The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination.

–John Schaar

Within your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go.

–Louise Driscoll

I have a dream that is beginning to manifest, but it is possible that it will be curtailed.

I am trying not to make negative predictions as a means of protecting myself against disappointment. Bracing myself for not getting what I want is a habitual response which I developed years and years ago. In truth, it is just as possible that the situation will resolve itself in the way I want it. Agitating myself and generating negative energy creates misery and, for all I know, might affect the outcome, bringing me the conclusion I fear. What is the sense in that?

Instead, I am trying to sit with the unknown. I am trying to focus on what matters in this moment. Eckhart Tolle would conclude that the issue concerning me is not my life, but my “life situation.” He believes that we live in psychological time, mostly focused on the past or future, and thus miss experiencing life. He encourages using one’s senses fully, to become absorbed in The Moment. Eckhart purports that all problems are illusion of the mind. He writes:

Focus your attention on the now and tell me what problem you have at this moment. I am not getting any answer because it is impossible to have a problem when your attention is fully in the Now. A situation needs to be either dealt with or accepted. Why make this into a problem? The mind unconsciously loves problems because they give you an identity of sorts. This is normal, and it is insane.

–Eckhart Tolle, Practicing the Power of Now

That last sentence makes me smile. What I take from this is that when I begin to fret over something that I will not know the answer to for awhile, or when I worry about an issue which is not directly bearing down on my life at this moment, I am creating pain for myself. And I am missing my life.

Ah, this wisdom, it is difficult to apply! In fact, Tolle might even disagree with Driscoll, saying that to keep a dream in one’s heart is a distraction from living, because it pulls one’s attention to the future.

Writing about this helps to a point, but only in that it provides me the relief of expression, since writing is one way I make sense of my life. I’m not the only one out there with a hope that may be dashed, who has to live with not knowing until the situation develops to reveal the answer (though having company in this doesn’t exactly comfort). This is an opportunity to activate myself, to live the spiritual practice of awareness and immersion in the moment, to wonder and be amazed and grateful.

Oh, by the way, it does appear that my blog break is over. And here’s an explanation: a number of days ago I received some negative feedback on a post that stirred up a lot of painful emotion (the issue I posted about was painful to me, as were a couple of comments). The post — which, being an expression of myself, is equivalent to I — was used by this person as part of an essay critiquing Buddhist blogs; my post became an object lesson, because it did not reflect this person’s idea of what a mindful person would post. (Note: I’m not a declared Buddhist, nor do I claim expertise on the religion, or any religion.) My response to the pain was to retreat; I wanted to protect myself. To the author’s credit, he did not use identifying information nor link to my blog. But given the depth of pain, I shut down. Again, this is something Tolle would assert is part of psyhological time. It is not happening in my life now; it is not real, and the pain I feel arises from clinging to past events and beliefs about them. So, I’m back.

Let go, and respond to the immediate needs around you. Don’t get caught in some false perception of yourself. There will always be another person more gifted than you. And don’t perceive your position as important, but be ready to serve at any moment. If you can let go of who you think you are, you will become free — ready to love others. If you learn to see your impermanence, you will be able to live for the moment and not miss opportunities to love by pushing things into the future.

–Thich Nhat Hanh

Periodic breaks are needed from blogging and the whole web world. I’ve got a lot of tasks to attend to, and the weather is begging me to be outdoors more. And sometimes I get tired of what’s going on in my own head — thinking… feh! That’s a certain way to get caught up on false sense of self. So it’s time to return to the present, and to the embodied, for a little while. I’ll be back from Austin on the 28th — rested and refreshed!

Life has been intensely busy here with the end of the school year. I’ve also been more tired lately, and taking care of my body by giving it much-needed rest. Between these two things, I’ve had little time and no energy to look for stimulating quotes; nor have I generated a single original (let’s not even hope for profound!) thought myself. Otherwise, though, all is generally well. I’m going to miss my students; we’ve come so far since January.

But wait! Here’s a quote from something I read last week. It also contains a clue as to what’s been going on with me.

You yourself are the child you must learn to know, rear, and above all enlighten. To demand that others should provide you with textbook answers is like asking a strange woman to give birth to your baby. There are insights that can be born only of your own pain, and they are the most precious. Seek in your child the undiscovered part of yourself.

–Janusz Korczak

Religion is not about accepting twenty impossible propositions before breakfast, but about doing things that change you. It is a moral aesthetic, an ethical alchemy. If you behave in a certain way, you will be transformed. The myths and laws of religion are not true because they conform to some metaphysical, scientific, or historical reality but because they are life enhancing. They tell you how human nature functions, but you will not discover their truth unless you apply these myths and doctrines to your own life and put them into practice. The myths of the hero, for example, are not meant to give us historical information about Prometheus or Achilles — or for that matter, about Jesus or the Buddha. Their purpose is to compel us to act in such a way that we bring out our own heroic potential.

–Karen Armstrong, The Spiral Staircase

Take care of yourself — you never know when the world will need you.

–Rabbi Hillel

Another week wanes. June is sneaking through the back door. Nearly one-half of this year has slipped through the net. We can’t catch time. We can only immerse ourselves in it, and flow along.

There’s no news about Sophie. I called yesterday and today and was told the report hadn’t come in yet. Drat. Now I have to wait until Tuesday to find out if this is benign. Her belly is healing up nicely, and she’s back to her regular quirky, perky behavior.

This evening I’ve tended to job tasks — setting up final tests for our students. I also tinkered with my art page, neatening the photo edges and adding borders. It looks pretty nice, I think.

I’ve been devouring books lately. I have a voracious appetite, and perhaps a bit of a compulsion to remain absorbed in words, a story. Lately I’m reading mostly memoir, biography, or fiction, though soon I plan to start Peter Kramer’s recent book.

Meanwhile, we have our good days and bad days. I’m not speaking only of the “royal we,” but of we who reside in the household. Grief has made us fragile. A small tension can jolt our equilibrium. I’m irascible; my edges protrude, I’m angry about certain things (sometimes I’m just angry but don’t know why), and I’m finding little compassion within. We don’t have much to spare for ourselves, for each other, or for the needs of other members of our tribe.

Still, I read the following with interest, and was heartened:

Compassion has been advocated by all the great faiths because it has been found to be the safest and surest means of attaining enlightenment. It dethrones the ego from the center of our lives and puts others there, breaking down the carapace of selfishness that holds us back from an experience of the sacred. And it gives us ecstasy, broadening our perspectives and giving us a larger, enhanced vision. As a very early Buddhist poem puts it: “May our loving thoughts fill the whole world; above, below, across — without limit; a boundless goodwill toward the whole world, unrestricted, free of hatred and enmity.” We are liberated from personal likes and dislikes that limit our vision, and are able to go beyond ourselves.

This insight is not confined to Buddhism, however. The late Jewish scholar Abraham Joshua Heschel once said that when we put ourselves at the opposite pole of ego, we are in a place where God is. The Golden Rule requires that every time we are tempted to say or do something unpleasant about a rival, an annoying colleague, or a country with which we are at war, we should ask ourselves how we should like this said of or done to ourselves, and refrain. In that moment we would transcend the frightened egotism that often needs to wound or destroy others in order to shore up the sense of ourselves. If we lived in such a way on a daily, hourly basis, we would not only have no time to worry overmuch about whether there was a personal god “out there”; we would achieve constant ecstasy, because we would be ceaselessly going beyond ourselves, our selfishness and greed.

–Karen Armstrong, The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness

There is someone in my life for whom I am struggling to find compassion. And, while I may write thoughtfully on this blog and provide numerous illuminating quotes, I remain hobbled by my own ego and selfishness. Posting this material here is my praxis. Surely with enough repetition, I will heal and re-shape my response to the world, and to this person.

Bill Bryson, in his book I’m a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After Twenty Years Away, wrote a compelling address to a graduating class. All of the speech was notable, but two parts grabbed my shirt collar and shook me.

Take a moment from time to time to remember that you are alive. I know this sounds a trifle obvious, but it is amazing how little time we take to remark upon this singular and gratifying fact. By the most astounding stroke of luck an infinitesimal portion of all the matter in the universe came together to create you and for the tiniest moment in the great span of eternity you have the incomparable privilege to exist.

For endless eons there was no you. Before you know it, you will cease to be again. And in between you have this wonderful opportunity to see and feel and think and do. Whatever else you do with your life, nothing will remotely compare wiht the incredible accomplishment of having managed to get yourself born. Congratulations. Well done. You really are special.

Ah, Bill, how I wish ye lived on my shoulder to whisper this whenever I forget. But let me not neglect an equally important point. Bryson continues:

But not that special. There are five billion other people on this planet, every one of them just as important, just as central to the great scheme of things, as you are. Don’t ever make the horrible, unworthy mistake of thinking yourself more vital and significant than anyone else. Nearly all the people you encounter in life merit your consideration. Many of them will be there to help you — to deliver your pizza, bag your groceries, clean up the motel room you have made such a lavish mess of. If you are not in the habit of being extremely nice to these people, then get in the habit now.

Millions more people, most of whom you will never meet or even see, won’t help you, indeed can’t help you, may not even be able to help themselves. They deserve your compassion. We live in a sadly heartless age, when we seem to have less and less space in our consciences and our pocketbooks for the poor and lame and dispossessed, particularly those in far-off lands. I am making it your assignment to do something about it.

Again, the reminder is a worthy one. What about you? What one thing, however small, will you do — today — to better the world? One small action will have a positive impact. Yes. It really will. Ah, you wonder what it is I’ve done? Well, today I ordered books to give to my ten students at the end of the year. (The fourth graders will get The Cricket in Times Square, and the fifth graders will receive Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.) I also wrote a check to support Modest Needs. I’ll see you that and raise you one act of kindness.

I highly recommend you get your hands on this book. Bryson’s puckish, astute views on life and his ability to poke fun at himself make me hope he continues writing for a long, long time to come.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

–John Fitzgerald Kennedy