Deep Inside

I have been richly nurtured. Nathania gave me a two hour massage in the cool quiet of her home. It was a time of peace and soothing. It was intimate and comforting. We bonded in a new way, like sisters, and I’m glad for this because it reinforces the foundation of affection and trust that will be so vital for us when she assists my delivery. And I was reintroduced to my body and touch after months of estrangement. (Husband is affectionate and expressive, yet the touch of massage opens one to a deeper connection with receiving.) Yes, pregnancy is a very physical process that makes a woman aware of her body. But all these months I have not been assertive about caring for my body in this way. The massage resulted in a connection with Now that I’ve not experienced since… well, since my last massage.

We spent a fair amount of time on my belly. She oiled it and gently pressed and slid her hands down to help the baby get a sense of the position she needs to be in. Little One was very responsive to Nathania’s touch. We talked to her, told her how much we want to meet her. In the soft light of the room, I sat semi-reclined gazing down at my full moon breasts and globe belly glowing with citrus oil. And you know what? I found it beautiful. I might have the “courage” to post a photo of myself in a bathing suit, but I’ve remained detached from my image and my body often in past months. During that massage I experienced my beauty.

We think she might make her debut this weekend (just as Liora commented). Then again, that might be wishful thinking. Regardless, I feel present to the moment, and I feel content — despite the fact that our roof, for whatever reason, remains unshingled and far from finished.

Explore posts in the same categories: Journal, Motherhood, Nature, Pregnancy

7 Comments on “Deep Inside”

  1. Melissa Says:

    Oooo the massage sounded like something you needed and deserved. So often in “mommy-hood”, mommy becomes second. Once your little darling is surrounded by the air and is the main focus of you and Husband’s lives, don’t forget that on occassion mommy deserves some pampering as well. I’ll give you the same advice I used to give the HIV+ peer educators I would train: You cannot go out and help others if you are not taking care of yourself first. (Many of them were so altruistic that they would be so concerned about educating others, that they would neglect their own self care. Then their health would decline and they couldn’t help others.)

    Some nice ideas for soon-to-be and already mommies:

    For shower gifts I always give two: 1 for baby and 1 for mommy’s self care (spa gift certificate, special lotions, pre-paid yoga classes, etc). Heck, mom’s the one that goes through the tremendous physical and emotional stuff to bring baby to the world.

    On my birthday, I buy my mom flowers or a lovely little gift. It’s a very small gesture she deserves for giving me the gift of life.

    Buy the book “On the Day You Were Born” by Debra Frasier and inscribe it with a little note for the little one. If you don’t know the book, check it out. It’s beautiful and educational.

  2. marta Says:

    I’m flattered and impressed that you took the time to comment on my blog when clearly you’ve got bigger things going on. But thanks, and I’ll take your advice to heart and to cyberspace.

  3. Gannet Girl Says:


    My boys came on this week-end. I will hope for the same for you.

  4. Brenda Says:

    As you know, hospitals are air conditioned! And, if for some reason you had to have a c-section, you might be there long enough for them to finish the roof! 😉

    It sounds like you’re doing very well with the whole “in the moment” thing. I admire that. It’s something I strive for and rarely seem to accomplish. Especially when I was 9 months pregnant.

    My SIL is due in 2 weeks now. She, too, is ready for the baby to come any day now. I see her and think of you and wish that I could wave a magic wand and make the weather cooperate, so that at least while you’re waiting, you could be a bit more comfortable. The waiting makes the “in the moment” thing very hard, imo.

  5. gerry rosser Says:

    So, did “this weekend” mean this Labor Day weekend?
    Bated breath here.

  6. Laurel Says:

    It’s Labor day and I’m thinking of you.

    Labor. Get it? (smile)

    Did you already make a prediction? When you think your daughter will make her grand entrance?

    I have a strong feeling that she’ll be born on the 7th. In the evening.

    Hang in there, mom.

    And thanks for being brave enough to do this. I think it’s the single most courageous act any human being can commit to: Bringing a child into this world.

    You’re my hero, K.

  7. Fran aka Redondowriter Says:

    Yes, like Gerry I wonder if you have or will be laboring. I haven’t checked blogs much lately because I’m a couch potato of sorts, but I clicked immediately to you when I just turned the computer on. That massage sounds wonderful. By now, little girl may be here so you can talk to her in person.