Usually Claire wakes around 4 or 5 a.m. hungry. However, the past couple of nights, she woke at 2:30 or 3:00 and ate, only to wake again at 5 a.m. Of course Mommy came quickly with a bottle, except… she wasn’t hungry. She wanted company and to play a little, then go to sleep in her swing. Well. Momma isn’t enthused about that.

Now, I’ve resorted to the swing since she was born, because it works (mostly, most often), and because it’s convenient, and she doesn’t protest, and I’m conflict-avoidant. And somewhere along the way I developed the idea that she would not let me put her to sleep in the crib. She’ll let her father but not me. Of course, this isn’t true. She doesn’t have the power to prevent me, and it’s not as though she has a complex thought process yet. It’s simply been our custom not to use the crib. And many times I’ll just hold her while she sleeps in my arms, although as she gains weight my arms are going numb. I rationalize that she won’t be small forever and she won’t want to be held forever, so I’m enjoying this while I can. I’m aware this needs to change eventually. Given that we’ve had two days of night-time waking where she wasn’t hungry, I decided this might be a good starting point.

So I put her back in her crib at 5:05 a.m., kissed her and said “night-night” and left. The protest crying commenced. Boy, was she mad!! I checked on her at 10 minutes, then 15, then 30. Each time I entered the room, she would calm down and settle when I gently rubbed her tummy. I said loving things and then left after a couple minutes. The protest crying would begin again. During this entire time, I was uncomfortable, struggling with a desire to just pick her up and put her in the swing. But really, I kept telling myself, she is all right. I had tried to feed her. I’d checked her diaper. She’s still sleepy (she’d yawned several times). The cries waned and silent intervals grew longer, until at 6:20 she fell asleep.

She woke up 20 minutes later, and by that time, I knew she was hungry. She ate well, and then I kept her up to play until 8:40. She became whiney and rubbed her eyes a lot, so I took Claire to her room, rocked her a few minutes, and then put her in the crib. She woke and stirred, then fell asleep. This lasted for 30 minutes until the garbage trucks came. She woke and fussed, and I decided to put her in the swing. She slept until 10:45, woke to eat, and then played more.

At noon she got tired again; I rocked her and put her in the crib. This time she slept 1 hour, 15 minutes. And guess what? I got to take a shower!!!! I was extremely pleased about both achievements. Claire woke cheerful, and we had a lovely couple hours of play. I put her in just a diaper on a soft blanket in her room (cranking up the heat), and she luxuriated in the softness. She hasn’t had much bare skin time since she was born at a cool time of year. We played with jingly toys, and I made her laugh a lot. I read her stories, and then it was snack time again.

The last nap of the day was around 4:00 p.m., and I put her in the swing for that. She’d dozed off just as she finished her bottle (and I fed her in the living room), so it made sense not to disrupt her much. Since I’d been awake since 4:30 a.m., I also napped on the sofa. She woke at 6:00 p.m. And now she is in bed, has been asleep since 7:30.

Oh, I know this blow-by-blow account is probably tedious reading, but I’m pretty happy with what we managed to do today. I learned that:

It’s all right that I want to enjoy her while she’s small.
Eventually she’ll get too heavy for me to hold.
Eventually she’ll outgrow the swing.
I can put Claire to sleep in her crib.
I can survive the discomfort of her protests.
She doesn’t always have to sleep in her crib for naps.
While consistency is good, there is no one right way to do things.
We have her sleeping comfortably at night in the crib, which is no small feat.

Tomorrow we’ll try this again. My strategy will be to try to extinguish 5 a.m. social wakings by doing the “let cry, then check and console” method, and I’ll be consistent about this. I’ll be open to trying the other naps in the crib, but won’t berate myself for using the swing sometimes. Eventually, we’ll get this sorted out.