I have not made a collage since I moved here, with the exception of a 2 x 2 inch one for my badge when I worked at Borders. The workspace I’ve designated is in the garage, which has also been the catch-all space for items in transition, such as boxes waiting to be collapsed for recycling, bags of cat litter, and cases of V-8 and dishwasher soap from Costco.

Not making art is getting to me.

I did unearth some cross-stitch that was stored for years and made a small crewel project. I have another small project waiting. It’s migrated from the bedroom to the living room to the kitchen. The embroidery thread is out, and the canvas is in the loop frame. But I’ve been avoiding it.

Then as I was browsing the web for ideas, I happened across the Santa Clara County Knitting Meetup. I’d been playing with the idea of learning knitting. I went to the meetup location at Knitting Arts, but by the time I arrived I was late, had a wicked headache, and felt shy. So I wandered in the store and got some advice, which led me to purchase a pair of #13 needles and two skeins of yarn made by Straw Into Gold. A scarf will be my first project.

Later I emailed Lynn seeking her recommendation for how-to books. She provided a title, but even better, she provided a contact: Nathania Apple, who recently opened a knitting store just about two miles from my home. I wrote to her and she replied warmly.

But I haven’t gone yet. Nor have I done more than open the basic knitting guide I purchased to browse the instructions.

Thus the embroidery and knitting implements are scattered around this small space, reminding me of my desire, my intention, my energy to create something. They also remind me of my resistance.

These types of crafts require bright light, good hand-eye coordination, and intricate repetitive movement. It’s new to me. I hestitate to dive in. But collage? That is definitely something I can do, have done before, yet this too I resist.

I spent a chunk of today organizing the garage, clearing up the tool area, my art area, and general floor space. I swept and made room for myself. And now the room is clean and spacious enough; and yet I am here, on my laptop.

There is a type of preparation before creating that feels like avoidance, in which a person appears to be attending to every possible other task that arises, but which is really a time of development. It’s the gestation time needed to become ready to bring forth originality. However, there is also a type of preoccupation that looks similar but is actually flight from creativity.

Writing this post allows me to admit what’s going on and to arrest procrastination that isn’t constructive. At least, this is the story I tell myself. How I wish I could be more more like Kat, who doesn’t overthink it! She just decides to play, pulls out supplies, and has at it. My hope is that writing this reinforces intention and sparks action.