The exhaustion and sadness remains. I feel draped in its weight. Yet it is lightening a little. I made a list of projects and am diligently working on them. The structure helps. I also went to my volunteer commitments, dragging myself along, feeling somewhat better for it after.

I feel as though I’ve got a bout of spirit flu. I’m not exactly depressed. I just feel unwell, and that affects my mood, and my mood is variable, which probably affects my body. I was researching on depression and came across a UK site that proposed an excess of REM (dream state) sleep can contribute to depression. The depressed mind is ruminative and agitated when awake, and this arousal continues into sleep where the brain actively dreams longer, which deprives the body of deep sleep, which in turn increases the effect of depression. Lately I have been dreaming vividly, intensely, and weirdly. I don’t awake well-rested. The site gave some ideas how to break that cycle. I should look it up again.

Keeping my commitments to outside activities helps, however. I had joined a knitting class at Commuknity. Today was my first lesson. I made a lot of mistakes, but I’m getting the rhythm. I messed the stitches up so bad later at home that I decided to just start over, and I figured out how to cast-on (a skill for the next lesson). The cats, by the way, have discovered the wonder that is yarn. If only they had opposable thumbs!

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2 Comments on “Plodding”

  1. donna Says:

    Oh goody. Lack of REM, excess REM, who knows what leads to messed up mental states… Perhaps it is confusion of cause and effect – perhaps it is more the mental state that leads to the sleep imbalances….

    I’ve had the dreams, too. Intense and deep, nosensical upon waking. I’ve been in a funk all week, finally figured it out today – my mother passed away two years ago this week…

    Hope your dreams will start to lead to better thoughts. Namaste…

  2. Nacho Says:

    Kathryn, so much out there that might be causing that more intense REM sleep. But it is a nice indicator, it is good to look at how the subconscious is trying to manage. Might get a glimpse at what in waking life is lingering with you. I usually notice that when I try to avoid something for too long, I get nervous, stressed, and downright uncomfortable, my sleep suffers, etc.

    How about food? Are you allergic to anything? Added anything new? or being eating more of something, or not enough of another?

    Thanks for stopping by Kathryn, all the best with this malaise. You know what makes me feel that way often? Overcommitment and a sense of obligation. I start feeling that I have no “room” left and feel always rushed. I try to not do that, but at times I feel that there is much more than I can comfortably handle.

    Again, all the best, healing hugs your way.