for 90 minutes, and then we went to look at a house. We liked it. It might be the one. But we’ll see. Mustn’t get ahead of ourselves.
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For Me

After nap, I went out with Claire to run an errand, and I found myself driving past the Chung Tai Zen Center of Sunnyvale. I’d heard of them a couple years ago but never pursued actually locating the center. I’d also been on a mailing list for another Zen center in Mountain View, but I just haven’t gotten there yet.

As I drove by, I told myself I’d stop in next Wednesday when the babysitter relieves me for awhile. Then I changed my mind, because I felt nudged to take action right then. So I unloaded Claire (who was wearing her cheap sunglasses on a rainy day) and carried her in with me.

I was greeted effusively by a monk who was very sweet to Claire. I told them I had stopped in on a whim and that I wondered if they held sessions or classes. I was introduced to the Vice Abbott who gave me some handouts. He had led us to a classroom where he I think planned to give me time to read the material and then return to answer questions I had, but with Claire that wasn’t feasible. So we chatted briefly, and I learned that they are just about to offer their next session of classes. Each class is two hours, with the first hour being instruction and the second being meditation.

The level 1 class involves learning about meditation methods: breath-counting, mindfulness of the breath, middle way reality (a Zen practice). The topics covered are introduction to Buddhism and Zen, Karma and causality, the Four Noble Truths (suffering, the causes of suffering, nirvana, the Noble Eightfold Path), Three Refuges, Five Precepts. This class is on Saturday afternoons and is three months long.

The one hitch is that the time of class, 3-5 p.m., falls directly into the time we usually attend open houses. Some open houses are only held on Saturdays. While we are taking May off from searching, we do plan to return to house hunting later. My attendance at class will interfere with this. But this is something I really need. Husband supports me doing this, and I consider my timing propitious.

So that’s where I will spend next Saturday afternoon. Yay me.