I’ve been watching a number of very religious parents attempting to instill proper religious attitudes in their children. I know the parents’ motives are sincere, but let’s get real. You can’t just tell children never to be angry and expect they will grow up to be loving persons. You can’t tell children they always have to share, to give up personal space and boundaries, to put everybody else’s needs before their own, and then expect them to grow up with wide-open hearts. It just won’t happen — not on the inside.
You can teach children to behave somewhat ethically by grounding them in a lot of rules and regulations that control how they act in specific situations. Even when it comes about by suppressing all their inner nasty, wicked thoughts and resentments, children reared this way do end up functioning as responsible and socially moral adults. I just wish you could see the emotional junk buried beneath that outer shell of righteous goodness.
It seems a lot more sane to acknowledge and accept honest feelings — then take a look afterward at options, at acceptable ways in which the child can respond. How wonderful if we could teach children to be personally responsible for their social interactions, and free them up so they could use religion as a source of comfort and inspiration.
I agree wholeheartedly, and I couldn’t have said it better. (The author left a comment on a recent post, and I’m very excited to have found her blog. It looks juicy!)