I Think He’s A Roommate Of Mine

I remember one evening when Ambivalence and I sat down to enjoy a nice dinner on the porch. The phone rang, and he jumped out of his chair to answer it. When he came back to join me at the table, the soup was cold, and his mind was preoccupied with programming details. It was useless trying to talk to him. The only way I could gain his attention was to make a scene. Before I realized it, we were once again engaged in a power struggle, and my irritation gave him the advantage. He was clear that it was only my problmen that I needed consistency, and added that the soup tastes best when it’s lukewarm.

As you know, the relationship went on like that for years. As soon as I would start to organize my life without him, beautiful love letters appeared in my mailbox. When I grew fond of our weekends in the country, he became indifferent. It took me a long time to figure out that for him indecision is a desired form of suspense. This game of yes/no/maybe intrigues him. It left me exhausted, and I can see that it is beginning to give you a nervous stomach.

–Ruth Gendler, The Book of Qualities

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2 Comments on “I Think He’s A Roommate Of Mine”

  1. Denny Says:

    Reminds me of how incredibly difficult relationships are, even though they are the most important thing in life.

  2. Kathryn Says:

    Thank you for that. 🙂 I remember reading something Ram Dass wrote, about a marriage (or life partnership) being the most challenging yoga one can practice. I’m certainly being stretched these days.