Nasty Drivers and Spoiled Fish

For reasons I don’t want to go into (mostly because they’re boring), the past couple days have been rough for me. I am raw and short on energy and patience. At a stoplight, I had my right turn blinker on. It’s an option to turn right on red (unless there’s sign prohibiting it). I was about to turn when the driver behind me honked. So I didn’t. That’s the kind of mood I’m in — something mean within digs in its heels. She honked again, and I saw her gesticulating in the mirror. I waited until the light turned green and went, and waved at her as she roared past me all the distance of one block to turn left; she flipped me the middle finger through her sun roof. I know it’s not mature or honorable behavior. I don’t like it in myself. This all happened within a mile of my home as I returned home from a nice outing at the park with a friend. I know, I should have walked instead — except here there’s a risk we’d be run over by the same driver. Such is life in an overpopulated area. Grrrrr.

I got home to cook the salmon I bought yesterday to find it had turned bad. It smelled fishy, which is a sign of very old fish. The whole fridge smells funky now.

Claire is starting to arch her back and thrash and scream when something happens she doesn’t want, or when something she wants doesn’t happen. Toddlerhood tantrums already?

I got NO time to myself this past weekend (except for one nap, but I’d like some awake alone time), since we had family errands and housecleaning and some social commitments. I also have very little say over my schedule as far as when things happen (nothing is much in my control), even on weekends.

Something I started to knit I had to frog (“rip it” out) because I made a mistake and couldn’t figure out how to fix it.

What’s so very bothersome to me is the way incidents such as those in the first paragraph stay with me, and how a sour hatred toward humanity rises up in my throat when I’m feeling this raw.

Cranky, cranky, cranky. Will someone show me some love in the comments? If you need incentive, here’s one:

loves the fan
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11 Comments on “Nasty Drivers and Spoiled Fish”

  1. Barbara Says:

    And I thought east coast drivers were bad! I hate drivers like that!

    It sounds like you need some alone time. I know when I have little control over my own schedule and no down time I can get cranky too! I hope you find some time for yourself. I’m sure it will help!

    Peace!

  2. Patti Kramer Says:

    Well? We have a guest room; king size bed, pool, garden, and you wouldn’t have to cook. of course you’d have to get out here to New York. All these irritations will pass, try to focus on the good stuff, and you’ll get more of it!

  3. M Sinclair Stevens Says:

    It’s the heat.

  4. Eden Says:

    LOVE

    *point*

    There’s some 😉

  5. marta Says:

    If you could see how cranky I get some days! You’ll have plenty of cranky days, but many beautiful ones too.

    Here’s some love coming at you!

  6. lkd Says:

    Hey, you showed me some love, so here’s some love right back atcha, sister! (smile)

    Meanwhile, I’m a total sucker for a kid who knows how to use a fan! (grin) Have you talked into the fan so she hears your voice all weird and whirry?

    I’m so glad I’m not the only passive-aggressive person on this planet. Just this morning, there was someone riding my ass into work. The closer he got (he was practically in my backseat), the slower I drove until we were both driving the speed limit. And the speed limit, 35 mph, feels mighty slow on a four lane road that morning commuters are accustomed to taking at 10, 20 and even 30 miles per hour over the speed limit. Alas, the driver next to me was also doing the speed limit, so poor mister tailgater had to slow down and back off.

    Ha.

    Your daughter made me smile. Thank you for that.

  7. withsticks Says:

    I’m not sorry to say this but GOOD for you to not let yourself be bullied by that driver.

    I wanted to tell you, thanks to you I now am learning sign language. It was after your post about Claire knowing the sign for ‘enough’.
    I know know how to sign pastuerized milk. You should look it up if you need a laugh, it’s on the same website you posted.

  8. gerry rosser Says:

    True, nobody has to turn right on red. If I am behind someone who doesn’t, I just sit and ponder the infinite. I also do not like being honked at, and often my response is the same as yours. However, there is much evil afoot in the world, and is not necessarily safe to thwart someone’s wishes even if they are a rude a*****e. Zen up a little for you own sake, not for theirs. Om.

    Cheer up, you are still my oldes friend in the blogosphere, and I’m still here. That should be enough to perk anyone up!
    Well, maybe . . .

  9. Kathryn Says:

    Ooooh, I do feel the love. Thank you all. 🙂

    LKD, I haven’t demonstrated the talking into the fan fun yet. I will the next time we have it on!

    Gerry, very good point about the risk of thwarting others behind a wheel. *sigh*

  10. Kate Walker Says:

    Hi Kathryn,
    I’m an old acquaintance of yours from a memoir writing group you started a couple of years ago. We have both had children since we last saw each other. I’ve peeked (lurked?) on your blog from time to time over these past two years and have enjoyed your many insights into the whole experience of motherhood. Through your blog I’ve also discovered Karen Miller’s blog and book and have enjoyed those very much.

    I totally understand your ambivalence about the specatator aspect of blogging. I’ve contributed to that phenomenon myself by reading and not commenting, until now.

    Your writing is so clear, heartfelt, honest. Thank you for putting it out there. I totally get wanting to take a hiatus. I regularly take a hiatus from everything but the absolute survival stuff. I pare it all down to only what absolutely must happen. I see nothing wrong with staying inside for a couple days at a time, turning off the phone and taking it extremely easy at home with your child. PBS is a wonderful, gentle, soothing source of family friendly media that helps me get through some of those zero energy days.

    I know you will find what works for you. I limit socialization and email contact, phone contact, unnecessary chores and just try to get through the exhausting experience of raising a young one.

    I hope you will accept my apologies for lurking so long and please know that I think you and your blog are just fabulous. But you and your daughter are the most fabulous, so just focus on that if you need to and it will work out!

    Many good and restful wishes to you and your family,
    Kate (Mom to Julian a.ka. “Wolfie”, age 2)

  11. Kathryn Says:

    Hi Kate, it’s wonderful to hear from you! I think of you sometimes and wonder how life in Austin is going for you, so it’s gratifying that you commented. 🙂 I so enjoyed your writing (and actually felt a little envy when you’d read your work to us). I hope you still find time for writing if that is your heart’s wish. I remember when you were expecting Julian. Congratulations!