The topic of loneliness has been on my mind ever since I read a fellow blogger’s post pondering the isolation of today’s lifestyle. He was wondering what happened to friendships in his life. There are acquaintances at work, and there are friends from the Internet. The Internet friendships are real and significant, but there is an aspect of existence not satisfied by such intangible connection. Where are friends in flesh and blood? Why is it so hard to meet people who share common interests and develop rich, dependable relationships with them? This is a culture of increasingly superificial and fleeting three-dimensional interaction. This in itself is not “bad” or “wrong.” However, the majority of the population is oriented towards extroversion, towards connection and interaction with people, and I believe technology cannot supplant this need. Even loners need in-person connection, albeit less often, and they too experience loneliness. How can you tell the difference between solitude, which promotes well-being, and loneliness, which destroys it?

Here’s an excerpt from Psychology Today:

The Difference Between Solitude and Loneliness

From the outside, solitude and loneliness look a lot alike. Both are characterized by solitariness. But all resemblance ends at the surface.

Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely — perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness.

Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.

Solitude is a time that can be used for reflection, inner searching or growth or enjoyment of some kind. Deep reading requires solitude, so does experiencing the beauty of nature. Thinking and creativity usually do too.

Solitude suggests peacefulness stemming from a state of inner richness. It is a means of enjoying the quiet and whatever it brings, that is satisfyying and from which we draw sustenance. It is something we cultivate. Solitude is refreshing; an opportunity to renew ourselves. In other words, it replenishes us.

Loneliness is harsh, punishment, a deficiency state, a state of discontent marked by a sense of estrangement, an awareness of excess aloneness.

Solitude is something you choose. Loneliness is imposed on you by others.

I came across The Web of Loneliness, a site that explores the experience — that sometimes feels like a plague — of loneliness. The site provides an overview of the various theories of loneliness: its causes, the experience of it, ways to cope. There is a section on art and loneliness, and a questionnaire. A page of links provides seekers with paths to a discussion group and numerous websites providing information on how to cope. It’s a rich resource for everyone, even if you don’t currently feel lonely.

This issue of loneliness is complex and central to our lives, so expect to see more posts on it. And if you have information or ideas to share, please do.