I’ve got a basket of random images and clippings. As I looked through them, one slip caught my eye. It was a quote from a woman in middle age (the article was about women and aging).
As I got older I noticed how important feeling beautiful — an having someone affirm that — has become. I am not ready to be a woman that men do not look at.
–Unknown
I’ve never played with feminine wiles. I eschew sexy clothes. I never learned how to flirt. I was attractive and could have, but it made me uncomfortable. The idea of vaunting femininity and sexuality seemed risky. I’d already experience unwanted attention from men without making an effort to be especially noticeable.
And if men noticed me in the past, I really didn’t notice or care. I live in my mind. Always have. I remember once exchanging emails with a man that a friend sort of knew. In one email he asked how much I weighed and what size I wore. I wrote back and asked why. He said that if I wore larger than a size 4 he wasn’t interested in dating, but he’d be okay being friends. Um yeah, as if. I don’t need friends like that. But it did sting a little.
What about dressing to feel beautiful for oneself? I do, now. I don’t need to feel the admiration from a man to feel attractive.
Anyhow, this painting reflects what happens when women play into the cultural expectations for them.
I sometimes think about the whole idea of “looking” or “dressing” to be attractive. Being a hetero male, I do enjoy seeing women, and some look better to me than others, I suppose (I cannot articulate exactly how this works, since I can’t do that, I’ll chalk it up to unknown stuff rolling around in my brain, genetics, or pheromones–but enough about that). However, I’ve never liked/appreciated the “studied” sort of attractiveness involving “sexy” clothing and makeup. I wouldn’t care if any woman ever wore makeup again. I simply do not understand it (ditto for tats–for either gender, and let’s not even talk about cosmetic surgery). I have never had a thing for, or been turned on by “sexy” lingerie. If I find someone “sexy” then I do, if I don’t, there’s no point in enticements. If the lingerie industry folded tomorrow, I wouldn’t care. I think women have been sold a bill of goods over the centuries, and I do mean “bill.” Zillions have been wasted. Don’t misunderstand, I have had pleasant interactions with women who were meticulous makeup types, fashionably dressed types, and who had tats. But those same women would not have had to do those things to get my attention.
I tell my lady she’s beautiful a lot. As with many people, she turns away compliments (and it annoys me sometimes, but I dont’ think I let that show). I was thinking about withholding my praise–but then I figured out that if she is self-effacing, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t like to hear nice things.
I do nothing when preparing to be outside the house with any conscious thought about how I’ll appear to women. If I’m with my significant other, I don’t want to look like a bum, but otherwise, it’s just not a factor for me. Of course, I’m retired, and don’t have to “dress for success.” As for neckties, I categorize them with makeup, tats, and lingerie. I always considered neckties a symbol of servitude: would anybody actually wear one if somebody else didn’t expect/demand that they do so?
(Usual caveats: I don’t expect anyone to agree with me in whole or in part, I’m just expressing my views, etc., etc.)
If you have to try, you’ve already lost the battle. ;^)
The truth is, the poeple who matter will always notice your beauty, and the people who don’t matter, well, you don’t want them to notice you anyway.
I was 17 when one of my boyfriends came over one day when I had no makeup, greasy hair pulled back in a bandana, and some ratty t-shirt and jeans on, and when he said, “My God, you’re so beautiful!” I just laughed. But he meant it. I learned that day that what matters is the smile on your face and in your eyes – nothing more.
I sure identify with what you wrote and the art you made. I’m an older woman now, but I was never comfortable flirting either. I did like wearing beautiful evening wear with a bit of decolletage showing. I did have a lover for a few years post divorce who taught me how to be sexy and I liked “playing the game” for him; it really was like little theater. But, like you, I got attention, sometimes when I didn’t want it. My heart breaks to see my granddaughter dressed like a sex kitten at age 19 because she is basically an athlete, but it’s how teens largely seem to dress right now. Glad your computer is up.