Today Claire was a bit subdued and sleepy. It could be due to the circadian rhythm of winter. It could result from all the excitement from the 24th and 25th. Could be she’s fighting off a cold or other illness that she was exposed to. She wasn’t cranky — just quiet, and she slept a lot — several naps of two hours each.

For one nap in the afternoon, Claire slept from 3-5 p.m. She’d stirred a few times. I was immersed in a book as she slept in the swing. Shortly after 5:00 I was seized with the realization she had not stirred in awhile. When she’s in motion in the swing, it’s hard to see her chest move as she breathes. I looked at her. She was a normal color but completely immobile. I touched her left hand. No response. I then lifted her right hand. It was absolutely limp and floppy. I let it go, and it fell. I did this again and with the same result. By this time I felt panic and horror; the ground fell away, my head whirled, and my chest clenched while I lifted her hand again twice more before putting my hand on her tummy and jostling her awake. All this happened within a few seconds; describing it makes it seem longer and reduces the intensity of the momentary terror I felt that my child might have died as she slept next to me. I wanted to cry from relief.

She woke from a deep sleep at my intrusion, bleary-eyed and confused. I apologized and scooped her up. She was hungry and devoured six ounces. She remained awake, quiet but alert. Husband came home and she was cheerful, but oh-so-sleepy. Maybe it’s a growth spurt? She consumes about 24-29 ounces a day of milk, which is a hearty amount. She’s growing brraaaaaaaiiiiiiiinssss, and that may require more sleep some days.

As my MIL said, we worry when they don’t sleep, and we worry when they do. I guess the only cure for that is experience. I do feel vastly more competent and confident that I did even four weeks ago. I read Claire’s cries and expressions more accurately. And oh my goodness, I’m falling more in love with her daily. Holding her, cuddling and kissing her, feeling her respond to this with smiles and affection… what’s not to love?