{"id":6190,"date":"2011-02-15T21:13:03","date_gmt":"2011-02-16T04:13:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/?p=6190"},"modified":"2026-01-30T09:50:13","modified_gmt":"2026-01-30T17:50:13","slug":"wearing-thin","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/2011\/02\/15\/wearing-thin\/","title":{"rendered":"Wearing Thin"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The waiting is the hardest part. I&#8217;ve been doing all right, on the surface. And there&#8217;s an 80% chance there will be no malignancy. But I won&#8217;t know until Thursday at the earliest. So I go through each day, playing with Bean, cleaning, shopping, cooking, and functioning. But there&#8217;s an undertow of distraction. It manifests through a struggle to pay attention, in a desire to be another place than what I&#8217;m doing. When I&#8217;m playing with Bean it feels like a chore. When faced with cooking I don&#8217;t want to do it. I want to eat mindlessly, and entirely sugary foods. I want to take Ambien and sleep until the results are in.<\/p>\n<p>What I will do, instead, is tolerate this moment. The only moment I have. I&#8217;ll keep showing up to each moment to the best of my ability, make an effort to stay engaged with what&#8217;s in front of me. I will struggle to remain, I won&#8217;t always succeed, and I&#8217;ll do the best I can. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The waiting is the hardest part. I&#8217;ve been doing all right, on the surface. And there&#8217;s an 80% chance there will be no malignancy. But I won&#8217;t know until Thursday at the earliest. So I go through each day, playing with Bean, cleaning, shopping, cooking, and functioning. But there&#8217;s an undertow of distraction. It manifests [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-motherhood","category-nature"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6190"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13545,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6190\/revisions\/13545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6190"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=6190"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kathrynpetroharper.com\/mindfullife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=6190"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}