Sometimes it helps to name my inner state. So here goes.<\/p>\n
I’m lonesome. Restless. Edgy. Feeling isolated, weighed down, slothful. Muffled. Not really engaged by anything. Or rather, not able to settle in and get absorbed by tasks. Avoidant of things I want to do, like writing or making art. Avoidant of things that need doing that I don’t really want to do, like cooking or cleaning. Wishing to be anywhere but my current location. Missing the structure of going somewhere and being with people working. The weird bit: I haven’t gone to a job in eight years. I’m feeling a little like I used to feel long ago: that my life feels too tight, constricted, doesn’t fit right. <\/p>\n
I used to wonder if I’d ever feel comfortable in my life. I wondered if I might just be permanently broken. But still I resisted accepting my lot completely, always working toward my goals. And it paid off. I did eventually change myself and my life in ways that created a good fit. <\/p>\n
For the first time in about 14 years, my life feels too tight. I’m noticing and naming what is true for me. That part of me gets to exist. I dislike how it feels, but it’s real. <\/p>\n
And then I tell myself what this song says to give some balance; it’s a great mantra. Because after all, I get to be here<\/em>. To be<\/em>. So sit back and chill for six minutes; absorb the message and the music. <\/p>\n