This photo was taken February 1965, when I was 20 months old. I don’t know exactly when the picture was taken, although I imagine it to be on a Saturday afternoon, and my mother would have begun to prepare supper. My Dad worked two jobs. He was an elementary school teacher, but supporting a family on that salary was a stretch, so he worked some evenings and each Saturday at a family-owned furniture store. Perhaps he had come home from his second job and in greeting me, plopped his hat on my head. Maybe that happened, and they decided I looked too cute not to memorialize with a photo.
This photo is special. When I was mired in my depression during graduate school, I struggled with deep self-hatred and self-destructive thoughts. In my therapy, one approach I tried was to detach from that kind of selfishness and to see myself with more compassion. So I pulled this photo out from the childhood album, framed it, and set it on my home altar. When I felt acutely harsh toward myself, I would look at this photo and ask myself if I would treat that child as heartlessly as I was tempted to treat myself in that moment. The answer, of course, was no. How could I imagine hurting that sweet-faced little being? Then I would wend my way back toward her in my heart, remembering the fact that she and I are one, and I would soften toward myself. It was a powerful tool. Being able to genuinely love others is rooted in a healthy self-love. I would give love to others but did not feel it for myself. I came to understand that this was not really lovingkindness, but rather it was my wish for love projected onto others. I hoped that someone else would give me the positive regard I wouldn’t give myself, the kindness I believed I did not deserve, the tenderness I rejected when it was offered. In truth, I was loved by others, but I wouldn’t receive it. When I learned to be compassionate toward my being, I became receptive to the love that had always been there. This photograph was an essential component of that process.
what a wonderful way to use a photo from your past. and oh my it’s such an adorable pic of you! teehee, i love the hat! 🙂
Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that. I have done a similar process myself, but without the use of an actual photo, which seems so simple and powerful, and tangible.
You look just adorable in this photo. So sweet!
I am battling with some of these issues at the moment, & your words caught me at a low ebb.
Thank you for this post.
What a lovely, lovely post.
Thank you for sharing. I had never heard of that exercise before and it is a great one. We all need to be more loving to ourselves and looking at a cute baby photo, how can we not?
That’s such a wonderful photo–and a very healing accompanying story. I often use photos on my own inner journey and suggest using them to others. I didn’t realize, for some whacky reason, that you had started the new job a week ago, though I did see how busy you were. There’s only so much time to go around–don’t neglect you or hubby, dear one. By the way, my 3 kids were born in 1962, 1963 and 1967. You are like one of my own, age-wise.
You are terribly cute in that hat!
No one could be depressed looking at that child in the hat. She looks as if she’s ready to either bang those pots with joy or leap into someone’s arms.
beautiful. i have a very similar story i plan to share next tuesday. i have my own home alter and on that alter is a tin box filled with pics of myself that i have used for my own self-healing. blessings on you as you continue your journey towards coming home to the truth of who you are.