Yup, it’s a belly.

This post has been updated; see below for new information.

Liora is a blogging friend of mine. Recently she discovered a lump in her breast; the biopsy indicated it was cancer. This post describes just how aggressive the cancer is. The news is not good. To make matters worse, she’s had a hell of a time getting responses in timely manner from caregivers. After a disastrous first encounter with a rather “out there” doctor she found a good oncologist — but there have been snafus along the way as well, such as being told he’d start her on chemo a week after the surgery, only to learn on that week from the receptionist that he went on a long-planned two-week vacation and oh, by the way, forgot to tell her. Moreover, Liora is single, and like many folks, has a small social circle. Family lives far away. She’s been coping with all this pretty much on her own. One reason her situation resonates with me is that she is only 39; I had a scare with a couple cysts when I turned 40, and it could easily be me in this situation. My heart aches for her.

The recent news about her prognosis has made her aware that she needs more support going through this. If you would, please pop over and read the entry. In the end she asks readers what they have done to cope during times of crisis, and your suggestion might be helpful. Beyond helpful ideas, though, I believe just knowing there’s an ocean of compassion available to her is supportive and healing. That’s something the blogging community (readers as well as writers) is very good at demonstrating.

Liora’s blog is called Steeping, and the particular post I’m referring you to is titled Triple-negative.

Update: Liora’s blog requires you to create a log-in to leave comments. If you don’t want to do that, please leave your suggestions here in the comments and she can read them. Thanks.

[cross-posted at Knit Together]

Meet Raoul! (Hey, we were on vacation, feeling silly, so yeah, we gave names to stuff we liked.)

And now for a not-whiny post. Leah wrote about how she is reorganizing her space so she can work more fully, and she’s also trying to manage her time and projects more efficiently. Like her, I forget to look at the calendar on my computer software, especially since I don’t bring the laptop everywhere. I have a dry-erase calendar on the fridge, but that’s not portable either. I just finished a journal I collaged and started in 2005. With a child on the way and all the accessories needed to take her anywhere, I wanted to consolidate my calendar, journal, to-do lists, and sketching into one book. Leah happened to find a neat idea for a homemade life book. The three-ring binder route seemed too bulky for me, though I love the versatility. So yesterday I applied the concept, just a little differently.

I really like the Cachet spiral bound 7 x 10 inch sketchbook. The binding allows for easy fold-back use, the paper is of heavy weight, and the cover is sturdy. I had one awaiting inauguration. So I took an oil pastel drawing I made for Art Everyday Month 2005 and affixed it to the cover, making sure to add some coats of sealant to protect it. Considering that my life is about to shift into dimensions I’ve never experienced, with much of it out of my control yet completely wonderful (according to other parents), this piece seemed a good choice.

Then I used double-sided tape and card stock to make pockets in the front and pack for holding slips of paper, pamphlets, etc.

My computer calendar has a way to print out months and weeks in the format of Dayrunner planners in 5.5 x 8″ dimensions, so I printed off 18 months and glued them to one side of a page in the front of the journal. One one side is a calendar, and on the back side of the page it’s blank for writing to-do items for that month.

This arrangement leaves many pages for journaling, doodling, drawing or small collages. Since it took 19 months to fill up the last journal, I estimate that this will suffice until the end of 2008, because I’m sporadic with paper journaling and drawing.

This post is purely about ego. (They all are, but sometimes I rationalize that I’m motivated by more constructive or altruistic reasons.) We spent a busy weekend, beginning Friday evening through last night, nesting in the baby’s room. We unpacked toys, clothes, baby-sized hairbrushes and clippers, and so on. We bought a bookcase (securing it to the wall), a small stereo (for listening to the lullabies!), a floor lamp, and the mattress. We dressed the bed. (I even ironed the dust ruffle. People, I haven’t picked up an iron in about four years. I hate ironing.) Husband also assembled the travel system, which is kind of like a Transformer toy. Push a button and the thing automatically unfolds and pops open. Collapsing is just as easy. It’s a toy for big kids! We’re very pleased with ourselves and how the room came together. As of this week I’m eight months pregnant, so it’s now just a matter of patiently waiting while she adds more weight and nature puts the finishing touches on her. Here’s a photo or two. You can see the whole set too (only 14 photos).

Do you have recommendations for CDs that have good lullabies? There are zillions on Amazon and I’d prefer considering something personally recommended. I’d like to be able to sing along, and to learn some so I can sing whenever and wherever.

I’ve spent the day in bed with my leg elevated to prevent knee stress. I’ve also been belching like a Yellowstone Park mudpot. I’m simply running out of room inside. Whenever I eat anymore (and I’ve always consumed small meals), hunger is alleviated but quickly followed by a feeling of bloating, discomfort, and gas. (No heartburn, thankfully!) I’m not complaining; this is part of gestation. I’ve passed the hours by gluing photos into my pregnancy journal and updating entries, writing thank-you notes, and reading. Husband fetches anything I ask for. He’ll be cooking tonight.

This year I’ve been notably disinterested in my birthday, which is today. I’ve received several cards and some gifts, which I appreciate. Yet when people have asked if I made any special plans, the answer has been no. This natal anniversary suddenly seems irrelevant. I’ve become focused on another birthday, and mine pales in comparison.

For the first time in my life, I’ve felt to respond with, “What’s the big deal? It’s just another year.”

I feel odd!

When we moved in, the manager told us we could do whatever we wanted with the loden green curtains in the guest room, which we planned to be the baby’s room. I’m not keen on the color (which is much darker in the photo than in real life), but I’m not a seamstress, and I don’t want to purchase curtains that might not fit another window if we should move. So I shortened them instead. Here they were before, dragging on the floor:

And here is an after picture. The furniture is being delivered next week, so the room should soon have a new personality and become appealing, especially after I hang all the artwork. Right now it’s soulless.

A watermelon appears inert, settled on the soil basking in the sun. Even when small its future density transmits. Were you to watch it daily, you would be fooled into thinking nothing was happening.

But as it absorbs the heat of the sun, so does it suck water from the soil through its roots and vines. Hundreds of thousands of cells multiply, expanding the architecture of the thick rind and tender red flesh. The energy of the stars works within. It lies there, growing enormous, its heavy bulk indenting the soil. It is not graceful. If it had limbs, it would lumber and wobble, traipse clumsily along.

It does not complain about its condition. It simply exists as its nature. Ripening. Waiting. Waiting like a debutante for its presentation. Its purpose fulfilled when its inner gift is offered and accepted with thirsty gratitude.

I started painting and cutting, and time went on its merry way. The yellow butterfly will be trimmed once dry. Suddenly it’s almost 5:30 and I haven’t been outside on this lovely day. But I did enjoy every minute.

was relaxing, fun, and joyful. And more.

But now I’m worn out and will have to write more tomorrow.

I’m amazed by people’s lovingkindness.

Tomorrow is the baby shower my friends are holding for me. All my family lives out of town, so they sent gifts. My mother sent some that have personal significance and history, and so I called her and opened the gifts while on the phone.

The photo above represents some of what she sent. The white and gold blanket was used for my christening and my brother’s. The pale pink wisp of a slip was mine; I wore it as a toddler! She purchased the handmade layette from a friend decades ago, waiting for the day one of her children had a child. My siblings have not pursued parenthood, and neither had I for a long time; my parents were very cool about this. They never nagged their children about when one of us would provide a grandchild. But I know it was my mother’s hope. Purchasing the outfit and holding on to some childhood things was an expression of faith that someday, one of her children might take that path.

Here I am, in all my glowing glory. (I’m running much hotter as time goes on. Here comes summer!) My Prenatal Cradle arrived, and I feel a significant improvement already.

Saturday morning we arose early (for us) at 8:00 to attend the graduation of our friend. She completed a Spanish translation/interpretation credentialing program. Then we went to shop for a crib mattress at Babies R Us; we didn’t purchase, but I believe we know what we want now. We scored some serious baby stuff too, worth around $400. A friend of a friend no longer needed the items, and they’d been gifts, so they were offered to us. We inherited a bouncer (since we live on three floors, multiples are appreciated), swing, play saucer, and bassinette.

In the evening, we took the graduate out to dinner at McCormick & Schmick’s, which served mucho tasty food at a relaxed pace. It reminded us of our favorite Austin restaurant, Mirabelle. It was a luxurious meal, probably the last of such indulgences (financially) for a long time. The budget must make room for baby.

And so, my mood is better and steady. The knee and hip pain is abating with the yoga (though no other exercise is occurring). I need to take the three hour glucose test soon. Husband does want to go with me, and his schedule is clear Thursday. I’ve been away from blogs for several days, so now I’m going to catch up on some reading.

Yesterday my ticker noted the 100,000th visitor to this blog. Wow! I don’t track my statistics much, but I do think it notable. The visitor was from Austin, Texas, and the visit was at 6:08 p.m. Central time. An Apple computer with Mac OS X and a Safari browser was used (monitor resolution at 1024 x 768), and the Internet provider is sbcglobal.net (IP 71.145.200.). If you’re reading this and recognize yourself as the visitor, email and let me know. 🙂

Before I deal with the main topic, I’ll share what I saw on the side of a Goodwill truck:

While I know some jobs can be soul-deadening and exasperating, this tagline made me stop and think: some people don’t have any job and would give their eye teeth to have one. Even one that makes them hate Monday mornings.

—

I’ll be offline from May 3 through May 17. We were married in March of 2005, but with new jobs and limited vacation time, and with my father-in-law dying only three weeks after the wedding, we never took any kind of honeymoon. So we’re taking it now. Although in our case, this trip is also referred to as a babymoon — that last trip a couple takes before they spend the rest of their lives with little people in tow.

We’re driving, which is something I look forward to. We’ll be heading up to the Seattle area to visit a relative for five days, and for this we’ll take a direct, fast route. Then we’ll head back through Washington, Oregon, and California via the coastal route, meandering and stopping as we feel inspired. (Since the doctor has ordered me to stop every two hours — not three or four, she said, but two — to move around, we’ll have a relaxing pace. Besides, these days my stomach and bladder are about equal to the size of a hamster’s, so I need to attend to something every couple of hours anyhow.)

I plan to leave my computer at home. I’ll not be checking email or blogs, nor will I be writing anything. I decided not to create posts ahead of time to cover the days I’m gone. There will just be complete silence here. How refreshing! When I return I’m sure I’ll have photos galore and stories as well.

See you mid-month!

Amazing. This:

Becomes this:

Someone suggested that I should take orders and sell these. Hmmm.

Finished size: 3.5 inches tall x 5.5 inches diameter (18.5 inches circumference). Made with two strands held together of a skein of Cascade 220 (220 yards, 100% wool) and a two strands held together of a ball of Crystal Palace Aran Marl (102 yards, 100% wool, color 3005) on size 15 circular 24" needles and size 15 dpns. Used the pattern from One Skein.

We succeeded. We didn’t buy the travel system yet because that doesn’t require a 60-day lead time for delivery. For photos click to see more. Continue reading →

At the beginning of my pregnancy I’d seen a journal called The Belly Book. It seemed like a sweet idea, but I didn’t buy it right away. By the end of the first trimester I did get it, but I held off on filling this in until after the amniocentesis. Now I’m immersed. There’s a space for a photo of me every week. I don’t have photos of me from the beginning, and I take them every couple of weeks, so there’s a lot of blank space. I’m putting other images from calendars and children’s books that chronicle the pregnancy (such as when we packed and moved, when we found out baby is a girl, etc.)

Husband had a cold last week that laid him low — he rarely stays home from work. Though we tried to keep a distance from each other, it seems that I still caught it. Or am trying to catch it. I have a slightly sore throat. I’m trying to stave off the crud with plenty of rest, liquids, and hot lemon water with honey.