We found this opossum chillin’ in our backyard Saturday night. It was quite small, even for an opossum, so we think it was young. It was fearless, but not social or aggressive. It just watched us as we watched back, and I had the presence of mind to grab the camera, which didn’t faze the little one at all.
Imagine that. Wildlife in the center of Silicon Valley.
Dear World,
Have I told you about Hands On Bay Area? I am enthusiastic about this organization for some very practical reasons.
Many people feel they don’t have time to volunteer, because agencies often request a commitment of X hours per week or month, and they sometimes want a commitment to volunteer six to twelve months. Some people aren’t sure what they want to do in terms of volunteering, while others simply enjoy variety, and commiting to several agencies isn’t feasible with life’s other demands.
Hands On Bay Area provides a creative solution that helps individuals and agencies connect. HOBA is a liasion with more than 300 community-based organizations that provide a range of services; HOBA sets up projects with these agencies. Volunteers can choose from a variety of events, from helping maintain the Heritage Rose Gardens, sorting donated goods at Sacred Heart, creating teaching kits at Resource Area For Teachers, serving food to the homeless, or reading to children who are residents at a domestic violence shelter. (And this is just a small sample!) Volunteers can choose to participate as their schedules permit. If a person has lots of free time, she can sign herself up for as many events as she wishes. When her schedule becomes overbooked, she can stop until life calms down. The orientation process takes less than an hour, after which volunteers log on to their own accounts to sign up for (or remove themselves from) projects.
In addition to their usual events, Hands On Bay Area coordinates one day a year devoted to over 75 service projects to raise awareness of their program as well as funding for the next year. I have registered to work on this day. HOBA calls this massive undertaking a serve-a-thon. By registering I have set a goal to raise funds as well as provide my physical assistance on October 15. This post is my shameless plug for your support. If you are interested, please take a moment to visit my donation page to pledge.
The memoir group I established met tonight for the first time. A total of four women, we make an intimate group. Before the meeting, we were completely unknown to each other (they’d replied to my invitation on Craigslist). Thus, founding such a circle is an adventure, at least with regard to personality. As it turned out, two of the women were acquainted from another group! The energy among us thrummed; we each told why we were there and a little about ourselves, and we talked about the way we’d like to group to operate. These are smart women, as well as genuine and warm. I’m motivated to write, now. Our next meeting is in two weeks.
And then there is my knitting goal. The reason I haven’t started learning is that I want to take a class. However, my schedule doesn’t work with what they’re offering until October. I could sit down with the book, and I will. But Commuknity is thriving. I am drawn there and eager with anticipation. I want to go to the knitting circle or the KnitLit discussion, but since I lack basic skills, I feel I can’t yet. Perhaps that’s silly.
I have plenty to keep me occupied, however. My potted plants have become listless; they need larger homes, and weeds have overrun the garden. There’s a canvas waiting to be collaged. I owe some effort and time to the writing forum in the form of critique. I joined last week and feel overwhelmed with the amount of activity there. With company, I haven’t had time to explore, so settling in there is foremost on my mind. Oh, and one last thing. I had coffee with TC, a friend from my job. To our mutual pleasure, we discovered that we both enjoy collaging, tarot meditation, and writing. So Monday we have a creative date; she’s coming over for tea, talk, and to page through magazines for images.
While it’s been lovely having company, showing my mother-in-law the sights and a peek into our lives, I dearly need my routine again. I am an introvert. Anytime I doubt this I need only to have extended, face-to-face contact with a person; I wilt. I need expanses of solitude. I do enjoy particular people, but as a whole, I’m not fond of the teaming masses. (I’ve spent the past week trying unsuccessfully to convey my sense of the world to an extrovert. Extroverts mistake being personable for being social.)
Another insight was refreshed for me as well. I would be well-advised to select a small range of activities and dedicate my efforts to them. I want to arrest my tendency to dabble and buy how-to books. Shallow interest, combined with insecurity about being a novice, hinders involvement. Since I have insomnia tonight, I’ve spent time prioritizing what matters to me, so I can use my time more fully. They fall into three general categories: creativity, community, and health.
Creativity encompasses writing, reading, collage art, photography, gardening, and learning to knit. Community includes volunteer work, church, nurturing budding friendships here, and tending my long-distance relationships. Health pertains to exercising daily in some fashion, participating in walkathons, and eating well. Even this is a sizable list, when one also factors in the time I want to spend with my husband, as well as time and energy consumed by mundane duties.
I like schedules — as long as I create them for myself. I find it motivating to book appointments for the priorities I mentioned. The calendar reflects my commitment to follow through even if no one else will participate. Julia Cameron writes about making an “artist’s date” with oneself. One can also make a date to exercise or to follow-up on a phone call or email from a friend. (In fact, my ten-year correspondence with a friend flourished because I made notes of points needing response and dedicated a couple hours every Saturday morning to write.)
This week’s visit full of conversations about interests and goals has triggered the second insight regarding intention, concentration, and movement into life, rather than darting over it. One can so easily talk about what one wants to do, but discussion can and does become a means of avoidance. My Wise Self implores me to remember the values I hold dear: express, discover, renew, create. Okay, I say to my dear self, this post was an effort to jump-start my life. And now I am ready to sleep.
In the past week I’ve been pretty darn busy, and it’s been fun. First, I perused online writing workshops and found one I really liked — The Writing Bridge. They are a small group, but very active. Submission of writing samples was required for admission. They are serious about writing and critique, and I foresee whiling away many productive hours on the forum. I also received interest from local people who want to try writing memoir. I’ve set a date. I hope folks show up for the meeting, but even if not, I’ve put the meetings on my calendar and established a location. I will go regardless — a date with my muse. Though it would be more fun, I think, with at least one other writer involved.
Thursday my mother-in-law and I visited the San Jose Museum of Quilts and Textiles and then had afternoon tea at a downtown cafe. Since she has begun learning to knit, and I’ve been intrigued about this time-honored craft, we paid a visit to a store that Lynn referred me to. (Despite being on the east coast, she has extensive knitting acquaintances!)
We entered Commuknity and browsed a few minutes. Then I introduced myself to Nathania Apple, who runs the store. She and her friends, Kate and Chloe, were so warm and friendly that I felt comfortable peppering them with questions. They radiated their love of knitting and happily provided advice. I learned that the needles I’d bought a couple months ago were too bulky to learn on, and the yarn I’d chosen too difficult for a beginner, so they guided me to the appropriate tools. They assured me I would come to use the other needles and yarn someday. The store has an airy yet cozy atmosphere; there’s even a living room in which to sit and knit. They have social gatherings, a book group, and classes — all just two miles from my home. I look forward to this new craft.
Just in case the treacherous cliff doesn’t persuade you…
Along the coast there are numerous such signs, all in remote locales with nary a phone to be seen. What did they think people would do back then, before cell phones? I wonder.
Three hundred sixty-five action-packed days ago we arrived in Santa Clara. I know my way around a bit, but much of Silicon Valley remains unplotted for me. I’ve met some lovely people and made acquaintances. It was stressful, this transition, since it was accompanied by family problems and big events. My energy was scattered and I had trouble identifying the shape I wanted my life to take. I hope next year brings more clarity and depth. I intend to continue making collages and playing creatively. I commit to my writing more seriously. I will find a way to use my counseling skills.
The key, I think, to achieving the inner bounty I desire is to apply focus and discipline. I reveled in the time involved making that recent collage. To prepare for a photo session for the magazine interview I did, I started another canvas. I’ll an appointment with myself to spend time on the project, and when I finish this one, I’ll set another one in motion and make a date with myself again. Repeat, and repeat again.
With regard to writing, I’ve decided to commit effort to the genres of memoir, personal essay, and poetry. I accept that I have no interest in writing fiction and “real writers” don’t all write for that genre. I do want to learn more about freelance writing, although this may take time to break into. Meanwhile, I have plenty of source material for writing about life. I put a notice on Craigslist to create a memoir-writing group; three people have responded so far.
As for the counseling, I need to contemplate the life coach practice I’d incubated last year. I have contacts, and I could explore this. It appeals as a future source of work because it would be flexible, allowing time to be a mother — another endeavor I hope to undertake. With these aspirations, along with reading and taking care of my physical fitness, my life is rich and meaningful.
On Wednesday my mother-in-law arrives for a week — her first visit here. There will be much to do and see and probably less time spent on the Web. Then a couple of short weeks later will find me winging east to Syracuse, where I’ll visit my parents and one of my sisters. We plan to head to my mother’s hometown to see relatives too.
This is all an auspicious beginning of my second year as a Californian.
It’s the way to educate your eyes. Stare. Pry, listen, eavesdrop. Die knowing something. You are not here long.
–Walker Evans
How about a new photo (instead of the spider photos in the last post)? This one was taken inside Hearst Castle; it was in Hearst’s private movie theater.
Intruder
Since we arrived in California one year ago, I’ve noticed three traits about California living: a proliferation of shopping carts parked in places far from where they belong (more on that another time); an absence of mosquitoes; and more spiders in one year than I’d confronted in the decade I lived in Texas. This summer exposed us to dozens and dozens — nay, twice that at least. As a child I had a phobia regarding spiders. As much as my mother reassured me of their helpfulness, I was hysterically afraid of their numerous, spindly, creepy legs, as well as their sticky webs and quick movements. The sight of spiders petrified me, especially large-bodied ones. The summer I was 12, I felt something lightly tickling my arm as I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep. I switched the light on and saw the source: a not-too-large spider on the wall. I leaped out of bed, shaking and blanketed in goosebumps. I whimpered. I couldn’t get it; in those days, I was too scared to capture them in tissue and kill them, much less try to set them free. So I slept on the living room sofa instead, as well as for a few nights following (I crept downstairs after my parents retired for the day). Eventually I moved out on my own and realized my only rescuer would be myself. So I learned to grit my teeth and eliminate spiders when they showed themselves. I was still unnerved by them, but capable of coping. In my late twenties I began volunteering at a nature center and would take long hikes. As I came across tree stumps, underbrush, or nooks and crannies, I would note the spiders I saw. I disciplined myself to observe them, to watch their movement. I decided that I could be at peace with spiders, to a point, as long as they were outside. I read about them. I tried to appreciate them from a distance. During my years in Austin, the only major spider I encountered was the (I believe) black widow which had made a home in a lush plant hanging on my balcony. It startled the wits out of me when I watered the plant and saw it scurry. My solution was to wrap the entire plant in a cruddy old blanket and carry it all to the dumpster. Subsequent years brought greater acceptance. If the spiders were very small — under the size of a pencil eraser — I felt amiable toward them, and would try to capture and release them outside. I continue to do so.
Captive
But I draw the line, people, at a certain size. (Last summer I glimpsed my first tarantula with a kind of awed horror. I was visiting my sister and her husband in Arizona; they live on relatively unpopulated land. It was in a hole outside, a decent ten or so feet away from me. It still looked enormous from that distance.) Sometimes I’ve prevailed upon my husband to handle them — one night we had three medium-sized spiders in our bedroom, and he sicced the vacuum cleaner on them. Another night, as I turned down the bed, one scrambled across the comforter. I emitted only a minor yip of surprise and then gave it the facial tissue-to-toilet treatment. If I see them in the house at a distance and they aren’t too large, I leave them alone. A tiny spider lives by the edge of our kitchen sink without harassment. About a week ago, I spotted a hefty one crawling across the the kitchen ceiling. My husband wouldn’t do spider duty; he said he’d given up, since there are so many. Eyeing it with a shiver, I decided to let it alone and hope it disappeared. It did. But the next night as I lounged on the sofa with my laptop, a small dark movement in the corner of my eye alerted me; I jumped up and saw that damn spider running this way and that on the sofa. Grimly I grabbed a tissue and killed it with vengeance. My feeling is: You stay on the wall, out of sight, far away, and I’ll leave you be. But you crawl near me or over me or across my path, and you’re toast. (Yes, I realize I’m vastly larger, and that spidey is more afraid of me than I of it. This is why I get to call the shots.) The photos in this post are of the spider I encountered Friday night — the biggest so far. It was on the bathroom wall. My husband agreed it was indeed too large to ignore. Imagine trying to sleep knowing that prowled your boudoir walls. While he went to get the means of handling it, I snapped the photo. Then, when I had the mason jar and a greeting card, I captured it. It moved lightning-fast and made noise as it scuttled in the jar. I was fascinated in a slightly shuddering way. I was willing to take it downstairs and release it outside, but my husband wanted to flush it. I paused, deciding whether I would let compassion rule. It didn’t, unfortunately for the spider. It met its watery demise. And yes, I know that spiders do far more good than harm. I know this was a funnel-weaver that was not poisonous to humans and supposedly wouldn’t bite. I know that I ought not kill hapless, non-aggressive beings. Regretfully, this logic does not override my limbic response. This may explain why I would not make a very good Buddhist!
Notice the oddity with the window painting? Take a look at the spelling on the right. How would it look from outside looking in, as the painter intended?
Hands On Bay Area creates social change by mobilizing our communities. Every day, Hands on Bay Area volunteers are helping to address the needs of more than 300 community-based organizations in a wide variety of meaningful, flexible volunteer opportunities.
Volunteering with Hands On Bay Area is easy, simply register online and then attend one of our New Volunteer Orientations. There are over 100 volunteer opportunities each month in San Francisco, the East Bay, the Peninsula and the South Bay. To learn more, please browse our online project listing or phone us, 415/541-9616 or 650/965-0242, with any questions.
