“Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn”

churning

I went to my session to receive EMDR treatment. I had no expectations. I wasn’t skeptical, and I wasn’t convinced. I was curious, which is probably the best disposition when approaching new treatments. I was surprised at the feelings and memories that came up. Lots of sadness, grief, confusion, anger. Some new insights. And now I’m drained.

Husband’s co-worker referred us to a fertility specialist that he and his wife worked with. His wife is also willing to talk with me to provide information and encouragement. We’re going to coordinate a coffee date (or some such). The specialist the co-worker mentioned is a male, and I told Husband last night that I may want to work with a female doctor. I simply have not experienced the quality of care I want (and have received from women medical professionals in the past). Then again, if this specialist is heartily endorsed by co-worker and wife, I’ll consider it.

Only seven more workdays until I’m a free agent again. November 3rd is my last day! I’m looking forward to being done.

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6 Comments on ““Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn””

  1. William Sackinger Says:

    The stresses of life, day-to-day, translate through the brain to the endocrine system and cause physiological disturbances which can lead to many results, including miscarriage. Apparently, conception can happen to you, and the 9 months afterwards is the interval when your body and mind need to be operating with minimum stress, maximum happiness, and some highly-professional help from the best set of doctors specializing in reproductive matters. I know that embryos are implanted in women quite older than you are, and are carried to term and delivered successfully; the hormones involved, and their balance, can be an interesting new subject for your inquisitive reading.
    As for getting exactly what one wants, this is never certain, regardless of the skill of the professionals. On the other hand, I think that no one is predestined to always fail, but, conversely, that everyone will experience some failures over a lifetime. I think that you have had your share, and that your future is brighter. The feelings about the past can be shed, because the past is forever gone, and is only a museum relic in your mental archives, to be casually observed at your own descretion. When you visit that museum, look for the bright and shiny pleasant things in it.
    Bill

  2. Tiffany Says:

    Whew. Good for you trying EMDR. It’s one of the hardest things I know I’ve ever been through. Stick with it and it’ll change yor life faster than you can imagine! Of course, it’ll drain you every time, and you may find yourself fighting it halfway through, but it’s worth sticking to it.

  3. Fran aka Redondowriter Says:

    I’ve been hearing more and more about EMDR, but have not experienced it.

    What’s this about being a free agent? Are you quitting your job, or just the project you’ve been on for this job? I know what a creative woman you are and when you have to work such long hours, plus commuting, it sure shifts the priorities. If you are going to concentrate on getting pregnant, I, for one, if you were my daughter, would be soooo delighted for you to stay home. On the other hand, in the non-profit world, I know you have made a significant difference for a lot of people. That’s a huge thing.

  4. kat Says:

    I’m glad the EMDR has provided some insights for you.

    And as for the fertility stuff, I wish you all the best of luck and love. oxoxoxoxox

  5. gerry rosser Says:

    “She rides the eye of the hurricane . . . ”
    David Wilcox.

  6. patry Says:

    Just catching up here. Kat says it best: wishing you luck and hope and much, much love. You give so much.