I’m wrestling with my attachment to certain memories of experiences and my evaluation of the overall experience of the family system in which I grew up. And of course the more I attempt to detach, let it go, the more caught I am in the attachment. So this post is an effort to accept that I’ve created these attachments and am holding on to them. <\/p>\n
The way parents interact with each other — communicate, resolve differences, express feelings — sets the tone for the family and teaches a perspective of the world to children. Children absorb all this as “normal” and assume that the world works the way it does in their families. What a shock it can be to discover that others behave differently!<\/p>\n
What I learned growing up as modeled by my parents’ relationship with each other and their children:
\nCoercion
\nManipulation
\nAggression
\nSubmission
\nDominance
\nPunishment
\nDenial
\nConditional affection
\nControl through fear
\nTerror
\nPathological eating
\nDishonesty<\/p>\n
What they did not model is as powerful:
\nNegotiation
\nEquality
\nPartnership
\nAcceptance
\nGuidance
\nProblem-solving
\nTeamwork
\nAffection
\nRespect
\nPatience
\nHumility
\nReconciliation
\nPraise
\nUnconditional love<\/p>\n
What not to say to your child: I’m wrestling with my attachment to certain memories of experiences and my evaluation of the overall experience of the family system in which I grew up. And of course the more I attempt to detach, let it go, the more caught I am in the attachment. So this post is an effort to accept that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7834"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7834\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7839,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7834\/revisions\/7839"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nYou are not my daughter (or son)!<\/em> – Denial, Disownment
\nIf you don’t shape up I’ll send you to a boarding school!<\/em> – Terror, Threat, Abandonment, Punishment
\nYou’re grounded until further notice.<\/em> – Punishment<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"