Rejection Is Ageless

Rejection hurts. Even ones that seem little. When I wrote The Hestia Chronicles, the personal blog that was associated with my public name, I was listed on The Ageless Project. This a site that lists blogs with the goal of displaying the array of ageless diversity on the Web.

In October I deleted the url for the old blog, and I emailed the contact address (ageless@coolstop.com) requesting the listing be updated. I received no reply. I emailed again and still received no reply. Last night I decided to re-submit my entry and hope to clarify what I was doing. An auto-generated response came asking me to confirm my information. In all caps (because I feared it would be overlooked) I explained what I had done and requested the update be made.

Today I received an email from Joe (the site manager, I assume) saying as a courtesy, I was being informed that A Mindful Life would not be listed and my old listing deleted. I was surprised and bewildered, and a little bit hurt. You know, that feeling of why not me? I wrote back and asked why. He replied:

Quoted from the sidebar which appears on every page of the ageless project:

“Please do not submit your site if you have a problem with that, or if you
expect an explanation if your site is rejected or removed.”

You’ll have to find somewhere else to promote your consulting business.

No further explanation will be offered and I won’t engage in a debate with
you. My site, thank you!

I was taken aback at the coldness of the reply. This blog is related to my profession, but it is a compilation of links of that catch my interest and writing from my perspective on a variety of topics. I do not use it to promote my therapy practice. I see it as a public service. It never occurred to me that it would be seen as non-personal, since I write about parts of my life here. In addition, the work I do is personal, using all my compassion and experience as a human to help others to heal and grow. For a therapist, the boundary between personal and professional is indistinct, because the Self is the instrument used in the work, the channel through which this occurs. It also hadn’t occurred to me that I would be de-listed; I was just trying to be a good netizen and keep links updated.

In the overall scheme of life, whether or not I’m linked on some community site pales in comparison to other issues. However, since writing is the extension of a person, it is hard not to take the rejection personally. Especially the cold manner of reply. Very reminiscent of a parent saying, “The subject is closed!”

Despite the rejection and implacable stance he has taken with me, it’s still an interesting project. You can search entire decades, or specific names, months, or years. It’s a form of social anthropology, and makes good rainy day surfing and reading.

Explore posts in the same categories: Arts, Miscellaney, Social Science

8 Comments on “Rejection Is Ageless”

  1. Chad Says:

    I could always send him hatemail, if you like.

    Or I also know some people in New Orleans that will break his kneecaps as a “small personal favor” to me if you feel that sort of thing is necessary.

    Or if you want to do it yourself, I could always loan you something from my collection of brass knuckles.

    (Just kidding, I don’t really have a collection of brass knuckles.)

    (I was also kidding about the people in New Orleans. In reality, it’s only one guy, and he’s a perennially starving college student in Lafayette and as such, will probably do most anything if enough money is thrown his direction.)

    (I can send him hatemail though.)

  2. Kathryn Says:

    Heh. I appreciate the solidarity, but I’ll take a raincheck on the suggested offerings. 🙂 We both have more interesting things to do, probably, that are worthy of further attention. Big thanks to you!

  3. Raspil Says:

    That is cold blooded. I guess he didn’t take time to read your site or that he thinks all blogs need to be full of pointless banalities of our lives and that there can be nothing learned or shared that is of any value.

  4. jenett Says:

    It’s interesting that you found it necessary to publicize this. You have a prominent link that says “Learn about my private practice” which leads to a page that is purely commercial (and which doesn’t even lead back to the blog). You mention fees, etc. and to say it’s not commercial is denial on your part.

    On the other hand, my project is a personal one and clearly states what type of sites may be rejected. What’s cold is people like you who think they’re entitled to advertise for free on any website that provides links to blogs, and then turn it into a public debate when they get rejected. Your blog is a promotional vehicle, and though its information is useful to many, it is related to your business, and you benefit financially from it. That’s fine, but it’s not appropriate for a website that features strictly non-commercial, personal websites. So you were rejected. One would think someone in your position could deal with that in a more positive way…

  5. Kathryn Says:

    Actually the professional site does link to this blog; the link says “A Mindful Life: Resources.” I do not deny that the professional site is commercial. Unlike many other types of work, in psychotherapy, the professional is personal as well.

    As for how I benefit from this blog, I can tell you that so far, since beginning my practice in August, no one has contacted me as a result of coming to my professional page through the blog. They find me via internet search for therapists in Austin, and the professional page is what gets results.

    I began this blog in order to continue to give expression to topics that I formerly wrote about on The Hestia Chronicles but to highlight more external information. Although posts are not as deeply personal as they were on the other, I continue to write personally on this blog. If you were to read this blog, you would see.

    As for your site stating the parameters and that rejection is possible, I’m not debating it says that. However, this was not in the forefront of my mind — having been listed, I was not in the mindset that this blog would not qualify. I was simply updating information. I just wonder… if I did not have a private practice, and was simply employed in a mental health setting, would you consider this site commercial?

    As for dealing with it in a more positive way, well, it’s a matter of perspective. You see, this blog is personal, and I wrote about my personal experience of being rejected. Rather than let this bother me and develop grudging feelings toward you, I simply described the context and the exchange we had, then reflected on its impact. I also made positive statements about your project. I could have been less generous.

  6. jenett Says:

    I stand corrected as to whether your professional page links back to the blog.

    Our exchange was a private one and your turning it into a public one is tacky, to say the least. And so were the shouting-all-caps in your email message, which was the only message I had received from you regarding updated information.

    Like you said, “the professional page is what gets results,” so my rejecting your site shouldn’t have been such a big surprise to you.

    As to your new question, the point is that you do have a private practice, and promoting it through your blog is commercial. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m simply not obligated to help you with your promotion. Thank you.

  7. Kathryn Says:

    I’m well aware that I used “shouting all caps,” and I explained why — I had not received replies to previous communication. In addition, after you emailed me to tell me I was de-listed and that you had not received prior emails, I re-sent one (from October 4) within minutes of receiving your message, to show you in good faith that I had sent at least one. However, I suspect you did not bother to read it, because your decision (conveyed as “no further explanation will be offered” and you will not “debate” with me) suggests pretty clearly that further communication was ignored.

    Tacky? Blogging is public. The service you provide is public. I’m simply letting the exchange speak for itself. You may think your communication style was business-like, but it came across as dismissive to me. I did not have opportunity to resolve this with you, and so I decided to put the exchange to some good — I dealt with my frustration, yet attempted to be civil by commenting positively about your project.

    Again, I make a distinction between my professional site and my this blog, and we just disagree on that.

    In any case, I do think your project is useful, as it showcases a range of creativity while it provides a breakdown of how web technology is used across different age sets.

    Be well.

  8. Wizard715 Says:

    I think both of you forget one important rule on online communications. #1 rule in online communications, don’t take anything personally. What someone may consider an innocent email may be considered as threatening or insulting to someone else. You can’t convey emotion in text unless the writer specifically states they are happy mad or sad.

    The owner of the list site did what I had done in past when running a BBS back in the 80’s. It’s their site, they can do what they want. Equally, this blog is the writers site. They can make anything they like public and if you run a public site, your methods may get critisized. Neither party is 100% in the right.