I have spent the past five days nestled deeply in my own self and home. Lovely emails have come from compassionate people; each one is a comfort. I simply don’t feel motivated to respond. It bothers me a bit, this absence of initiative. If people take the time and make an effort to connect, I feel I should respond, to at least acknowledge the message. My throat has been very sore, too, from the anesthesia and breathing tube, so talking hasn’t been a priority either.
I find it interesting how, since the advent of email, my sense of urgency regarding communication has changed. There is more pressure (internal) to be quick, lest the sender worry or take offense.
I’ll emerge at some point. In the meanwhile, I have been resting, recuperating from the surgery, and reading. For the record, here is a list of what brings me pleasure or joy since my situation has changed; now I get to:
- take long, hot baths
- drink an ice-cold bottle of Shiner Bock
- indulge in a glass of fine wine
- go bike-riding
- go hiking
- eat Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey
- avoid spending money on clothes I’ll only wear a short time
- feel energetic rather than sleep all the time
- not run to the bathroom every hour
- be free of nausea
- eat Brie and feta cheese
- pet cats that are strangers to me
- eat seafood without as much concern about mercury
- read as much as I want
- live according to my own schedule
Just trying to look on the bright side.
How I truly wish I was able to have the same outlook as you…
Experiencing loss of any sort is a terrible, draining experience. I would hope that the people who send you caring emails would understand that, so no worries about responding! Just know that the love for you is flowing. And when you are ready, you can do whatever responding you want! Or don’t want! 🙂
I really can’t say I’m sorry for your current pass, since it appears you are reflecting and working things through.
I do await the ebullent, bright Kathryn who I am sure will emerge at some point in the days ahead.
Your photography is wonderful and your website is often a real refreshment.
Take care–
Thank you all.
Firebrand, my heart is especially with you. As I ponder the difference between us, what arises for me is that this pregnancy was a complete surprise. We had in theory decided to start trying in January. We had hardly begun, hardly made effort, and had anticipated it taking much longer to conceive due to my age. So while we were happy and shifting our priorities once we knew, we were still in the process of coming to terms. We felt lucky to even conceive. However, I still have moments of deep sadness as I ponder the mystery that was lost. Who would have that being been? And there is worry that I might not conceive again, that it was beginner’s luck, and that I might not successfully carry a baby to term. We shall see what life brings. My heart is with you as you grieve.
my love to you. a lovely list. i hope you enjoy everything on it. 🙂